Jack Barakat Imagines
Cancer
Warning: cancer mention
Your POV
My mom was diagnosed with cancer at 43. My grandmother died of breast cancer when she was 48. So you can imagine how surprised I was to find out I’ve been diagnosed at the age of 25. My mother had survived when she had it, but it was bound to come back stronger. It always has.
I was driving back from the hospital, thinking about how I was going to tell Jack, my boyfriend. Was he still going to love me when I was bald? I haven’t even had kids yet. What if they chop off my boobs like they did my mom? I’m not ready to go through that yet. I’m just not ready.
Tears were streaming down my face and I tried to contain myself. My breath was shaky, but somehow I managed to keep the car in tact. How the fuck am I going to tell Jack. Am I even getting chemotherapy? They haven’t told me the stage I was in yet. Which, aren’t you supposed to do that right away? They just confirmed it. Am I going to die? I’m not ready to die yet.
I started to tap my fingers uncontrollably, something I did when I was nervous. I decided that I might as well have to tell Jack. I’m not going to keep a fucking bald head secret from him. I pulled up to his house, and took a deep breath. Good thing I had decided against make up today, or it would be all over my face by now.
I quickly wiped my tears, not wanting Jack to see me like this. I took a deep breath, and straightened out my hair. He loves me. He’s not going to leave. I hope..
I knocked on the door, which I never do, but I was a little out of it. Jack came to the door rather quickly. “Hey, Y/N,” he smiled down at me.
“Hey,” I tried to return his smile.
“You’ve been crying,” he observes. He takes my chin in his soft hands to tilt my head up to look at him. So much for trying to hide it. “Come on.”
He took me inside, and sat me on the couch. I just curled myself into a ball, and pulled his pillows up to my chest. I inhaled his scent on them and wondered if this was the last time I’d smell his scent like this. What if he breaks it off..?
“You want anything?” he calls from the kitchen.
I shook my head, but realized he couldn’t see me. “No, I’m good,” I manage to croak out. My eyes were threatening tears again, and I squeeze the pillow tighter.
“I was in the middle of making burritos, so I’ll be there in a sec.”
I nod, and even though he couldn’t see me, I’m sure that he understood that I heard him. He came back with his plate of burritos, and came to sit next to me. He puts his plate on the table in front of us. “You sure you don’t want a burrito?” I nod quietly.
If he breaks up with me, I don’t want to ruin burritos for myself completely, so I shouldn’t associate this day with anything. Tears fall down my cheek again.
“Hey,” he coos. He pulls me close to his chest, so I can cry into his shoulder. “It’s going to be okay.” He pets my hair to calm me down, and I sob into his shirt. He rubs circles on my skin, and I shiver from the light touch. It always tickled me a little bit.
“It’s not, you’re going to hate me,” I choked out. I couldn’t help but fear the worst. Even as he was trying to comfort me, my mind raced through all of the possible scenarios that could happen. About 10% had a decent outcome.
“I could never hate you, Y/N. I love you, you know that. You know that you’re my favorite person in the entire world, right?” He holds my head close to him, and tightens when he tells me this. I nod again, but I don’t think so. Not after what I’m going to tell him. “Just tell me what’s bothering you.”
“I can’t,” I breathe.
He doesn’t respond for a while. He lets go of my head so I can look at him. He looks dead in my eyes, and takes a breath. “Are you cheating on me..?”
“Of course not!” I sniffle some more. I could never cheat on him. Ever.
“Do you not love me anymore, is that what it is?” his voice slowly started to go up in pitch, and I could tell he was getting upset. Shit.
“No, that’s not it at all love, I promise.” I take his hand in mine and rub my thumb over it.
“Then what is it? What’s got you this upset? Oh my god are you movi-”
“No Jack, listen.” His head comes up, and he looks at me in the eyes. This is going to be even harder than I thought. “Jack, I- I.. I- I h-have b-been diagnosed.. w-with cancer..” I’ve managed to get it out, and my shoulders come down from their tense position.
“What?” he inhales.
“You know how I told you about my mom and my grandma? I have the gene, and they found something today.” I breathe, trying to calm myself, but it’s not working. My tears fall down my face faster, and just can’t help it.
“Oh my god..” His head falls, and he just stares at the ground. “How old did your grandma live to again..?” he asks after a while.
“48.”
“Oh.. You’re not going to die, are you..?” He looks up at me, and tears are brimming his eyes.
“I don’t know,” I whisper. I honestly didn’t. They didn’t tell me the stage I was on or whether or not it was terminal.
