Everybody Wants To Go To Heaven, But Nobody Wants To Die

8th June 2009
“You’re here a lot aren’t you, Barakat? Where’s Alex?” I smiled at the voice that was behind me. And for the record, I don’t give a shit where or what Alex does anymore. But nonetheless I couldn’t take it out on Cass.
“I guess I am, and I don’t know.” I sighed.
“Hm. Yeah, sure.” She walked from behind me, around the desk and in front of me with her arms folded.
“Where were you at dinnertime?” The bell interrupted my question. I admit I did change the subject quickly; however I still wanted to know what she’d been up to.
“I was with this guy he’s so cute and....” I threw my bag on my shoulders and pretended to listen about her Romeo. Or Rian? Or is it R-y-a-n? I didn’t completely catch what she said. The corridors were packed full of people rushing around, and there was Alex. I walked to my locker and threw it open as she continued her cutesy little love story. I hid my body behind the locker before he even got chance to notice me. “Jack? Hello! You’re not even listening, are you?!”
“Uh, yeah, Rian? Rian. Carry on, I’m listening, I promise.” I nodded.
She shook her head at me and laughed quietly to herself. "I gotta go, Jack. See you round."
That’s what I’ve always been like to girls too, the dorky, goofy friend with the slight lisp.
I rummaged in my locker for my notebook and a jacket. I turned back around but but accidently bumped into someone.
“Alex, what do you want?” I muttered. I swear everyone seems to want me when I open my locker. I don’t understand why, it’s full of shit. Just like the person standing in front of me.
He just looked down.
“I don’t want you to hate me, that’s all.” He mumbled, looking down at his feet. His lips were chapped and red.
“Okay, is that it?” I spat. I didn’t mean to be so aggressive with him, everything’s been grating on me all day.
“Stop being a fucking jerk, Jack.” He spoke quietly.
“You know what?! You stop being the jerk and open your eyes! She doesn’t love you, Alex! If she loved you she wouldn’t leave you every single month!” I didn’t realize how loud I was screaming until I lent back onto the locker and noticed everybody’s eyes on me. I calmed down and quietened my voice; my voice was barely a whisper when I next spoke. “She doesn’t love you, if she did she wouldn’t have broken your heart all of those times, she wouldn’t have cheate-” He snapped his head up, but I closed my mouth before he punched me in the face.
“She gets me though?” He whispered in return, it broke my heart at how blind he was being, but I was so fucking angry I just needed to get away.
I laughed, shook my head and slammed my locker door shut, sending echoes down the half empty hall.
He tried calling me back but I just continued walking.
I couldn't look back.
I couldn't look back at the hurt in his face.
I've lost my bestfriend.
I felt awful.
I felt guilt.
I felt worse than I have ever felt in my whole life.
I skipped class for the rest of that day.

Notes