Jack Barakat Imagines
Missing You
Your POV
I was in my room, blasting out whatever music was on my playlist to make me happy. It wasn’t working. I felt like I didn’t belong, that nothing here could keep me. Nothing here wanted me. Where even was my place in this world? What did I have to offer? Nothing. Not to me.
I guess the only thing that I could stay for was Jack. Jack was my very best friend. I trusted him with everything. He could always make me feel better. But he wasn’t here. I needed him and he wasn’t here to help me. I felt so alone.
This was my way of trying to medicate myself from this feeling. I hated the way it felt, I hated what it did to me. But there was nothing I could do to stop it. I just had to feel it. I had to. I hated it and everything it did to me, but I had to feel it.
Before I knew it, I had tears down my cheeks, and I began to feel even more worthless. I didn’t fit in here, I didn’t belong here. What the fuck was I supposed to do? I didn’t know what to do.
“Y/N?” I heard Jack’s voice call out to me. I forgot that I asked him over today. I glanced over at my phone. Yep, he did text and call a bunch. I didn’t say anything and continued to hold myself in the position I was in. I didn’t want him to see me like this. He has before, but I still don’t want it.“Y/N, where are you?”
Again I said nothing. Quiet sobs were struggling to fill my room with noise, but nothing came out. “I’m checking your bedroom.”
Jack was going to check where I was and I didn’t even have the energy to hide myself. How fucking pathetic is that? I heard his footsteps getting closer, and I cringed even more. I didn’t want him to see me like this. I was going to have to bear it.
“Y/N, are you here?” He asked as he opened the door. Still sitting in the middle of my floor with music blasting. I had tried to hurt myself but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I couldn’t even fucking hurt myself.
Jack let out a little gasp when he saw the mess I was. He rushed by my side and started checking all over for any sign of wounds. “I’m fine, Jack, I’m fine,” I told him, but he still wanted to make sure.
“I just need to make sure, love,” he whispered to me. “I can help I promise.”
My heart shivered when I heard Jack call me love. He only called me that back when we dated for like a week. It was the weirdest experience, but he broke it off because apparently I didn’t feel right. I still had feelings for him, but I didn’t let it get in the way of our friendship.
“I’m going to help you, okay? We can get through this. I know how much this hurts.” He brought me to the bathroom, and turned on the water in the bathtub.
“What are you doing?” I managed to choke out.
“We need to get you cleaned up, you’ve made a mess again.”
“Jack, I didn’t hurt myself.”
“I don’t care, water makes everything feel better. Come on love, let’s get you feeling better.”
I sighed and complied. My peeled off my shirt and wiggled out of my pants. Jack didn’t look my way, and tried to give me some privacy as I stripped down. I didn’t want him to leave me, so I asked him if he could stay.
He still didn’t look at me. When the water was warm enough he told me to get in the tub. I did as he said and sat down. His face was turned away, and he was a bright shade of pink. He stood up and started to walk away.
“Please stay, Jack,” I pleaded.
“Okay,” he sighed. He turned around and looked at me for the first time in a while. The pink shade still on his cheeks. He came next to me and sat right by me rubbing circles on my hand. It was times like these where it was hard as hell to get over him. “Hold on tight, love,” he whispered as he continued to comfort me.
He started to take a sponge and filled it with water to wash me of my sadness. It was helping, but it wasn’t helping my feelings for him. I didn’t know what to do.
When the bath was starting to get cold, Jack brought me out of it. He held my hand to make sure I didn’t fall, then looked away from me as quickly as he could as I grabbed a towel. He drained the bath, and then turned my way. His gaze was on the floor.
We walked into my room, and I sat on the bed, not knowing what to do. He sat right next to me, and grabbed my hand again. Jesus, Jack, you’re not making this any easier for me.
“What happened Y/N?”
“What do you mean?”
“What happened that you wanted to sit in the middle of your room and cry on the floor?” He lifted his eyes to me and I turned mine to look at the ground.
“I’m having trouble finding my place in the world, and it was the only way I knew how to self medicate.”
Jack nodded and reached for my thigh. “I know how much that hurts.” He sighed and I decided to lean my head on his shoulder. I felt him tense, but what I really needed was his comfort and presence. He put his arm around my waist and I sighed deeply.
He stood up kind of suddenly. “I have an idea.”
“What?” I looked up at him, confused.
“Follow me.”
“Jack, I’m in a towel.”
“No time for clothing, follow me.”
I did as he said and followed him without question. He brought me out of my apartment, and up dozens of stairs. We reached the roof and he brought me out to gaze at all the street lights. I was still in my towel, and it was cold as hell.