The tears on Jack’s face fell down, he couldn’t stop them anymore. “But you can’t die, I love you. You can’t leave me, Y/N, you just can’t.” He starts sobbing, and I have no idea how to stop him. He’s always been the one to comfort me. He rests his head on my chest, and grabs a fistful of my shirt. “I love you, I don’t want you to go, please don’t leave me.”
“Jack, I’m going to be with you whether or not I’m physically here. You know I love you, I’d never leave willingly.” Tears were falling down my face, and I couldn’t control my sniffles.
“Y/N, I love you. I love you so much. I don’t want to wake up in a world where I’m not with you. I don’t want to roll over and see someone else in my bed. I don’t want anyone but you. I don’t want you to go. Please don’t go.” He tightens his grip on my shirt, and I hold him even tighter than before. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” I whisper. The sound of my phone ringing interrupts our session, and Jack sits up so I can answer it. Tears were still falling down his face. “Hello?” I answer.
“Hello is this Y/N?”
“Yes.”
“Hello this is Margaret over at John Hopkins Hospital, I was told by your doctor to relay some information he forgot to include when talking to you today.”
“Okay,” I breathe. Was she going to tell me which stage I was in. I grabbed on to Jack’s shirt to brace myself.
“He told me to tell you that your tumor is a stage one, and that the most we’ll have to do would be radiation. You will not need chemotherapy.”
“Oh thank god..” I exhale. Jack looked over to me with expectant eyes. By now his cries had ceased, but were his eyes were still wet and puffy.
“Call this number if you have any more questions. Have a nice day.”
“Thank you.” I hung up without saying goodbye, and turned to Jack with a wide smile. “It’s only a stage one, Jack. I’m going to be okay. I’m going to be okay.” I said it once for him and once again to myself.
“You mean, you’re not going to die?” He inhaled, and I shook my head. “Oh thank fuck!” He launched himself on to me and squeezed me into the most passionate hug I’ve ever had. I laugh slightly, and he lets go, smiling.
Even though his face was still wet, and his eyes were bloodshot, he knew I was going to be okay. He gave me the biggest smile and grabbed me to pull me close. When I was about face level, he kissed my lips. My eyes fluttered close, and I wrapped my arms around his neck. I’m so glad that I have him. I’m so glad that I get to keep him.
Your POV
My mom was diagnosed with cancer at 43. My grandmother died of breast cancer when she was 48. So you can imagine how surprised I was to find out I’ve been diagnosed at the age of 25. My mother had survived when she had it, but it was bound to come back stronger. It always has.
I was driving back from the hospital, thinking about how I was going to tell Jack, my boyfriend. Was he still going to love me when I was bald? I haven’t even had kids yet. What if they chop off my boobs like they did my mom? I’m not ready to go through that yet. I’m just not ready.
Tears were streaming down my face and I tried to contain myself. My breath was shaky, but somehow I managed to keep the car in tact. How the fuck am I going to tell Jack. Am I even getting chemotherapy? They haven’t told me the stage I was in yet. Which, aren’t you supposed to do that right away? They just confirmed it. Am I going to die? I’m not ready to die yet.
I started to tap my fingers uncontrollably, something I did when I was nervous. I decided that I might as well have to tell Jack. I’m not going to keep a fucking bald head secret from him. I pulled up to his house, and took a deep breath. Good thing I had decided against make up today, or it would be all over my face by now.
I quickly wiped my tears, not wanting Jack to see me like this. I took a deep breath, and straightened out my hair. He loves me. He’s not going to leave. I hope..
I knocked on the door, which I never do, but I was a little out of it. Jack came to the door rather quickly. “Hey, Y/N,” he smiled down at me.
“Hey,” I tried to return his smile.
“You’ve been crying,” he observes. He takes my chin in his soft hands to tilt my head up to look at him. So much for trying to hide it. “Come on.”
He took me inside, and sat me on the couch. I just curled myself into a ball, and pulled his pillows up to my chest. I inhaled his scent on them and wondered if this was the last time I’d smell his scent like this. What if he breaks it off..?
“You want anything?” he calls from the kitchen.
I shook my head, but realized he couldn’t see me. “No, I’m good,” I manage to croak out. My eyes were threatening tears again, and I squeeze the pillow tighter.
“I was in the middle of making burritos, so I’ll be there in a sec.”
I nod, and even though he couldn’t see me, I’m sure that he understood that I heard him. He came back with his plate of burritos, and came to sit next to me. He puts his plate on the table in front of us. “You sure you don’t want a burrito?” I nod quietly.
If he breaks up with me, I don’t want to ruin burritos for myself completely, so I shouldn’t associate this day with anything. Tears fall down my cheek again.
