Jack Barakat Imagines
Cheating Jack :c (Part 2)
Your POV
Despite telling Jack that we’d still be friends, I haven’t spoken to him in like two years. The pain of my boyfriend sleeping with my best friend behind my back lingered for a long time. Whenever I saw his band on TV or heard about them anywhere, a pain in my chest would become apparent. It wasn’t very fun at all.
After Cara’s funeral, I didn’t want to associate with Jack. I couldn’t. How could I be friends with someone who betrayed my most intimate trust? I couldn’t. I won’t.
I told myself this every day, and yet every day I kept imagining circumstances where we’d casually run into each other and catch up. Maybe he’d fall in love with me all over again. Maybe he’d stay in love with me. But that was highly unlikely.
He broke my heart but after two years I still craved him near me. The likeliness of me running into him in Baltimore were pretty slim. I mean I know he lives here and all, but All Time Low is constantly touring around the world. Baltimore is a big city afterall.
I still had trouble being sad that Cara died. She was my best friend, yeah, but she went behind my back to fuck my boyfriend and expected it not to end badly. No matter how much fun we had together, nothing could patch up the wound she carved in a span of five minutes.
I was having lunch at a cafe around two in the afternoon because I was reminded of Jack in my little apartment. We’d spent so much time together in there, and his memory wouldn’t leave me. I didn’t want to move, mostly because his memory was there. I like to think that sometimes we were still together. I moved in with him but after the incident, I went back to my shitty little apartment. And I either can’t stand it or I love it because it reminds me of him.
I was staring at my little 12 ounce latte in my hand, thinking about nothing when someone sits in front of me. No one ever approached me anywhere and my heart made a little leap making me think for a brief second that it was Jack. I knew what he looked like, sometimes I’d stalk his twitter or instagram. I never favorited anything though.
When I looked up, I was disappointed to find brown hair instead of black and blonde. I looked at the face and Jack’s best friend, Alex, was sitting in front of me. I guess they were back from Europe now. I hadn’t checked Twitter in a while.
He looked tired. Light bags were resting under his eyes, his hair was tousled, and his eyes were droopy. I guess it was a long tour. I hadn’t ever really talked to Alex very much, Jack didn’t really involve me in his music life much. Clue number one that he’d fall out of love with me.
“Yeah?” I addressed him.
“Y/N, we got to talk,” he says, leaning closer to me on his elbows.
“Alright, I’m listening.”
“Look, Jack hasn’t been the same since the whole incident happened. He doesn’t feel right about the whole thing. I know what happened, I know what he did to you, but he’s falling apart. He won’t eat, he won’t sleep, all he’ll do is drink. And when he does sleep, he wakes shortly after because of nightmares.”
“He’s probably having nightmares because he saw Cara die in front of him. You know, the one he actually loved.”
“I’ve been talking to him, and he says it’s not even about Cara anymore. Now his nightmares are plagued with you going under the bus instead. He knows he’s fucked up, and he wants you back. You have absolutely no obligation to take him back, but that’s what he’s telling me.”
“Why hasn’t he told me this himself?”
“He doesn’t think he deserves you.”
I scoffed. Of course he doesn’t deserve me, he lied to me. He broke my heart. I can’t take him back, that’s just committing suicide. Then again, I didn’t deserve him either. Do I go to him? Do I not? What the fuck do I do. “What do you want me to do, Alex?”
“At least come back with me to talk to him. He’s at his place right now.” I winced. That’s where the incident happened. “You don’t have to, I’m just thinking it’ll help. He hasn’t been the same, Y/N, and from what I can tell, you haven’t been either.”
I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. “Alright, I guess it can’t hurt to talk to him at least.”
Alex gave me a half smile, too tired to fully commit to the gesture, and stood up. I followed him out with my coffee. I decided I’d just go with him instead of taking my car. My car would stay here, but oh well. I’ll get it later.
