Give Me A Sign
Two
♪Alex♪
Bonnie broke apart in our bunk. No matter how hard I tried to calm her down, her anxiety got her and ensnared her in her fears. When Nyssa came to the back where I was hiding Bonnie while she had her attack quietly in the confines of my bunk, everything escaladed.
“Alex let me see her,” Nyssa demanded of me.
“No,” I mumbled, trying to keep my voice down to keep Bonnie from freaking out. I wasn’t going to let her go. She needed me and I needed her.
Jack tried to get Nyssa away from us, but he failed and collapsed next to Nyssa. I listened as I rubbed Bonnie’s back as Nyssa spilled out how Bonnie was everything for her. Her best friend, her rock, her reason for still being alive and being with Jack since it was Bonnie’s idea to come see us. I watched as Jack went to talk to Matt about getting us to make a stop to get Bonnie the help she needed. Bonnie wasn’t going to make it and I was terrified of what was going to happen to her. I couldn’t afford to lose her.
All of us, including the other bands, were gathered in the waiting room of the hospital. I wasn’t allowed back with Bonnie as she was admitted to the psyche ward of the hospital to be sedated and given a stronger anxiety medication and a new prescription for Adderall. They were going to drug her up and change her. They were going to deem her as crazy when she was just so scared her mind was fracturing. She was like a porcelain doll now. So fragile and was about to go off like a ticking time-bomb. The girl I love with all of my heart was crumbling and I was helpless in trying to hold her together.
“Those here for Bonnie Howell,” a nurse called and we all rose.
“How is she,” I asked.
“She is asleep. We had to sedate her to get her calm down. Her attack was too overwhelming for us to try coaxing her out. She can leave in an hour with you, and we have a supply of her new medications that will help her recover. It appeared that her previous attacks that you told our lead doctor never stopped happening. They instead would silence themselves and then flare up and got worse each time. If she had gone through one more attack, Miss Howell would have lost all sense of her identity and would have to be institutionalized for her to recover properly. We got lucky and caught her early enough to stop it from happening,” the nurse explained.
“Can I go see her,” I asked. I promised Bonnie I was going to be at her side and I meant it.
“She is asleep, but you may. I ask only one person at a time see her,” the nurse informed us.
“Go see her, Alex,” Vic encouraged.
“Send Bonnie our love,” Josh added.
“Tell her we hope she’ll get better soon so Nyssa has her best friend back,” Jack added as he held Nyssa tightly.
“Thanks guys,” I smiled weakly and went with the nurse to Bonnie’s room.
When I entered that overly white room, Bonnie looked foreign to me. She looked too pale. She looked to fragile. She looked too unnatural. She looked like the shell of the beautiful girl I fell in love with. I knew she was still in that head of hers, but the monsters dragged her back and I was scared that when she came back, everything would change.
“Bonnie, I’m here babe. I’m right here. I want you to fight for me. I can’t live without you here in one piece. I love you so much. I love you so much it hurts. Everything you’ve been going through is breaking my heart. I hope that once your new meds start working in your system, we can start talking about everything and clearing out your dark corners in your mind and clear out your monsters. I want you to be better. I want to see you have a genuine smile on your beautiful face. I want to see pure light inn your hazel eyes again. I want the real Bonnie back. The Bonnie you’ve been was a mask. I want the real you, babe,” I fought really hard to not cry as I held her small, cold, limp hand in my rough warm ones.
Bonnie finally woke up and was discharged from the hospital to go back on the road with us. I carried Bonnie in my arms as we loaded up onto the bus. Jack and Nyssa stayed close to me, since they were both trying to help me help Bonnie.
“Guys, please relax and let me and Bonnie go to bed. She’s been through a lot and we both need out rest. You can see her in the morning,” I groaned since they were hovering over me and Bonnie like mother hens.
“We want to make sure she’ll be okay,” Nyssa piped up.
“I need sleep Nyssa. Let me rest. We can try to have girl time tomorrow,” Bonnie replied drowsily. The sedatives still affected her, making her barely able to keep her eyes open, which were glazed over in her drug induced stupor.
“Fine, sleep good Bonnie. I’ll see you tomorrow morning,” Nyssa squeezed Bonnie’s hand before leaving for her bunk.
“Look after her Alex, Bonnie needs you now more than ever. She needs all of us to help hold her together,” Jack put a reassuring hand on my shoulder.
“Thanks Jack. I’ll see you and Nyssa in the morning,” I thanked him before I whispered to him, “Tell Nyssa that I want her help in the morning to make Bonnie’s favorite breakfast; to help her heal.”
“Sure thing, see you in the morning Alex,” Jack parted as he joined Nyssa in her bunk for the night.
Bonnie, please pull through this. I’m scared for you and my own sanity. I can’t stand to see you in so much pain.