“I’m cold,” I told him shivering. He wrapped me in a hug, and I happily hugged him right back.
“Don’t worry love, I have an idea.”
“And what is this fantastic idea?” I tried not to dwell on the fact that he called me love again, but it was so damn hard.
“You can’t find your place you said?” I nodded. “Well fuck them, you don’t need a place. Your place right now is right here with me.”
I gave him a half smile. not really understanding what he meant, but it made my heart flutter.
“And you know what we’re going to do?” I shook my head. “We’re going to yell that to the world so it knows we don’t give a shit. That we are infinite if we try. It’s our life. Say it with me, Y/N. Fuck the world.”
“Fuck the world,” I mumbled.
“Louder. Say it. Fuck the world!”
“Fuck the world!”
“Good now shout it. FUCK THE WORLD!”
“FUCK THE WORLD!”
He chuckled, and came close to me. He set his hands on my waist and I kept mine clutched up to my chest. He rested his forehead on mine. “And never for a second blame yourself,” he whispered. I nodded, stepping further into his embrace. “Now come on, let’s get you downstairs.”
On our way down, we saw a couple watching us as they were going up. I was still in my towel, and my face became hot with embarrassment. “Don’t forget, Y/N. Fuck the world.”
I nodded. “Fuck the world,” I whispered as I held onto his arm.
We reached my bedroom, and he sat on my bed. He patted next to him for me to sit, and just as I was about to, he grabbed my hips and set me on his lap.
I was sitting in his lap and he was holding me. He placed his chin on my shoulder and kissed it. “I don’t want you to leave me,” he mumbled into my shoulder.
“I won’t,” I assured him.
“It only takes a little push, love. I’m here for you. But if you leave me, you’ll miss out on so much that you could’ve done. And you know what?”
“What?” I turned to his meet his eyes.
“I’d miss you so much.” He whispered as his grip around me tightened. “So don’t lose your fight love. Because I’m right here.” He kissed my cheek, and my face burned. He smiled as he held me, not wanting to let go. I didn’t want him to let go. I was still in my towel.
I turned to look at him and gave him a soft smile. “Fuck the world, right?”
He grinned and nodded. “Yeah. Fuck the world.”
I was in my room, blasting out whatever music was on my playlist to make me happy. It wasn’t working. I felt like I didn’t belong, that nothing here could keep me. Nothing here wanted me. Where even was my place in this world? What did I have to offer? Nothing. Not to me.
I guess the only thing that I could stay for was Jack. Jack was my very best friend. I trusted him with everything. He could always make me feel better. But he wasn’t here. I needed him and he wasn’t here to help me. I felt so alone.
This was my way of trying to medicate myself from this feeling. I hated the way it felt, I hated what it did to me. But there was nothing I could do to stop it. I just had to feel it. I had to. I hated it and everything it did to me, but I had to feel it.
Before I knew it, I had tears down my cheeks, and I began to feel even more worthless. I didn’t fit in here, I didn’t belong here. What the fuck was I supposed to do? I didn’t know what to do.
“Y/N?” I heard Jack’s voice call out to me. I forgot that I asked him over today. I glanced over at my phone. Yep, he did text and call a bunch. I didn’t say anything and continued to hold myself in the position I was in. I didn’t want him to see me like this. He has before, but I still don’t want it.“Y/N, where are you?”
Again I said nothing. Quiet sobs were struggling to fill my room with noise, but nothing came out. “I’m checking your bedroom.”
Jack was going to check where I was and I didn’t even have the energy to hide myself. How fucking pathetic is that? I heard his footsteps getting closer, and I cringed even more. I didn’t want him to see me like this. I was going to have to bear it.
“Y/N, are you here?” He asked as he opened the door. Still sitting in the middle of my floor with music blasting. I had tried to hurt myself but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I couldn’t even fucking hurt myself.
Jack let out a little gasp when he saw the mess I was. He rushed by my side and started checking all over for any sign of wounds. “I’m fine, Jack, I’m fine,” I told him, but he still wanted to make sure.
“I just need to make sure, love,” he whispered to me. “I can help I promise.”
My heart shivered when I heard Jack call me love. He only called me that back when we dated for like a week. It was the weirdest experience, but he broke it off because apparently I didn’t feel right. I still had feelings for him, but I didn’t let it get in the way of our friendship.
“I’m going to help you, okay? We can get through this. I know how much this hurts.” He brought me to the bathroom, and turned on the water in the bathtub.
“What are you doing?” I managed to choke out.
“We need to get you cleaned up, you’ve made a mess again.”
