“LEAVE ME ALONE! GET OUT OF MY HEAD,” Nyssa screamed. I was on the brink of losing it, all of the days of holding myself together, and what was happening before was about to throw it all away.
I wanted to cry. I was supposed to help her keep her voice in the darkness of her own mind. But with what Holly started, Nyssa slipped and the voice screamed like a banshee, the voice became impossible to ignore.
“LEAVE! MY! HEAD,” Nyssa screamed at the top of her lungs before going completely silent. I wanted to fall to my knees and cry with Jack. I was terrified of what was happening to my best friend. I didn’t want to lose her. I was slipping further down into an attack.
“Nyssa! Nyssa! No, Nyssa, please wake up,” I cried softly, trying to wake her as best as I could. I could feel myself falling to the ground, but I felt Alex catch me.
“Bonnie,” Alex shouted, concerned I was going to break. He threw one of my arms over his shoulder and ran me to the back lounge, away from Nyssa, sitting me on the couch.
“Alex, they’re here,” I cried. My monsters came roaring to life again.
“Bonnie, I am right here. Focus on me babe,” Alex took hold of my hands.
“My monsters are here. They’re yelling at me. Make them stop, please,” I begged, my tears flowing like waterfalls down my cheeks.
“What are they telling you, Bonnie,” Alex took hold of my cheeks, holding my eyes in his caring gaze.
“That it’s my fault all of this is happening. I didn’t protect Nyssa. I didn’t support her through this. I never told her that my monsters never left when she helped me through my break up with Jason. Oh Alex, I am so scared right now. I can’t hold on anymore. I’m shattering like glass,” I sobbed heavily.
“I’m not letting you break, Bonnie. I’m not letting your monsters win. Nyssa is going to be fine. Jack is going to save her, like I’m going to save you. I want you to ignore your monsters,” Alex coached on how to get out of this limbo moment between the brink and my dark corners.
“I can’t, they’re too strong, Alex,” I cried.
“Focus on me. Focus on everything you love about me. Think about our baby,” Alex place a hand on my stomach, “Think about becoming a mom for the first time. Think about how happy we’ll be together as a family. Think about how happy we’ll be when we get settled into my house in Baltimore. Think about how you and Nyssa are going to work together to run the street team for us. Just think of my rescuing you from Jason. Think of me rescuing you from your monsters.”
In that moment, I felt something break in my mind. My focus had never been more clear than when I thought about everything Alex told me to. Our baby, our new life, my new job with Nyssa, meeting Alex, falling in love with him, helping Nyssa fall in love with Jack; all of these things were the guardians in my mind that sprang to life, slaying my monsters.
♪Alex♪
Bonnie stopped crying, she stopped shaking, she stopped doing anything but breathe. Her eyes were glazed over from her tears and she sat in front of me, my hands holding her cheeks so she looked at me as I spoke to her. Bonnie was still, almost lifeless. But then she started blinking, her focus returning from her mind.
“Bonnie,” I asked for her attention, seeing if she was back with me.
“They’re gone,” she breathed shakily.
“Your monsters,” I asked.
“They’re gone. Everything you made me think about, they caused a shift and my monsters are gone. Every fear I’ve had, ever since I was in middle school, just vanished. Like monster slaying entities came into my mind and killed every single fear I had,” she explained.
“Bonnie, does this mean,” I trailed off, trying to think.
“I don’t think my anxiety is going to act up for a long time,” she smiled warmly at me.
“You mean, I helped you finally slay the monsters,” I asked, excitement in my voice.
“Yes, Alex I’m free,” Bonnie started to cry, her smile still on her face. I stood up and pulled Bonnie into my arms, holding onto her tightly.
“I’m so happy right now, Bonnie. I am so proud of you,” I whispered to her, my voice cracking as tears fell down my cheeks.
“I love you so much Alex,” Bonnie cried happily.
“I love you too, Bonnie. So fucking much,” I smiled wide at her before kissing her deeply.
“Now let’s go help Jack get Nyssa back. I want to save my best friend alongside her boyfriend. That way I can tell her my monsters are gone,” Bonnie beamed brightly as she took hold of my hand. I took the lead, following Jack as he carried Nyssa into the hospital.
Bonnie, Jack, myself, and the others waited together in the waiting room. All of us keeping our thoughts on Nyssa, hoping for her to come out of this entire ordeal in one piece; Bonnie could lose it if she falls.
I know I would crash deep into my swirling abyss of inner demons if Nyssa doesn’t make it through this with her mind intact. She’d cause a chain reaction of Bonnie snapping with me following shortly after. But I know Nyssa is strong. She has Jack, the lanky kid that loves her; he best friend that’s like her sister; her four crazy Mexican brothers that would do anything to help her; and of course the rest of our tour family here to support her every step of the way.