The ride to Jack’s was silent. He glanced over at me to make sure I was still there and wasn’t going to bail out anytime soon. I stared straight ahead, too afraid to show any emotion. Alex pulled into Jack’s driveway after what seemed like forever and stopped for me to get out. I carefully opened the door, and went up to the front door.
I glanced back at Alex. He gave me a nod, and I just opened the door, figuring Jack wouldn’t be up anytime soon. I walked in, and before I shut the door, I glanced back at Alex one more time. He pulled out and drove off. It’s just me and Jack in the house.
I remembered the feel of the house. It felt similarly the last time I was here. At least the time that I didn’t pack my shit up. “Jack?” I called out.
I heard a groan from the living room, and went to investigate. Jack was lying on the couch, and an empty whiskey bottle was next to his hand. “Jack?” I asked again.
He looked up at me with lazy eyes, and I figured that he was still drunk from the previous night. “Who’re you?” he barely managed to get out of his mouth.
It was good that he doesn’t recognize me. Maybe it’d give me enough time to sort this shit all out. “Come on, Jack, we gotta get you up.” He didn’t protest, mostly because he was drunk out of his fucking mind. It’ll all make sense soon, I told myself. I wrapped his arm around me and half carried him to the shower. I knew that he was going to need to get cleaned up. I sat him on the floor while I ran the water. “Jack, clothes off.”
He didn’t protest, and took off all his clothes. He was really out of it. He was probably also super tired. After the water was warm enough, I helped him get into the tub. I grabbed a sponge to wash him up. It felt weird to not feel anything while the man I still loved sat before me completely naked. I guess since he wasn’t himself it didn’t really matter too much.
After I washed him up, I grabbed him a towel and put it around him. He was able to walk a little better, but his head was still gone. I knew that naps always helped him, and got him to his bed to sleep. After helping with his clothes, I got him in the bed to lie down.
“Why’re you being so nice to me?” he slurred, yawning as well.
I knew he wouldn’t remember what I said. So I told him the truth. “Because I love you.”
“I love you too.” His eyes drifted closed, and I sat on the chair in his room to rest. This was a very exhausting day, and it wasn’t even dinner time.
I seemed to have drifted off to sleep, because the next thing I remember is Jack gently shaking me awake. “Y/N.” I snapped my eyes open. I haven’t heard him say that in two years. “What are you doing here.”
“Alex invited me over. He told me we needed to talk.”
“I don’t need to talk, I’m perfectly fine by myself, thanks.”
“Oh yeah because being so fucking drunk in the middle of the day is completely fine. Totally. You didn’t need me here at all.”
“Whatever, I don’t need you here to babysit me.”
What the fuck was his problem? “If I recall correctly, you were the one to fuck me over, so I don’t know why the fuck you are so goddamn mad at me.”
“You don’t need to know.” He turned away from me to go down the stairs, but I grabbed his wrist, he wasn’t getting away that easily.
“I don’t have to be here, you know. The only reason I’m here is because Alex is worried about you. I could give zero fucks about you. Total.” It was a lie, but the less he knew the better.
“Then why the fuck are you here?” He snapped.
“Because your best friend asked me to! God there are other people in this world than you!”
He didn’t respond for a while. “I know,” he mumbled.
“So why are you acting like such a dick?” He sighed to himself and sat down on the bed to collect himself.
“I guess seeing you here so abruptly scared me.”
I sat down next to him. My hand went up to his shoulder instinctively, but I pulled it away. We’re not like that anymore. “What’s up, Jack. Why’re you doing this to yourself.”
“What does it matter to you?”
“It always matters to me. It always has and it always will, whether you like it or not.”
“Because I fucking hate myself, okay? You happy now?” His voice started to raise. “Because I cheated on the girl I loved thinking I loved someone else, and it was the worst mistake I’ve ever made. Because of that mistake someone died. Essentially I killed her.”
“Jack, you didn’t kill her. It was her fault for running out on the road like that and stopping in the middle of it. It’s not your fault.”