“Jack, I didn’t hurt myself.”
“I don’t care, water makes everything feel better. Come on love, let’s get you feeling better.”
I sighed and complied. My peeled off my shirt and wiggled out of my pants. Jack didn’t look my way, and tried to give me some privacy as I stripped down. I didn’t want him to leave me, so I asked him if he could stay.
He still didn’t look at me. When the water was warm enough he told me to get in the tub. I did as he said and sat down. His face was turned away, and he was a bright shade of pink. He stood up and started to walk away.
“Please stay, Jack,” I pleaded.
“Okay,” he sighed. He turned around and looked at me for the first time in a while. The pink shade still on his cheeks. He came next to me and sat right by me rubbing circles on my hand. It was times like these where it was hard as hell to get over him. “Hold on tight, love,” he whispered as he continued to comfort me.
He started to take a sponge and filled it with water to wash me of my sadness. It was helping, but it wasn’t helping my feelings for him. I didn’t know what to do.
When the bath was starting to get cold, Jack brought me out of it. He held my hand to make sure I didn’t fall, then looked away from me as quickly as he could as I grabbed a towel. He drained the bath, and then turned my way. His gaze was on the floor.
We walked into my room, and I sat on the bed, not knowing what to do. He sat right next to me, and grabbed my hand again. Jesus, Jack, you’re not making this any easier for me.
“What happened Y/N?”
“What do you mean?”
“What happened that you wanted to sit in the middle of your room and cry on the floor?” He lifted his eyes to me and I turned mine to look at the ground.
“I’m having trouble finding my place in the world, and it was the only way I knew how to self medicate.”
Jack nodded and reached for my thigh. “I know how much that hurts.” He sighed and I decided to lean my head on his shoulder. I felt him tense, but what I really needed was his comfort and presence. He put his arm around my waist and I sighed deeply.
He stood up kind of suddenly. “I have an idea.”
“What?” I looked up at him, confused.
“Follow me.”
“Jack, I’m in a towel.”
“No time for clothing, follow me.”
I did as he said and followed him without question. He brought me out of my apartment, and up dozens of stairs. We reached the roof and he brought me out to gaze at all the street lights. I was still in my towel, and it was cold as hell.
“I’m cold,” I told him shivering. He wrapped me in a hug, and I happily hugged him right back.
“Don’t worry love, I have an idea.”
“And what is this fantastic idea?” I tried not to dwell on the fact that he called me love again, but it was so damn hard.
“You can’t find your place you said?” I nodded. “Well fuck them, you don’t need a place. Your place right now is right here with me.”
I gave him a half smile. not really understanding what he meant, but it made my heart flutter.
“And you know what we’re going to do?” I shook my head. “We’re going to yell that to the world so it knows we don’t give a shit. That we are infinite if we try. It’s our life. Say it with me, Y/N. Fuck the world.”
“Fuck the world,” I mumbled.
“Louder. Say it. Fuck the world!”
“Fuck the world!”
“Good now shout it. FUCK THE WORLD!”
“FUCK THE WORLD!”
He chuckled, and came close to me. He set his hands on my waist and I kept mine clutched up to my chest. He rested his forehead on mine. “And never for a second blame yourself,” he whispered. I nodded, stepping further into his embrace. “Now come on, let’s get you downstairs.”
On our way down, we saw a couple watching us as they were going up. I was still in my towel, and my face became hot with embarrassment. “Don’t forget, Y/N. Fuck the world.”
I nodded. “Fuck the world,” I whispered as I held onto his arm.
We reached my bedroom, and he sat on my bed. He patted next to him for me to sit, and just as I was about to, he grabbed my hips and set me on his lap.
I was sitting in his lap and he was holding me. He placed his chin on my shoulder and kissed it. “I don’t want you to leave me,” he mumbled into my shoulder.
“I won’t,” I assured him.
“It only takes a little push, love. I’m here for you. But if you leave me, you’ll miss out on so much that you could’ve done. And you know what?”
“What?” I turned to his meet his eyes.
“I’d miss you so much.” He whispered as his grip around me tightened. “So don’t lose your fight love. Because I’m right here.” He kissed my cheek, and my face burned. He smiled as he held me, not wanting to let go. I didn’t want him to let go. I was still in my towel.
I turned to look at him and gave him a soft smile. “Fuck the world, right?”
He grinned and nodded. “Yeah. Fuck the world.”
@SecretsDontMakeFriends
RIGHT SOMEONE POINTED THAT OUT ON MY WATTPAD VERSION AND I WAS LIKE ???? how did i do that I'm magical
9/19/16