Can't Help Who I Fall For

The last game of the fall season had just ended, and, as predicted, our school had won. People had stormed the field as soon as the timer had hit zero in the final quarter, and while most of my team and schoolmates had rushed over to lift me over their heads in victory, I could see that Alex had scooped Jack into his arms and swung him around before kissing him in a way that was more than inappropriate.

Of course, it must’ve had something to do with the fact that Jack hadn’t wanted to be there in the first place. I’d overheard before the game had started that he was scared to be there, but Alex had promised that no one would try to pull anything, not with the Franceschi kid at his side and hundreds of other people filling the bleachers.

I’d shrugged it off and moved on, only sending a glance back at Alex when I was far enough away that no one would notice. I still loved him like I did when I was fourteen (I doubted that’d ever change), but we were so far gone from each other that I knew that even if I tried to so much as say ‘hello,’ I’d get his fist in the side of my face.

Not to say that it wasn’t my fault it was like that between us or anything.

I definitely regretted everything I’d done, and if I could’ve gone back to make at least one thing different, I would’ve in a heartbeat. Maybe if I’d just told him that I liked him when I had the chance, we could’ve done something different. We could’ve been the stereotypical high school sweethearts. We could’ve been each other’s first ‘I love you’s, first times, first everything’s.

I still had those daydreams. Those stupid ones that involved us slow dancing around our new apartment to some love song in nothing but pajama pants, or us adopting a dog together, or us kissing sweetly and innocently and everywhere like he and Jack did. Hell, most of the time I was with Jack, I pretended that he was Alex. I’d almost slipped up a few times when calling him by his first name, and that’s where the whole ‘babe’ thing came in.

The only reason I didn’t have that, that I didn’t even have my best friend anymore, was because my idiot self had taken a moment of weakness and turned it around to be given the upper hand instead. I hadn’t even wanted the upper hand. I just wanted him to know how I felt; how I hurt. I wanted to be the one to swoop in and kiss everything better, but I’d lost that chance almost as soon as it had showed itself.

I shook my head and snapped myself out of my thoughts of what could’ve been if I wasn’t such a fuck-up just before I was set on my feet near the locker room. There were people still whooping and cheering around me, my teammates slapping me on the back in congratulations, before there was a break in the crowd and I was able to slip away.

Of course, I wasn’t able to leave without hearing Alex shout over the noise, “Josh is gonna take you home, angel. Take a shower and get all sexy for me, okay? We’re gonna celebrate; I’m takin’ you out somewhere nice.”

I tried not to dwell on the thoughts of ‘that could’ve been me’ and instead moved into the locker room.

Inside, half of the guys were still making jack asses of themselves while the other half showered. I wanted to follow the latter group, but it wasn’t long before some kid—fuck if I could remember his name—was bounding toward me and exclaiming, “Dude, there’s a party at the Fuentes’ household! That Mike kid’s older brother can buy alcohol; there’s supposed to be a ton there!”

With nothing more from me than a cock of the eyebrow and tightening of the lips, he was ducking his head and scurrying away. Sometimes having that amount of power felt good, but sometimes it just seemed a little ridiculous. Who would’ve thought that having such a meaningless title as ‘team captain’ would put me as one of the heads of the school?

A sigh and shake of the head was all I could think to do at the thought, and I weaseled my way through the other cheering boys to sit on the bench by my locker. A quick breather never hurt anyone… unless they decided to interrupt my alone time.

Before long, the room had all but been vacated. I could hear one other shower still going, and decided that I was ready to wash myself off. Everything was stripped from my tacky skin where I stood and draped over my bag. Then, the walk to the wall that housed all of the shower heads commenced. Of course, the one boy I wasn’t expecting was also the one boy still stood under the running water.

He was always so effortlessly gorgeous (had been for the longest of times), but I’d never actually seen him like this—he either skipped showers after games or was the first one to leave while I was still sitting at my small locker.

Then, something came over me. I didn’t know what it was, had never really felt it before, but I physically couldn’t stop myself from stepping closer. Alex was turned away from me, his head tilted back a bit and his hands running soap over his body. When I was close enough, I could hear him humming over the sound of the water pelting against the tile.

It was as my hand reached out to touch him that I came-to enough to make a split second decision. That was all I needed before I gave in and pushed him against the wall. He turned around in shock almost immediately, but by that point, I’d already closed the distance between us. Both hands took purchase on his wrists, lifting them over his head, before I bit my lip and edged a little closer.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he yelled. He did his best to wriggle away from me, but my grip was too much.