Bonnie broke apart in our bunk. No matter how hard I tried to calm her down, her anxiety got her and ensnared her in her fears. When Nyssa came to the back where I was hiding Bonnie while she had her attack quietly in the confines of my bunk, everything escaladed.
“Alex let me see her,” Nyssa demanded of me.
“No,” I mumbled, trying to keep my voice down to keep Bonnie from freaking out. I wasn’t going to let her go. She needed me and I needed her.
Jack tried to get Nyssa away from us, but he failed and collapsed next to Nyssa. I listened as I rubbed Bonnie’s back as Nyssa spilled out how Bonnie was everything for her. Her best friend, her rock, her reason for still being alive and being with Jack since it was Bonnie’s idea to come see us. I watched as Jack went to talk to Matt about getting us to make a stop to get Bonnie the help she needed. Bonnie wasn’t going to make it and I was terrified of what was going to happen to her. I couldn’t afford to lose her.
All of us, including the other bands, were gathered in the waiting room of the hospital. I wasn’t allowed back with Bonnie as she was admitted to the psyche ward of the hospital to be sedated and given a stronger anxiety medication and a new prescription for Adderall. They were going to drug her up and change her. They were going to deem her as crazy when she was just so scared her mind was fracturing. She was like a porcelain doll now. So fragile and was about to go off like a ticking time-bomb. The girl I love with all of my heart was crumbling and I was helpless in trying to hold her together.
“Those here for Bonnie Howell,” a nurse called and we all rose.
“How is she,” I asked.
“She is asleep. We had to sedate her to get her calm down. Her attack was too overwhelming for us to try coaxing her out. She can leave in an hour with you, and we have a supply of her new medications that will help her recover. It appeared that her previous attacks that you told our lead doctor never stopped happening. They instead would silence themselves and then flare up and got worse each time. If she had gone through one more attack, Miss Howell would have lost all sense of her identity and would have to be institutionalized for her to recover properly. We got lucky and caught her early enough to stop it from happening,” the nurse explained.
“Can I go see her,” I asked. I promised Bonnie I was going to be at her side and I meant it.
“She is asleep, but you may. I ask only one person at a time see her,” the nurse informed us.
“Go see her, Alex,” Vic encouraged.
“Send Bonnie our love,” Josh added.
“Tell her we hope she’ll get better soon so Nyssa has her best friend back,” Jack added as he held Nyssa tightly.
“Thanks guys,” I smiled weakly and went with the nurse to Bonnie’s room.
When I entered that overly white room, Bonnie looked foreign to me. She looked too pale. She looked to fragile. She looked too unnatural. She looked like the shell of the beautiful girl I fell in love with. I knew she was still in that head of hers, but the monsters dragged her back and I was scared that when she came back, everything would change.
“Bonnie, I’m here babe. I’m right here. I want you to fight for me. I can’t live without you here in one piece. I love you so much. I love you so much it hurts. Everything you’ve been going through is breaking my heart. I hope that once your new meds start working in your system, we can start talking about everything and clearing out your dark corners in your mind and clear out your monsters. I want you to be better. I want to see you have a genuine smile on your beautiful face. I want to see pure light inn your hazel eyes again. I want the real Bonnie back. The Bonnie you’ve been was a mask. I want the real you, babe,” I fought really hard to not cry as I held her small, cold, limp hand in my rough warm ones.
Bonnie finally woke up and was discharged from the hospital to go back on the road with us. I carried Bonnie in my arms as we loaded up onto the bus. Jack and Nyssa stayed close to me, since they were both trying to help me help Bonnie.
“Guys, please relax and let me and Bonnie go to bed. She’s been through a lot and we both need out rest. You can see her in the morning,” I groaned since they were hovering over me and Bonnie like mother hens.
“We want to make sure she’ll be okay,” Nyssa piped up.
“I need sleep Nyssa. Let me rest. We can try to have girl time tomorrow,” Bonnie replied drowsily. The sedatives still affected her, making her barely able to keep her eyes open, which were glazed over in her drug induced stupor.
“Fine, sleep good Bonnie. I’ll see you tomorrow morning,” Nyssa squeezed Bonnie’s hand before leaving for her bunk.
“Look after her Alex, Bonnie needs you now more than ever. She needs all of us to help hold her together,” Jack put a reassuring hand on my shoulder.
“Thanks Jack. I’ll see you and Nyssa in the morning,” I thanked him before I whispered to him, “Tell Nyssa that I want her help in the morning to make Bonnie’s favorite breakfast; to help her heal.”
“Sure thing, see you in the morning Alex,” Jack parted as he joined Nyssa in her bunk for the night.
Bonnie, please pull through this. I’m scared for you and my own sanity. I can’t stand to see you in so much pain.
7/1/13