“Oli!” I heard my name being said. “Oli, what the hell, man?”

I blinked a few times before turning my head towards the direction of the voice. I guess I had lost myself looking up at the clouds drifting through the blue, spring sky.

“What’s up, mate?” I asked my best friend once I realized that he was sitting next to me.

Alex shrugged. “I was trying to tell you something, and you total spaced out. I don’t think you’ve ever done that before…”

I tried to keep myself from blushing. “I’m sorry,” I said sheepishly. “What were you saying?”

His laugh floated through the air like music to my ears. “I was thinking about asking Ashley from our history class out. I really like her, you know? And I think she likes me, too, but I don’t know. Do you think it’s a good idea?”

No absolutely not. “I don’t know.” I bit my lip. “Maybe you shouldn’t…”

“Oh.” Alex’s shoulders deflated and he slumped over a little bit. “Why—why not?”

Because I’m in love with you. “Oh—uh, I don’t know.” I panicked slightly, not having a real answer that I could tell him, “I just don’t think it would be a good idea.”

Alex looked up at me with wide eyes. “Oli, if you know something that would affect my decision, you gotta tell me. I really like her, but I don’t want to ask her out if she’s gonna say no…”

“I don’t know anything,” I mumbled, avoiding his gaze. The truth was, Ashley would say yes in a heartbeat, and that made me incredibly jealous. Watching her make heart eyes at him during class was almost sickening. But I could just be biased, considering my feelings for Alex.

I guess I knew he’d get a girlfriend, or a boyfriend even, at some point. Alex had come out as bisexual earlier in the school year, but that didn’t mean I had a chance. I’d always just be the best friend, and he’d find someone else to kiss and to hug. I guess I just wasn’t prepared for it to happen so soon. I knew I needed to get a grip on myself, but it just hadn’t happened yet.

“I can tell when you’re lying,” Alex matched my quiet tone. “Oli, please. I know you’re trying to protect me or something, but I think this is something I need to know.”

I sighed. Maybe I should just tell him how I feel. It’s not like it would really change anything; he’d still like Ashley and I’d still get my heart broken, but maybe if I was pointblank rejected, then I’d be able to get over him quicker. And it’s not like he’s homophobic or something, so he wouldn’t hate me.

“It’s j-j-just that,” I stuttered out, trying to keep my voice steady. “I—um—I like,” I paused and took a deep breath.

Oh, God, he’d been looking directly at me. His eyebrows were cinched together and he was biting his lip. What if he did hate me for falling for him? I couldn’t bear to lose him, he was my best friend. Even if it meant suffering in silence while he dated other people.

“I like her, too!” I blurted out.

Alex sighed. “Oh. Oli—I—Fuck. What are we going to do?”

Forget about her and continue being best friends so I could have a chance to make you fall in love with me. “I don’t know,” I said with a shrug.

“I mean, I guess you can have her,” he replied, his lips curling into a sad half smile.

“No!” I practically yelled.

Alex jumped slightly and looked up at me with confusion in his eyes.

“I mean, um… I don’t want you to get hurt,” I rushed out, feeling myself blush at how stupid I was being.

“I feel the same way, though.” He sighed. “One of us is going to end up getting hurt no matter what…”

I didn’t say anything. No matter what happened, it was going to be me that got hurt, that’s just how it worked with Alex and me. He’d get the girl and I’d end up crying alone in my room in a futile attempt to get over him. I would do anything to make him happy, even if it meant I was upset.

We sat in silence for a few minutes before he jumped up suddenly and grabbed me by the shoulder. “I got it!” he exclaimed. “We’ll both go after her!”

Have you lost your mind? “I don’t know if that’s a good idea…” I bit my lip. Any idea that involved Alex even attempting to pursue her seemed like a bad idea to me, but that was particularly bad.

“No, it’s great, I swear,” he said enthusiastically. “Like, that way we’ll both have a chance with her. But she has to ask one of us out first, that way it’s far.”

I sighed. I really didn’t think this was a good idea, but I guess it could be worse. I knew that he’d end up with her no matter what, but at least this way, it would be delayed until she asked him. Which probably wouldn’t happen for a while… Ashley was definitely a nice girl, but she was really shy.

“I guess that would work…” I shrugged. A feeling of dread made its way into my stomach. Somehow, I just knew this would turn out badly.

---

As the last month of school wore on and on, things between Alex and I were weird. We weren’t as close as we used to be. Everything was a competition now, from who could get the best grade all the way to something as stupid as who could eat the most slices of pizza when we hung out.

