My hands shook as I zipped up the bag. I decided not to tell Eliza we were leaving early, she had enough going on what with Eli. I just wished I could’ve said goodbye as Jack’s words hung over my head,

“You’ve obviously proven to me that you’re fit enough to get yourself out of danger.”

I didn’t stand a chance.

---

Jack was silent the whole time and for once, I wished he would say anything. Even is what he said would break my heart, I just wanted him to eliminate the silence because the fears running around my head about what would happen to me were deafening. Without his protection, there was no doubt that I would be raped, beaten, and tortured. I did take some time to wonder whether or not I should assume he’d let me be killed but by the way he was acting, he didn’t seem to care about my well being so I figured it was safe to do so.

We pulled into the airport and went through the same routine as when we went to California, someone took our bags and Jack led me to the room in the back.

I almost smiled when I realized that tensions were just as high now as they were last time we were flying out of Baltimore.

Jack sat on the couch and I was going to sit in the chair which was farthest from his couch when he tutted,

“Uh uh. Not on the furniture.”

I groaned but not loud enough for him to be prompted to do anything about it and sat in the farthest corner from him. The plane rumbled to life and we started vibrating and within five minutes, we were in the air. I wasn’t nearly as scared as I was last time, although I was maybe a bit on edge.

I sighed and closed my eyes. So much had happened in the past few days, I barely had time to feel it all. I’d realized I cared about him, he abused me emotionally and physically, he raped me, he sent my friend to the fourth quarter, he raped him, he demeaned me, and among all that, Jack’s shadow appeared and told me that somehow I was the reason hell was falling apart.

My life was more dramatic than a fucking soap opera.

Hurt and anger made my skin simmer because Jack hurt Eli and I, but a weight pressed against my chest because I care about him so much while apparently he doesn’t give two shit about me, and my head spun as to why he went from almost kind to so cruel. What did I do? Why did he want me to hate him when just a few days ago, he gave me a blowjob as an apology?

I glanced up at Jack who was on his phone texting someone. The breath left my lungs when he glared down at me.

“Are you just going to sit there staring at me?” He asked, irritation in his voice.
“Last time I asked you that, I wound up drinking a bottle of bourbon.” I hummed, looking down at my knees and scratching at the threads that made up my skinny jeans.
“What do you want?” He sighed, looking back at his phone.
“Something happened.” I murmured.

I didn’t exactly want to tell him about what happened with his shadow because I knew he’d probably find some way to blame me, but I knew that this was bigger than me and besides, I really needed protection of some sort when it came to this and he was the only one I knew who could offer that. It was worth a shot.

I explained everything happened, ending with telling him how I stormed into his room.
Jack’s expression was one that I’d predicted. Rage. I looked down, afraid of what he’d do.

“You’re telling me, that he said you were the reason Hell is crumbling?” His voice trembled with
anger.

I nodded at the floor.

I heard Jack exhale hard and stand up. I risked a glance up at him to see his hand running through his hair as he looked through the window.

“He lied. You are insignificant. You can’t do or change anything.” He barked.
“I know.” I whispered.

And I did. I’d given up hope of ever being valuable or meaning anything. Honestly, sometimes it felt like the only reason I kept myself alive was for Eliza. I don’t know what I’d do without her.

“Good.” He snapped.
“Why?” The question bubbled up in my throat before I could stop it.
“Why what Alex? Be specific.” He hissed.
“Why are you being like this? What did I do?” I whispered.

---

That question tore into my heart. The way he cowered in the corner with that tremble of hurt in his voice, showed me that all I’ve done wasn’t causing him to hate me, it was making him believe he was worthless and was making him hate himself. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I turned to face him.

It was like I was looking at him for the first time. I hadn’t noticed how skinny he’d gotten or how jumpy he was. I hadn’t noticed how his beautiful eyes had sunken in or how he didn’t smile or laugh anymore.


What have you done to him?

“Jack please, tell me what I did wrong. What did I do?” He whimpered, his eyes glistening.
“Oh baby.” I murmured, stepping forward.

The way he flinched made me fight to keep tears at bay. I dropped to the ground in front of him and pulled him into my chest, hugging him tight. He seemed shocked for a moment and froze, honestly I didn’t blame him. I’d just preformed a major mood change but soon his arms were locked around me.

“I’m- I-“ I stammered.

I knew if I said it, everything would become so much harder. But the way Alex was clinging to me for dear life because he didn’t know when I’d turn cruel again broke my heart and damn it! I was.

“I’m sorry.” I choked. “I’m so sorry.”

I felt a slight shift and I knew that Hell had just lost some of it’s strength but I didn’t care.

“Why?” He croaked, he’d felt it too.
“I-I needed you to hate me because I hoped if you hated me, I’d grow to hate you back.”
“Why do you want to hate me?”
“Because the alternative is loving you.” I whispered, hanging my head.
“Is that really so bad?” He looked up at me with red eyes due to the tears.

The way he asked that, the pure innocence in his voice similar to a child’s, made me want to be good. It made me wish I hadn’t become such an evil person.

“When I fell in love with Patrick, I’d gotten lucky. The only thing that kept Hell from falling was that my shadow was still in me, keeping me evil. When it left, I’d only been without it for three days and Hell was almost destroyed. Hell is already weak as it is and if I fall in love with you, it wouldn’t stand a chance. If I love you, it will be the turning point in me becoming good and if that happens, Hell will be rulerless and every single demon in the world will be at war with one another, trying to get command. The Earth would be a blood bath. And even when one is chosen, there’s no guarantee they’ll have the control that’s needed. I know I’m chaotic, but I’m not like that all the time. My power and influence in the wrong hands could end the world for everyone. I thought that if you hated me then Hell would be secure and you’d be safe. I didn’t do any of that shit because I wanted to. I was trying to get you to hate me…But now I see I was just making you hate yourself.”

I felt Alex shake in my arms and I pulled him even tighter to me. I didn’t care if what was happening was draining Hell of it’s little strength. I didn’t care that my actions could cause the downfall of the world. All I cared about, was that Alex was hurting and it was my fault and I would do anything to fix this.

“I just…Alex what can I do?” I asked.
“J-just…Stay.”
“Okay baby, I’m not going anywhere. How about this, while we’re in New York, I promise to devote a full day to you. We can do whatever you want okay?”

He pulled back, his eyes red and puffy from crying.

“Really?”

I wiped away his tears and moved his hair out of his face as I nodded with a small smile. He grinned and hugged me again and I held him close for the remainder of the flight.

Notes

Title cred: Stay by Sam Smith

HAPPY!!!!

JUST WAIT IT GETS BETTER