With a quiet, “I love you,” I was leaning in and pressing my lips against his… or, at least, the corner of his mouth.

“What the fuck?” he mumbled. He was still squirming in my hold, his teeth biting wherever they could reach. I knew that if I didn’t tell him everything soon enough, he’d lift his leg just enough to leave me there in pain. Pushing our bodies firmly together, I pushed his legs apart so that they were outside of my own, the insides of his thighs squished against the outsides of mine. The action caused our crotches to rub together, and a gasp fell from my lips as I tilted my head enough for our foreheads to be against one another’s.

“Baby, please,” I said softly, keeping my voice quiet in hopes of calming him down. “Listen to me for a minute, okay, baby?”

“I’m not your fucking baby,” he snapped, pushing his chest against mine.

“Sh, baby, not yet. You could be. We could be together, Alex. Oli and Alex, Alex and Oli. Just like old times, remember? I love you so much. I’ve missed you. I’m sorry I was so stupid, baby. I’m sorry I drove you away. Maybe we could start again, yeah? Lovers and partners in crime. I’d be so much better to you than they ever were. Think of all the things we cou—”

“Get the fuck off of me! What the hell is wrong with you? You’re fucking sick. What, is this to get back at Jack? Do you really think this is going to work? Or did that guy tackle you too hard and knock one too many screws loose?” he growled, still pushing himself against me. He had to have just been putting on a show, just in case someone walked in. They’d think that we were actually fighting, and then they’d break us apart and we’d be able to go on like nothing happened. At least, in everyone’s view nothing new would’ve happened.

Still, I kissed him again. “I was always so scared to tell you… scared that you’d hate me, just for loving you. How silly is that? I can still love you better than anyone else, baby. Give me a chance, and I swear things’ll be different with us. We could start over completely, but we could keep it a secret, if you want. No one will have to know. Then, after we graduate, we can move somewhere far away where no one will know anything about us other than the fact that we were made for each other.”

“You’re disgusting,” he growled back, but I knew that he was playing hard to get. He just needed an extra little push, something to show him that I was better for him than anyone else he’d ever meet, Jack included. I brought his hands closer together above his head and held them in place with one of my own, allowing my right hand to caress down his dripping body.

“You’re still just as gorgeous as you were when we were younger… I can’t believe you never noticed the way I’d stare at you. You’ve filled out so nicely since then, baby. God, you’re just fucking perfect… so sexy…” When my hand wrapped tightly around his dick, he gasped. “I can make you feel so much better, baby… can make you see the stars like no one else. Do you know how long I’ve wanted to get you like this? You’re so god damn sexy. I could treat you so much better.”

I tightened my grip when I felt him start to get hard in my hold, and then, of course, there was an annoying beeping noise from somewhere in the maze of lockers. The suddenness of it had me jumping just fractionally, and then Alex was finally wiggling away from me to dash away. I followed behind, but he had already reached his phone and pulled it from his bag.

“Angel? Yeah, baby, I’m on my way,” he rushed out, keeping his gaze trained on me while still attempting to hide the semi-erection I’d been the cause of. “Everything’s fine, Jay… yeah, don’t worry about it, you just scared me is all… I’m gonna be there soon, angel, alright? I just need to stop at my place to get changed into something better… yeah, I’ll see you soon.” With that, he made an exaggerated kissing sound down the line.

“Baby, I—” was all I could get out before he was squaring his shoulders with as much confidence as he could muster.

“Don’t call me baby, don’t come near me again, and don’t even fucking look at my boyfriend. You’re nothing to me. You haven’t been anything to me since I was fifteen, and that isn’t going to change just because you try to fucking rape me in a filthy locker room. Now get the fuck out of my sight before I call the cops,” he warned. That was the absolute last thing I wanted, and with my own confidence fading into the walls, I was turning and slinking to my own locker just a few rows down.

How could I have been so stupid? What could possibly possess me into thinking that spilling my guts and, like he said, nearly raping him was what would get him to love me? Why would he love me?

I was pacing and shaking up and down the row, and only moments later, I could hear the door leading to the outside world slam shut. With no one around but my own self, I let out a loud growl and let my fist connect with the wall to my right. Only a few brief seconds were taken to be thankful about no bones breaking from the impact, but it wasn’t long before I was slumping onto the bench with exhaustion, my thoughts still racing and my body still naked.

Notes