Something else that changed—he spent all of his time with Ashley. Whether it be chatting before class started or hanging out on the weekends. It was really cutting into my Alex time, and that sucked. Even when we were together he was always texting her, which was really annoying. I hated it, and I was slowly starting to hate her.

I knew that I couldn’t let him have her that easily, though, what with our deal and all. It would look bad if I wasn’t even trying. So I dealt with it, and I talked to her. Flirting with her was painfully awkward for me, but I made her laugh, so I couldn’t have been doing that badly. I didn’t know what I’d do if she actually asked me out, though; it’s not like I could say no or anything.

The week of exams, I found out that all of my work had been for nothing. I saw it on Facebook. Alex Gaskarth is in a relationship with Ashley Normann. Of course it hurt, seeing that he had won, but what hurt more was finding out that he’d won through Facebook. He couldn’t even tell me in person.

I wanted to text him immediately and demand an explanation, or at least acknowledge that it had happened, but something was stopping me. I don’t know if it was the tight feeling in my chest or the fact that he had posted it 3 hours ago that stopped me, but it was obvious he didn’t want me to know that she had asked him out, so I left it be.

---

It was the next day at school when I found out something was up. The entire morning Alex acted like nothing had happened. He still talked to Ashley a lot, but he didn’t say anything to me about dating her.

It wasn’t until I was walking to lunch alone that I overheard what had really happened. Alex normally met me at my locker where we would walk to lunch together, but for some reason he was a no show that day, so I walked by myself.

I walked by a group of other guys in my grade when I heard someone—his name was Josh, or John, or maybe Jordan, something along the lines of that—talking rather loudly about my best friend.

“Did you guys hear that Gaskarth asked out Ashley?” he gossiped. “Of course that little prick would score the hottest girl in the grade.”

“I heard that Sykes likes her, too,” another member of the group chimed in. “I wonder if something’s going to go down between them.”

That’s when I stopped listening. A mixture of anger and sadness overtook me. I couldn’t believe he asked her out. It was his stupid rule that said she had to do it, and he broke it like it was nothing! I was so angry, yet so hurt that he would do that to me.

I didn’t go to lunch that day. I didn’t even stay for the rest of the day. I went straight home and locked myself in my bedroom. I was hurt yes, but I was more angry than anything. How could he do that to me? Forgetting all of my feelings for him, I still can’t believe he did that… and to be completely honest, I wanted revenge.

---

I was a bad person. I went from being in love with my ex best friend to stealing his girlfriend. I don’t know why I did it, but I just couldn’t stop myself. I wanted to hurt him the way he had hurt me. I wanted him to feel my pain.

I thought that once I had her, I would be satisfied. I thought I could date her for a few months and then dump her and everything would be good. But no, when Alex confronted me and tried to act like it was my fault, I knew that I had to go even further. I wouldn’t be satisfied until he had nothing.

I went to my brother and his friends. I had to tell them the entire story, but in the end, they took my side and promised to help me get revenge and no one would know that I was behind it all. All I had to do was assure that Alex and Ashley were at the park at the same time, and they’d do the rest.

I didn’t feel guilty when they did it. I watched from the top of a nearby tree as a group of ten people I didn’t know beat the shit out of my ‘girlfriend’ and ‘best friend.’ It felt good actually, knowing that he was paying for what he had done.

It wasn’t until the group had left Alex and Ashley bloody and beaten laying on the pavement. That was when I started to feel guilty. I watched as they tried in vain to stand up and stagger away; I desperately wanted to help them. Regardless of what he had done to me, Alex was my best friend, and I was in love with him. And poor Ashley, she was just a bystander in this huge mess.

I was frozen to the tree branch as I watch a group of kids run over to them—I recognized them as the same group that had unknowingly told me about what Alex had done.

“Alex?! Ashley?!” one of them yelled, running over to the two poor people.

At least someone was there to help them. As the boys practically dragged the two out of the park I realized something… or, well, two things. One, I was going to hell, and two, nothing would ever be the same. The worst part though? I had no one to blame but myself.

---

After that day, it was like I couldn’t stop. I became more and more bitter, not even bothering with attempting to make true friends or move on from the love of my life Alex. I was even bitter toward Alex. There were fights in the halls, in the field behind the school, one or two times at the park…

It hurt me emotionally just as much as it did physically, but I didn’t know how to stop. It wasn’t like he would’ve believed me if I was honest with him. Why would he? All I could do was stop other people from dating him.

If I couldn’t have him, then nobody could.

Notes