Can't Help Who I Fall For

It was as I was almost to the front door that I stopped and realized a few things: one, all of my things, including my keys and jacket, were still upstairs, and two, anything could’ve happened to Jack, especially if I wasn’t around to intervene. I felt terrible for ditching him like I had, but Mr. Barakat was definitely a man I didn’t want to cross for any reason whatsoever.

“You haven’t been dating for that long. Sometimes people wait to show their true colors.”

Thus far, there had just been some arguing between my boyfriend and his dad. I was stood in the hallway, the one Jack and his mum had used to spy on my conversation just hours before. It felt a little weird, having to hide in the house that I’d been in at least a good twenty times as it was, but I didn’t wanna get caught unless it was vital. Who knew what kind of trouble both of us would be in if I were to be discovered.

“No,” Jack said, tone harsh yet full of determination and finality. “Alex cares about me. He’s not in it for the sex or whatever you think. He likes me for me, that’s why I love him!”

With that knowledge, those three little words, I was snapped from reality and tossed into some sick whirlwind of emotions. I didn’t know what was wrong with me either—people had claimed to love me before. Multiple times, in fact. I’d wanted to love them back, but, for some reason, I’d never truly been able to bring myself to feel what they claimed to have felt for me. This felt different. This was… I wanted this… but was he just saying it as a way to spite his dad? Did he mean it? Would he have said it had he known that I was still around?

“You promised,” I faintly heard Jack whisper. He sounded weaker than he had at any point before, his voice just barely cracking. I shook my head a bit, wanting to clear the thoughts swarming through it, and glanced up to see that Mr. Barakat was standing only a few feet away.

He hadn’t noticed me from where I was pressed against the wall, shrouded in darkness, but I could see how he stopped to look back at his son, sat on the couch. “Sometimes promises just can’t be kept.”

Mr. Barakat was gone with that, the front door closing quietly behind him. Jack started to make sniffling noises with that, and I knew it would only be a matter of time before he’d just let himself go. I wasn’t sure if it would be the right thing to walk out after what I’d heard. What if he hadn’t meant for me to hear it? He obviously hadn’t, of course, but what if he wasn’t ready for me to know in anyway at all?

The first official sob was what made up my mind for me.

“Baby?” I said, moving around the wall and into the living room once more. Jack jumped at the sound of my voice, his hands moving up to wipe the tears from his face. He didn’t say anything for a second, nor did he make much of a move after making eye contact with me, but then he was lifting his arms like a small child and his face was crumpling up once more.

“H-he promised me,” he whimpered once I’d sat on the couch and pulled him into my lap. “He s-said he’d s-stop, but h-he’s going t-to see h-her.”

My arms wrapped tighter around his shaking body, holding him close as I rocked our bodies together gently. “I know, baby, I know,” I attempted to console, my lips pressed against his forehead and my eyes slipped closed as I tried to figure out something better to say. “I heard him say it. We’ll… we can talk to your mum about it in the morning, alright? We can do it together, and I know we’ll be able to get her to listen to us. You don’t have to cry, my baby. I promise I’m gonna help you make everything better.”

“W-what if it doesn’t g-get better?” he asked quietly. “W-what if th-they get a… a…”

“A divorce?” I supplied, cringing when another harsh sob ripped from his throat. Just like that, the tears had started up full-force once more. He nodded as an agreement to what I’d said, and with that, I was letting out a sigh. “Maybe then, it’d all be for the better. He’s not happy, you’re not happy, your mum’s oblivious to how much he’s hurting both of you… maybe they’ve just run their course now. It’s terrible, and I wish it was me instead of you because you don’t deserve this just as much as your mum doesn’t, but I think that if it happened, you’d feel better knowing that he wouldn’t be able to hurt either of you in that way anymore.”

“I don’t want them to,” he wailed pathetically, his words just barely muffled against my shoulder.

“I know you don’t, Jay. No one wants to have to go through this, but I promise you that I’ll be right here for you no matter what happens. Divorce or no divorce, I’m gonna make sure that this all goes as easy on you as possible. Come here, sit up and look at me,” I prompted. Jack did as instructed after I’d nudged him a few times.