“If I didn’t cheat on you, none of this would ever have happened. I’d still have you.”
“You don’t love me anymore.” I said it more for myself than I did for him. I can’t let him hurt me like that again.
“Yes I do.”
“No you don’t.”
“Then tell me, Y/N, why do I constantly think about you wherever I am, and the only way to silence the screaming thoughts is to drink them away? Why can’t I sleep without seeing your face every time I close my eyes? Why can’t I ever seem to stop wanting you or needing you near? Huh? Tell me that.”
“Because you don’t have Cara anymore. You loved her, not me. I’m second choice. I’m not her.”
“That’s not fucking why!” He took a deep breath, and then he finally looked at me after a really long time. I almost crumbled under his stare, it was so intense. “She was my second choice to you. I just got confused. I don’t love her, I didn’t love her. I love you. I’ll always love you. Whether you love me back or not.”
“Do you know how much it fucking killed me to hear you say that you loved her. Now I find out two years later that you love me instead? What would have happened if she was alive right now? Would you say the same thing? Or would I be left in the dust.”
“I’d leave her for you. I love you. I swear I do.”
I can’t believe him. For my sake, I can’t believe him. “I love you too,” my mouth said instead. Fuck.
His eyes snapped up to mine. “You do?”
“I guess so. I don’t want to. But yeah, I love you.”
He sighed, and looked at his feet. “So now what?” he asked me.
“I guess we try to figure it out from here. We could try going back to friends again. Nothing more. Not until we get this figured out.”
He nodded his head, and sighed again. “I could live with that.” His gaze met mine after a while, and licked his lips nervously. “Would it be asking too much if I asked you for a hug?”
“No, I guess not.” He leaned in for a hug, and wrapped his long arms around my body. I found myself hugging back, and even squeezing tight around his body. I inhaled his scent and I smiled. Just a little smile. But it was enough to prove to myself that I was going to be okay. For the first time in two years, I genuinely smiled.
Despite telling Jack that we’d still be friends, I haven’t spoken to him in like two years. The pain of my boyfriend sleeping with my best friend behind my back lingered for a long time. Whenever I saw his band on TV or heard about them anywhere, a pain in my chest would become apparent. It wasn’t very fun at all.
After Cara’s funeral, I didn’t want to associate with Jack. I couldn’t. How could I be friends with someone who betrayed my most intimate trust? I couldn’t. I won’t.
I told myself this every day, and yet every day I kept imagining circumstances where we’d casually run into each other and catch up. Maybe he’d fall in love with me all over again. Maybe he’d stay in love with me. But that was highly unlikely.
He broke my heart but after two years I still craved him near me. The likeliness of me running into him in Baltimore were pretty slim. I mean I know he lives here and all, but All Time Low is constantly touring around the world. Baltimore is a big city afterall.
I still had trouble being sad that Cara died. She was my best friend, yeah, but she went behind my back to fuck my boyfriend and expected it not to end badly. No matter how much fun we had together, nothing could patch up the wound she carved in a span of five minutes.
I was having lunch at a cafe around two in the afternoon because I was reminded of Jack in my little apartment. We’d spent so much time together in there, and his memory wouldn’t leave me. I didn’t want to move, mostly because his memory was there. I like to think that sometimes we were still together. I moved in with him but after the incident, I went back to my shitty little apartment. And I either can’t stand it or I love it because it reminds me of him.
I was staring at my little 12 ounce latte in my hand, thinking about nothing when someone sits in front of me. No one ever approached me anywhere and my heart made a little leap making me think for a brief second that it was Jack. I knew what he looked like, sometimes I’d stalk his twitter or instagram. I never favorited anything though.
When I looked up, I was disappointed to find brown hair instead of black and blonde. I looked at the face and Jack’s best friend, Alex, was sitting in front of me. I guess they were back from Europe now. I hadn’t checked Twitter in a while.
