Long Live the Reckless and the Brave

"She hasn't spoken to you for two days," Juli reminded me as I helped her sat the table. Tonight was taco night, so we were having the Barakat's over for dinner. Stella was, still, technially grounded, but that didn't mean I didn't want to enjoy my time at home. "I really think you went too far, babe."

"I only went as far as she did," I reminded my wife, sticking my tongue out at Noelle who was, in return, making funny faces at me. "Besides, she doesn't see it yet, but she learned a lot of valuable lessons on Sunday. One day she'll understand, Jules. Her inner Gaskarth will take hold and a lightbulb will turn on above her head."

"I trust you, Alex," Juli's eyes were gleaming under the light. "Please don't make me regret that."

"I won't, baby. I just don't want her to end up like me when I was her age. I had all my entire band backing me, which is the one thing she doesn't. Flying solo on things like drinking or partying can make them end a lot worse. I did a lot of stupid things, Jules, and I mean a lot."

"Yes, I'm aware of this, Alex."

No, she wasn't as aware as she thought she'd been. Juli never knew me or who I was before. There was a point in my life where my friends made me drink non-alcoholic beer, just because I needed the familiar taste on my tongue. I made dozens of girls cry, because I would use them for one night of fun and then toss them aside. My drinking and my stupidity led me to a life of failed relationships, until she came along. She saved me, and the only thing that gave me hope that Stella was going to behave when I left was little Jack. He was sent here to save her, I just knew it.

"I'm afraid when you leave, she's only going to get worse," Juli frowned, putting the food on the bar so that everyone could make a plate and sit down. "She knows I would never do anything to her like you did."

"That's what makes you such a wonderful mother," I smirked, kissinger her cheek sloppily, just like I always used to do. "She won't, I hope. Make her set up study dates with little Jack while I'm gone. That should do the trick. But, because she's still grounded, only let them do it in the kitchen while you're cooking. Then send him on his way."

"Jasmin has been talking to me," Juli replied, not even looking up from the tomatoes she was chopping. "She says that you've seemed to take baby Jack under your wing. What am I missing here, Alex?"

"Nothing, dear," I chuckled. "He's just a good kid and he's close out our kids, that's all."

"If you say so..."

That was the end of that. The Barakat's had allowed themselves to enter the house, as they always did, and joined us in the kitchen. Jasmin instantly went to Juli with girl talk, Jack sat himself down at the table and waited like a small child for food, while little Jack delcared he was going to see Tom. After a short time, the kids were called down for dinner. Liam was the first to arrive. As like most nights when we have company, the younger kids sit at a small table that Jules would bring out for them. Jules insisted that Noelle was too young to have the spices in the taco meat, and Liam didn't like them, so she placed a slice of pizza in front of each child. They thanked her and jumped right into their food. Next, Tom and Jake arrived in the kitchen. The adults stood out of the way so they could make a plate, which they did, and sat down beside each other. Big Jack, however, refused to wait on Stella to come downstairs, so he also made a plate and joined the kids.

"Stella," Juli yelled through the house. "I said it's dinner time!"

A minute later, Stella appeared in the doorway. Her big, brown eyes still held so much sadness, but I knew that's only because I was in the room. I shook my head and watched my daughter prepare a small meal, then sit down across from her brother. Jasmin went next, then Juli and myself. We mostly ate in silence, except for Tom and Jack's random rambling. They tried to include Stella in their conversation, but she declined, and not very nicely. Growing more frustrated with my daughter by the minute, I realized the best thing I could do was leave the table before I said some things I really didn't mean. Big Jack followed me out onto the back porch.

"Been playing?" He asked, looking at my guitar.

"Yeah, but nothing feels right at the moment."

"Come on," Jack grabbed my guitar and began to stum it. "I'll play, you sing. Always makes you feel better."

I nodded. Jack was correct, it did always make me feel better.

"I painted a picture of the things I wanted most, to color in the darker side of all my brightest hopes. But there's a monster standing where you should be, so I'll paint you wings, and I'll set you free.. You can fly away..."

I had been so caught up in my singing, I didn't realize there were three teenagers standing at the door, watching us create the music we used to love. Jack sat the guitar down and stared at his son with a soft smile on his face. Little Jack had gone through a phase much like Stella's, but he realize very quickly that if he wanted to achieve his dreams, he'd have to work for them. Why couldn't she realize that?

"I've always loved that song," Tom sighed, stepping further out on the porch. "But I always wanted to know, dad, who were you singing about?"

"Someone..." I thought about it for a moment, slightly indifferent to his question. "Someone I loved, who slowly kept turning into someone that I didn't know. I fought hard for this person, only to realize she wasn't meant to be saved anymore. She wanted her freedom, so I let her go."

"Wow, dad," Tom frowned. "That's deep. It wasn't about mom, was it?"

"No, son," I smiled faintly. "The most malicious thing your mother ever did was attack big Jack over some cereal when she was pregnant. Think of the song as life," I shrugged, standing up and stretching out my back. Stella was still lingering in the doorway, looking a little sad. My eyes locked on hers, but what scared me is how much I felt like I was looking in a mirror. "You can only push people so far away before they don't come back. I'm off to bed now. Gotta meet Matt tomorrow to hash out some last minute tour plans."

"Oh shit," Jack mumbled behind me. "I forgot about that."

"Don't worry," I smiled. "I already made your checklist for tour."

"This is why you're still going to be my best friend when we're a hundred in a nursing home."

I chuckled, bidding him farewell as I walked right past Stella and into the house. The silent treatment went both ways. I'd speak to her when she realized that she was the child and I was the adult... Though it killed me to not tuck her in at night.

Notes