Long Live the Reckless and the Brave

Spending time with my friends always made me feel normal. They don't see me as the smart girl or the drummer, they see me as Aubree Dawson, the goofball who always smiles. When I'm with my friends, I can match Jack's energy because I have just as much to offer. I can gossip with Stella because we share the same female interests. Tom and I are in a very happy relationship, one that makes me feel at ease and constantly protected. Even Nate and I get along pretty well, because no one ever notices the battle we're actually fighting. I've learned over the years, growing up with the same people, that family is really defined by those you claim as your own. These four are my family, my heart and soul, and I wouldn't trade them for anything.

I enjoy being over at the Gaskarth's, too. Mrs. Gaskarth always makes time to ask me about my mother and pride me on my work at school. Mr. Gaskarth usually keeps his distance, but when he does speak, it's always something worth listening to. They let us come in and use their house as if it were their own, not to mention the good food they always place on the table so we can fill up our bellies. I feel more at home here than I do at my own place, but that's not to be mistaken that I don't like being home or that I don't love my family. I do. I just wish we were a little more connected.

It was getting late and we had school again tomorrow. For the most part, since Stella was now able to write again, we spent the evening going over her lyrics while Jack and Tom tried to figure out a beat for them on the guitar. When the task was thrown my way, I'd have to find the perfect beat to pull the entire song together. That gets really hard on me sometimes. I think Tom is the only person who realizes just how much work it takes to keep beat and keep the entire band together when we play. If I were to mess up, even one tiny mistake, everyone else would be lost, too.

"I need to get going. Promised dad I'd watch a movie with him and mom tonight," Nate stood up, waving off his friends. "You want me to walk you, Aub?"

"Uh, yeah," I grinned, leaning over to pull Tom into a big kiss. "See you guys."

I always loved being alone with Nate. Sometimes he would break down the wall he has around himself and let me in a little. I felt bad because no one else really paid him much mind, but I was different, I understood.

"You want to maybe come over tomorrow after school and have a session?"

By this, Nate meant he wanted me to come over and play with him for his mother. She'd always taken a liking to me, and I think that has something to do with the fact that our dad's grew as close over the years as Tom and Jack's. Even though Nate played bass, he could play any song perfectly, and even though I was only the drummer in our band, I had my mother's voice. I never mentioned it to anyone else in the band that I could help Stella with vocals, because her drive is much stronger than my own and her voice ranges further than mine, but I liked to sing with Nate. I loved to see his mother happy when I sang her favorite songs.

"That sounds great. Let me just clear it with Tom."

"Sweet," Nate nodded, looking ahead of us. "How are you studies going?"

"So hard," I sighed, shaking my head. "I don't think anyone realizes how much stress I'm under. I know I'm smart and all, but skipping a grade can be hard. I'm trying to manage spending time with both of my parents before they leave for tour, play for the band, keep up with my friendships and my bofyriend, while I maintain the imagine of the Dawson Princess. Do you know that because I started taking Advanced Math and English, I now have to wake up at five-thirty to shower and get ready for school? Not to mention, they want me to add extra courses on the weekends because my scores are so high."

"Why not just tell them no?" Nate was always so simple, I loved that about him. "I mean, you don't have to do anything you don't want to, Aub."

"My dad is really proud of me, though. He wants me to get a scholarship so I can study music and get a degree when I graduate."

"But what about the band?"

"I haven't told anyone else this, but when this year ends they're going to make me skip another grade. I'll be a Juinor next year but I'll be taking my advanced classes with the Senior class. They think if I do good next year, I can graduate early."

"You wouldn't think being so smart would be so complicated." Nate laughed lightly. "When are you going to tell everyone?"

"I don't know. I'm honestly hoping I master next year so I can start college. That will leave you with three years, Tom and Stella with two years and Jack with one, right? Our dad's won't let us tour until we graduate anyway, so if I can go ahead and knock out two years of college, I can finish up online while we tour."



It was true, we couldn't tour until we were of legal age or until our dad's agreed. I think Nate's dad may let him leave school early to tour, just because it would be Nate's only shot of real freedom from this place.

"Aubree, I think you're taking on more than you can handle," Nate frowned. "I know how hard it is for no one to see your struggle and for you not to feel like a kid anymore, sometimes the easiest thing you can do is get away, but you need to enjoy your freedom while it's there."

"What freedom?" I eyed him, feeling sad when my house came into view. I didn't want to stop venting, not yet. "When I'm not with you guys or at band practice, I'm up to my ass in school work, and I ususally have Alice when I'm doing school work, too."

"They still make you babysit all the time?"

"Well, mom's latest was a big hit so she's got all these dinners and awards and shit to go to. It's easier to leave her with me than anyone else."

"She's like.. Ten, though, how hard can that be?"

"About as hard as caring for your mother. She requires a lot of attention, Nate."

"Yeah, I guess. Anyway, you're home safe now. I should get back."

"Nate, wait!" I grabbed him by the arm, my free hand digging around in my purse. I pulled out a card and a new pack of strings. "Happy birthday."

The smile on his face melted my heart. I wish I could have planned a party for him, but everyone has been so worried about Stella and her injuries I never got to mention it. At least now that she was healing, I could work on making Tom and Nate a little closer so we could all share a deep friendship.

"Thanks, Aubree," he leaned in and kissed my cheek. "Other than dad, you're the only one who remembered."

"What about the redhead you told me about?" I winked with a giggle. "Give her a call, it's your birthday!"

"I might just do that."

Nate was reading his card as he walked away, which made me smile even brighter. That's how I've always been: I would break my back to make sure the people around me were happy, which is exactly why I had so much on my plate to deal with. But I was Aubree Dawson, I could deal with things on my own and get through them if I used my brain. At least, that's what everyone thought.

Notes