He looked tired. Light bags were resting under his eyes, his hair was tousled, and his eyes were droopy. I guess it was a long tour. I hadn’t ever really talked to Alex very much, Jack didn’t really involve me in his music life much. Clue number one that he’d fall out of love with me.
“Yeah?” I addressed him.
“Y/N, we got to talk,” he says, leaning closer to me on his elbows.
“Alright, I’m listening.”
“Look, Jack hasn’t been the same since the whole incident happened. He doesn’t feel right about the whole thing. I know what happened, I know what he did to you, but he’s falling apart. He won’t eat, he won’t sleep, all he’ll do is drink. And when he does sleep, he wakes shortly after because of nightmares.”
“He’s probably having nightmares because he saw Cara die in front of him. You know, the one he actually loved.”
“I’ve been talking to him, and he says it’s not even about Cara anymore. Now his nightmares are plagued with you going under the bus instead. He knows he’s fucked up, and he wants you back. You have absolutely no obligation to take him back, but that’s what he’s telling me.”
“Why hasn’t he told me this himself?”
“He doesn’t think he deserves you.”
I scoffed. Of course he doesn’t deserve me, he lied to me. He broke my heart. I can’t take him back, that’s just committing suicide. Then again, I didn’t deserve him either. Do I go to him? Do I not? What the fuck do I do. “What do you want me to do, Alex?”
“At least come back with me to talk to him. He’s at his place right now.” I winced. That’s where the incident happened. “You don’t have to, I’m just thinking it’ll help. He hasn’t been the same, Y/N, and from what I can tell, you haven’t been either.”
I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. “Alright, I guess it can’t hurt to talk to him at least.”
Alex gave me a half smile, too tired to fully commit to the gesture, and stood up. I followed him out with my coffee. I decided I’d just go with him instead of taking my car. My car would stay here, but oh well. I’ll get it later.
The ride to Jack’s was silent. He glanced over at me to make sure I was still there and wasn’t going to bail out anytime soon. I stared straight ahead, too afraid to show any emotion. Alex pulled into Jack’s driveway after what seemed like forever and stopped for me to get out. I carefully opened the door, and went up to the front door.
I glanced back at Alex. He gave me a nod, and I just opened the door, figuring Jack wouldn’t be up anytime soon. I walked in, and before I shut the door, I glanced back at Alex one more time. He pulled out and drove off. It’s just me and Jack in the house.
I remembered the feel of the house. It felt similarly the last time I was here. At least the time that I didn’t pack my shit up. “Jack?” I called out.
I heard a groan from the living room, and went to investigate. Jack was lying on the couch, and an empty whiskey bottle was next to his hand. “Jack?” I asked again.
He looked up at me with lazy eyes, and I figured that he was still drunk from the previous night. “Who’re you?” he barely managed to get out of his mouth.
It was good that he doesn’t recognize me. Maybe it’d give me enough time to sort this shit all out. “Come on, Jack, we gotta get you up.” He didn’t protest, mostly because he was drunk out of his fucking mind. It’ll all make sense soon, I told myself. I wrapped his arm around me and half carried him to the shower. I knew that he was going to need to get cleaned up. I sat him on the floor while I ran the water. “Jack, clothes off.”
He didn’t protest, and took off all his clothes. He was really out of it. He was probably also super tired. After the water was warm enough, I helped him get into the tub. I grabbed a sponge to wash him up. It felt weird to not feel anything while the man I still loved sat before me completely naked. I guess since he wasn’t himself it didn’t really matter too much.
After I washed him up, I grabbed him a towel and put it around him. He was able to walk a little better, but his head was still gone. I knew that naps always helped him, and got him to his bed to sleep. After helping with his clothes, I got him in the bed to lie down.
“Why’re you being so nice to me?” he slurred, yawning as well.
I knew he wouldn’t remember what I said. So I told him the truth. “Because I love you.”
“I love you too.” His eyes drifted closed, and I sat on the chair in his room to rest. This was a very exhausting day, and it wasn’t even dinner time.