The lighting was dim, the only source of it coming from above the stove in the kitchen, but it was enough for me to see how red his eyes and face were as well as how his trembling bottom lip was clenched tightly between his teeth. A moment was taken to wipe at his cheeks, my thumb brushing against his lips and a sad smile pulling at the corner of my lips when his teeth let it go.

“You’re not in this alone, angel. You know that just as well as I do. We’re in this—and everything else—together. You and me against the rest, right?”

There was the hint of a smile, a nod of the head, and then he was kissing my cheek before letting his body relax into my own. “Stay the night?” he asked, and while I could still hear how broken he was over the entire situation, I could also hear the hopefulness that peeked through along with it.

“Of course, angel. Why don’t we go up to your room, huh? I know that your bed is a lot comfier than the couch is. We can go up and cuddle and get some rest. It’s been a long day; I can see how tired you are. How’s that sound?”

Jack gave another nod before snuggling himself further into me, his arms locking together around my neck. “Carry me?”

Really, there was no way I could’ve possibly refused him. My own arms squished their way under his thighs, taking a firm grip before I began to awkwardly struggle my way to my feet. The next difficult part of the journey came only a few moments after we were vertical once more—the stairs. The only thing that pushed me to continue was the knowledge that I’d done it once before.

My boyfriend wasn’t put down until after I’d pushed our way through his door, my forearm pressing uncomfortably into the wall in order to find the light switch. With a quiet, “Shit,” on my end from the sudden brightness, I blinked the world back into focus and stepped toward his bed. Then, of course, he had to be put down because there was no way I would’ve been able to clear his bed of my things with him still clinging to me.

Jack only gave a quiet whine before he obliged and let me set him on the ground by his mattress, but his arms didn’t move from my neck. They only did after he kissed me, his lips tasting a bit salty and lingering against mine for what could’ve been considered just a few moments too long. I understood what he was trying to convey and kissed back just as sweetly, wanting him to know that it was all going to be okay.

“I have some extra pajama pants, if you want me to get you some of those,” he whispered once he’d pulled back a bit. His forehead leaned against my own and his eyes slipped closed. “I mean, you’re probably used to sleeping in boxers and stuff, but I don’t need my mom coming in here for any reason and getting any ideas about us or about you and her.”

A hum in response and I was pressing another kiss to his lips before stepping away to move my things from his bed as he walked to his dresser, hands delving into the top drawer and returning with two pairs of sweatpants. A part of me was thrilled when he didn’t seem all that concerned with changing right there, in my plain sight, but a part of me was too tired and focused on other, more important matters to take more than a few moments notice of what he was doing.

Final inspections were done to make sure that we hadn’t forgotten anything before Jack was pointing me in the direction of his bed and moving to turn the light off. I took a few seconds to think about how far he’d come ‘comfort level’ wise since the first time we’d spent the night in the same house together, and in a way, it made me feel good. I’d missed having someone to cuddle with at night.

The covers shifted around me before my boyfriend was pressing himself into my side, an arm being thrown over my midsection and a face pressing into my neck.

“Thanks for not leaving earlier. I don’t know what I’d be doing with myself right now if it wasn’t for you,” he mumbled sleepily. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I’d almost been too scared to stick around, and instead I let my arms wriggle around his body to bring him closer to me.

“Don’t mention it, angel,” was all I could think to say. Jack pushed himself up for one last kiss, and then he was laying down on top of me once more. It was silent for a few minutes, but before long, my boyfriend’s breathing had deepened and evened out. When I was more than positive that he was asleep (seeing as how he started to let out small snores every few breaths he took), I kissed his hair and mumbled a few words that I’d been dying to say for what had felt like weeks. “I love you, too.”

Notes

i doubt anyone reads these but like it's so weird being at the bottom again
started from the bottom, worked my way to the top, then voluntarily put myself at the bottom again lmao
i won't be happy til i'm popular on all writing sites lololol first fanfiction then the world amirite

ANYWAY IF ANYONE DOES READ THESE
should i like slow down w the posting?? does it get confusing like having to remember where u left off and whatnot when i post like three updates in a row or w/e???