“Bonnie where are we going,” Nyssa asked as I took off with her. I wanted to get her away from Jack for girl talk.
“We must have a girl talk pow wow in my bunk,” I told her as we got to the bus.
“Okay,” Nyssa agreed. I checked all over the bus to make sure Alex wasn’t here. I told Matt to keep him away and busy so I can hang with Nyssa alone on the bus. The boy kept checking me out and sending me flirty texts and sneaking kisses when the others weren’t looking.
“Now that we have the bus to ourselves, I have to tell you something,” I started.
“Like what. I have hard times with my mind, what makes you think I can read yours,” Nyssa joked.
“Alex and I kissed earlier,” I spilled the beans.
“You’re joking,” Nyssa was surprised.
“I’m not kidding. After I talked with Jack for you in the back lounge, Alex came in the back to ask about it. I told him about Sarah since it involved me too. Then we sat quietly for a moment while I traced his rose tattoo. Before I knew it, we leaned into each other and we kissed. You cannot say a damn thing to Jack or anyone on the tour. He and I are going to go out to dinner first before we announce our relationship,” I told her.
“I am so happy for you Bonnie,” I could tell she meant it, but she was a little sad. I knew she and Jack were getting close, but it was slower than me an Alex.
“I have faith in you and Jack, Nyssa. Just give it time. You and Jack are different then me and Alex. When the time is right, you two will hit it off like we did. Trust me,” I looked her square in her eyes to get my point across.
“You know I heard you and Alex talking earlier about something by the bathroom. What are you hiding from me,” she asked. Shit, I’m dead.
“Nothing’s up,” I lied. Then I smiled, fuck I can’t lie worth a damn.
“Spill, now,” Nyssa crossed her arms across her chest and I knew I had to tell her. She’s going to freak out.
“I have enough meds to last me to the Lowell date. After that, I’m screwed. I’m terrified of how fucked my mind has gotten. The last time I went without my anxiety meds was back during a family vacation my sophomore year of high school. I’ve changed since then,” I told her.
“Since Alex knows, does he have a plan,” she asked. I knew she was trying not to lose her mind worrying about me.
“His plan is to be in the same room as me at all times once I’m out of my pills. What’s even worse is when I can’t take my Ritalin; my mind will wander severely and cause an attack. I’m so not ready for this,” I wanted to cry thinking about what will happen in a couple days.
“I’m sure you and Alex will figure something out. Did you tell Matt too,” Nyssa wrapped her arms around me, hugging warmly.
“I told him about my low supply and he said he’ll go easy on me and let Alex be as close to me as possible when we’re getting the stage together during the show. Then he’s going to fill Alex’s post of attack watch duty while Alex meets with fans, showers, and Evan takes over when he performs,” I told her.
“I’ll help too,” Nyssa volunteered.
“You won’t be able to handle me when I have an attack Nyssa. I know that for a fact. But I guess you can try when Matt and Evan are on duty,” I told her.
♪Alex♪
I watched as Bonnie and Nyssa ran off to hang out and have a girl’s hangout. I wanted to try eavesdropping but Matt ran interference.
“Alex, go hang with the guys and have a little bash for a while. Let the girls hang out,” Matt ordered.
“But I want to,” I started.
“No buts now go hang with the boys,” Matt ordered again and I agreed. My mind didn’t want to focus on hanging out with the guys; it focused on Bonnie. She was always on my mind.
“Yo Alex, you alright,” Vic asked.
“Yeah what’s gotten into you, mate,” Josh added.
“Bonnie,” I replied.
“Is Bonnie Nyssa’s friend,” Jaime asked.
“Yeah,” I replied.
“Well I think the girls will be fine. Now come and have male bonding time,” Mike added as Tony handed me a beer. I took a seat between Jack and Vic.
“I’m worried too. About Nyssa. You’re not alone,” Jack whispered.
“Let’s try not to worry about the girls for now. They’re on the bus and their bonding,” I told him.
A couple beers later, I’m pretty mellowed out and having fun joking around with all the guys when a pair of hands cover my eyes. I guess it had to be Bonnie since I memorized the feeling of her hands.
“Guess who,” she asked.
“Hi Bonnie. Came to join us men at our pre show tail gate,” I asked.
“Yeah,” she removed her hands and stole my beer from me and took a sip before giving it back.
“How did your girl time go,” I asked her as she took a seat on my lap.
“Good. Nyssa knows about my situation. She’ll be helping out when she can. I was pretty against telling her about being close to a snap in my mind. Now I’m worried about her. She doesn’t handle stress well,” Bonnie informed me.
“Well then Jack and I can help her handle the stress too,” I smiled and I had to resist the urge to kiss Bonnie since I wanted what we had as our little secret until I took her to dinner.
“So that dinner you promised,” Bonnie whispered in my ear.
“How about we slip away during the Six set and have a quick bite and then let the cat out of the bag at the next venue.
“Sounds great,” Bonnie replied.
♪Bonnie♪
While we all hung out and relaxed, Jeff came into the room. The look on his face wasn’t very good.
“Jeff what’s up,” Matt asked.
“Something happened in Boston. It’s not very good,” Jeff grabbed the remote for the TV in the dressing room were all chilling in and turned on the news.
There was a bombing at the marathon. The Boston marathon was attacked. It was a tragic incident and two people so far died.
I felt a pain in my chest. It felt like a strong hand was crushing my heart. My lungs stopped working right and I started to have issues breathing. Palms started to sweat as the sensation of pins and needles ran up my fingertips up my arms. I lost my sense of time and space. My eyes slammed shut as tears welled up. I could barely hear anything over my pounding heart.
I was having a panic attack and I was on my medication. I was screwed later down the road. I hope Alex was ready for when the time came that I was going to break apart into thousands of little pieces.