I seemed to have drifted off to sleep, because the next thing I remember is Jack gently shaking me awake. “Y/N.” I snapped my eyes open. I haven’t heard him say that in two years. “What are you doing here.”
“Alex invited me over. He told me we needed to talk.”
“I don’t need to talk, I’m perfectly fine by myself, thanks.”
“Oh yeah because being so fucking drunk in the middle of the day is completely fine. Totally. You didn’t need me here at all.”
“Whatever, I don’t need you here to babysit me.”
What the fuck was his problem? “If I recall correctly, you were the one to fuck me over, so I don’t know why the fuck you are so goddamn mad at me.”
“You don’t need to know.” He turned away from me to go down the stairs, but I grabbed his wrist, he wasn’t getting away that easily.
“I don’t have to be here, you know. The only reason I’m here is because Alex is worried about you. I could give zero fucks about you. Total.” It was a lie, but the less he knew the better.
“Then why the fuck are you here?” He snapped.
“Because your best friend asked me to! God there are other people in this world than you!”
He didn’t respond for a while. “I know,” he mumbled.
“So why are you acting like such a dick?” He sighed to himself and sat down on the bed to collect himself.
“I guess seeing you here so abruptly scared me.”
I sat down next to him. My hand went up to his shoulder instinctively, but I pulled it away. We’re not like that anymore. “What’s up, Jack. Why’re you doing this to yourself.”
“What does it matter to you?”
“It always matters to me. It always has and it always will, whether you like it or not.”
“Because I fucking hate myself, okay? You happy now?” His voice started to raise. “Because I cheated on the girl I loved thinking I loved someone else, and it was the worst mistake I’ve ever made. Because of that mistake someone died. Essentially I killed her.”
“Jack, you didn’t kill her. It was her fault for running out on the road like that and stopping in the middle of it. It’s not your fault.”
“If I didn’t cheat on you, none of this would ever have happened. I’d still have you.”
“You don’t love me anymore.” I said it more for myself than I did for him. I can’t let him hurt me like that again.
“Yes I do.”
“No you don’t.”
“Then tell me, Y/N, why do I constantly think about you wherever I am, and the only way to silence the screaming thoughts is to drink them away? Why can’t I sleep without seeing your face every time I close my eyes? Why can’t I ever seem to stop wanting you or needing you near? Huh? Tell me that.”
“Because you don’t have Cara anymore. You loved her, not me. I’m second choice. I’m not her.”
“That’s not fucking why!” He took a deep breath, and then he finally looked at me after a really long time. I almost crumbled under his stare, it was so intense. “She was my second choice to you. I just got confused. I don’t love her, I didn’t love her. I love you. I’ll always love you. Whether you love me back or not.”
“Do you know how much it fucking killed me to hear you say that you loved her. Now I find out two years later that you love me instead? What would have happened if she was alive right now? Would you say the same thing? Or would I be left in the dust.”
“I’d leave her for you. I love you. I swear I do.”
I can’t believe him. For my sake, I can’t believe him. “I love you too,” my mouth said instead. Fuck.
His eyes snapped up to mine. “You do?”
“I guess so. I don’t want to. But yeah, I love you.”
He sighed, and looked at his feet. “So now what?” he asked me.
“I guess we try to figure it out from here. We could try going back to friends again. Nothing more. Not until we get this figured out.”
He nodded his head, and sighed again. “I could live with that.” His gaze met mine after a while, and licked his lips nervously. “Would it be asking too much if I asked you for a hug?”
“No, I guess not.” He leaned in for a hug, and wrapped his long arms around my body. I found myself hugging back, and even squeezing tight around his body. I inhaled his scent and I smiled. Just a little smile. But it was enough to prove to myself that I was going to be okay. For the first time in two years, I genuinely smiled.
@SecretsDontMakeFriends
RIGHT SOMEONE POINTED THAT OUT ON MY WATTPAD VERSION AND I WAS LIKE ???? how did i do that I'm magical
9/19/16