“Hey,” he coos. He pulls me close to his chest, so I can cry into his shoulder. “It’s going to be okay.” He pets my hair to calm me down, and I sob into his shirt. He rubs circles on my skin, and I shiver from the light touch. It always tickled me a little bit.
“It’s not, you’re going to hate me,” I choked out. I couldn’t help but fear the worst. Even as he was trying to comfort me, my mind raced through all of the possible scenarios that could happen. About 10% had a decent outcome.
“I could never hate you, Y/N. I love you, you know that. You know that you’re my favorite person in the entire world, right?” He holds my head close to him, and tightens when he tells me this. I nod again, but I don’t think so. Not after what I’m going to tell him. “Just tell me what’s bothering you.”
“I can’t,” I breathe.
He doesn’t respond for a while. He lets go of my head so I can look at him. He looks dead in my eyes, and takes a breath. “Are you cheating on me..?”
“Of course not!” I sniffle some more. I could never cheat on him. Ever.
“Do you not love me anymore, is that what it is?” his voice slowly started to go up in pitch, and I could tell he was getting upset. Shit.
“No, that’s not it at all love, I promise.” I take his hand in mine and rub my thumb over it.
“Then what is it? What’s got you this upset? Oh my god are you movi-”
“No Jack, listen.” His head comes up, and he looks at me in the eyes. This is going to be even harder than I thought. “Jack, I- I.. I- I h-have b-been diagnosed.. w-with cancer..” I’ve managed to get it out, and my shoulders come down from their tense position.
“What?” he inhales.
“You know how I told you about my mom and my grandma? I have the gene, and they found something today.” I breathe, trying to calm myself, but it’s not working. My tears fall down my face faster, and just can’t help it.
“Oh my god..” His head falls, and he just stares at the ground. “How old did your grandma live to again..?” he asks after a while.
“48.”
“Oh.. You’re not going to die, are you..?” He looks up at me, and tears are brimming his eyes.
“I don’t know,” I whisper. I honestly didn’t. They didn’t tell me the stage I was on or whether or not it was terminal.
The tears on Jack’s face fell down, he couldn’t stop them anymore. “But you can’t die, I love you. You can’t leave me, Y/N, you just can’t.” He starts sobbing, and I have no idea how to stop him. He’s always been the one to comfort me. He rests his head on my chest, and grabs a fistful of my shirt. “I love you, I don’t want you to go, please don’t leave me.”
“Jack, I’m going to be with you whether or not I’m physically here. You know I love you, I’d never leave willingly.” Tears were falling down my face, and I couldn’t control my sniffles.
“Y/N, I love you. I love you so much. I don’t want to wake up in a world where I’m not with you. I don’t want to roll over and see someone else in my bed. I don’t want anyone but you. I don’t want you to go. Please don’t go.” He tightens his grip on my shirt, and I hold him even tighter than before. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” I whisper. The sound of my phone ringing interrupts our session, and Jack sits up so I can answer it. Tears were still falling down his face. “Hello?” I answer.
“Hello is this Y/N?”
“Yes.”
“Hello this is Margaret over at John Hopkins Hospital, I was told by your doctor to relay some information he forgot to include when talking to you today.”
“Okay,” I breathe. Was she going to tell me which stage I was in. I grabbed on to Jack’s shirt to brace myself.
“He told me to tell you that your tumor is a stage one, and that the most we’ll have to do would be radiation. You will not need chemotherapy.”
“Oh thank god..” I exhale. Jack looked over to me with expectant eyes. By now his cries had ceased, but were his eyes were still wet and puffy.
“Call this number if you have any more questions. Have a nice day.”
“Thank you.” I hung up without saying goodbye, and turned to Jack with a wide smile. “It’s only a stage one, Jack. I’m going to be okay. I’m going to be okay.” I said it once for him and once again to myself.
“You mean, you’re not going to die?” He inhaled, and I shook my head. “Oh thank fuck!” He launched himself on to me and squeezed me into the most passionate hug I’ve ever had. I laugh slightly, and he lets go, smiling.
Even though his face was still wet, and his eyes were bloodshot, he knew I was going to be okay. He gave me the biggest smile and grabbed me to pull me close. When I was about face level, he kissed my lips. My eyes fluttered close, and I wrapped my arms around his neck. I’m so glad that I have him. I’m so glad that I get to keep him.
@SecretsDontMakeFriends
RIGHT SOMEONE POINTED THAT OUT ON MY WATTPAD VERSION AND I WAS LIKE ???? how did i do that I'm magical
9/19/16