I dragged Alex in and forcefully kissed him, pushing him against the wall. He struggled a bit but I held him still, kissing his neck, making sure he couldn’t see my face. I hated this.

I hated every second of this. I hated how he shrunk away from my touch instead of embracing it. I hated how he whimpered in fear when I nipped his skin instead of moaning. And I hated that he was enjoying this about as much as I was.

I promised myself that I wouldn’t hurt him as I carried him upstairs and placed him on the bed, climbing on top of him. My heart ached when he lay limp and turned his head away from me. I chewed on the inside of my cheek as I unbuckled his belt and pulled his pants down. I went to undo mine but then I realized I wasn’t hard. At all.

None of this was sexy to me. I knew I had to get it up and I also knew that there was only one way to do it. I had to give myself over to the dark side of myself. That little part of me that liked seeing Alex like this, hurt and sad. I had to let that consume me, at least for now. I looked at him and let that portion of me grow and grow. Then quickly, I found myself liking him like this.

I liked how he shrunk from my touch and whimpered in fear.

I liked how he seemed to give up all hope.

I liked how he lay there heartbroken.

I growled and stretched him quickly, paying no attention to his needs or to how much pleasure
he was feeling, and I slowly pushed into him. He whimpered and grabbed the sheets in pain. All I wanted to do was slam into him, he just felt so good and I’ve never been a patient person, but I’d internally promised that I wouldn’t hurt him and so I waited until he relaxed. Thats when I started moving.

I knew if I was going to get off, I needed to go faster, but if I was going to go faster, I needed to make Alex feel good so that I wouldn’t hurt him.

I angled my hips in the direction I’d memorized and his back arched as he gasped. I took this as an okay to go as fast as I wanted, hitting him just right every single time. I pulled out and flipped him over, I couldn’t bear to look at his face while I did this. I pushed back in and I wrapped one hand around his throat and placed the other on his hip, driving into him faster and harder. High pitched moans started falling from his lips causing my hands to tighten. I started to feel the rush coming and I continued at my ruthless, headboard slamming, pace until it hit me like a tidal wave and my body convulsed, releasing inside of him. I held myself still for a moment, savoring the situation. Thinking through and appreciating everything, how good it felt to finally let the dark parts of me see the light of day after surprising them for so long, how I felt post-orgasm, sweaty and blissed out, but most of all, savoring how I had a helpless trembling boy beneath me. I pulled out and grabbed my clothes, walking back to my room to shower, beginning to repress the evil and feeling the guilt set in.

I didn’t even know whether or not he’d came.

---

I hadn’t. I hadn’t came. I felt more miserable than I had in a long time. Not only was I crying because of how much Jack had hurt me, but also because I was still horny and hard. I dragged myself into the shower to jerk myself off.

Let me tell you, crying in the shower while jerking yourself off till you finally come is probably the saddest thing ever.

---

I limped down the steps to see Jack with his head in his hands sitting at the kitchen table. Just seeing him sent a pang through my chest. I wondered what caused him to be so sad. Maybe he felt guilty?

“Oh good you’re up. We’re going to New York tomorrow.” He said.

Nope.

“Okay.” I murmured quietly, proceeding into the kitchen.
“Little quiet there lex.” He smirked.
“Yeah being raped three times does that to a person.” I snapped.
“You should be damn grateful. I was kind.” He spoke, his voice raising.
“Kind!” I laughed, the anger filling my veins.

Any other person would’ve broken into complete submission a long time ago considering everything he’s done to me, but I guess it was just the fact that I was an angel that kept my stupid stubbornness alive.

“Yes. Kind. I didn’t push you as far as I could’ve and I haven’t taken you again since last night. I’m not being nearly as rough on you as I could be.”
“Just because of the fact that it could be worse does not make any of this okay!” I cried.
“It’s okay if I say it’s okay.” He growled lowly.

I knew I should’ve shut up. I knew he was warning me to be careful. But I just couldn’t help myself.

“No it’s not. It’s me. It’s my body. It’s okay if I say it’s okay and it’s not.” I snapped.

He stepped forward and pushed me so hard I slammed into the wall behind me. The impact caused my wings to shoot out, probably because I haven’t released them in so long. He approached me quickly and I wrapped my wings around my body, trying to protect myself but he easily pried them apart and grabbed my throat. I clutched his hands and lifted myself up at much as I could, trying to get more air as I flapped my wings, trying to escape but I wasn’t going anywhere.

“Look at the little angel, trying to escape.” He grinned maliciously.

He slammed me to the ground so hard it knocked the wind out of me. I coughed and looked up at him towering over me.

“Archangel.” I corrected.
“Still small. Still tiny compared to me.” He grinned.

I staggered up to my unsteady feet.

“You know what Jack? Yeah, I am small compared to you and yeah, you are stronger. But I’m never gonna stop. I’ll never give in and I sure as hell am never going to stop fighting.” I replied.

The look of hatred he gave me send a shill through my feathers which was an odd feeling, I didn’t even know wings could get a chill.

“What if I just sent you to hell?” He asked.
“You wouldn’t.” I replied.
“What makes you so sure?” He asked, cocking an eyebrow.
“You wouldn’t have your little ‘fuck toy’ anymore.” I spat.
“Oh but I would.” He grinned, stroking my cheek.

I flinched away so he grabbed my shirt collar.

“I would have my fuck toy, you’d just be insane… You know… I’ve never fucked a psychotic angel before.”

I couldn’t say anything… Because his hand was so tight around my throat.

“But you know what? I am in the mood to fuck a psychotic human.” He snarled before releasing me.

He turned around to leave but I grabbed his arm.

“No. Please don’t hurt anyone, just me. I’m your outlet.” I begged.

He whipped around with a glare and kicked the side of my knee so hard I heard a crack. I cried out and fell to the ground.

“You aren’t good enough.” He spat, running upstairs.

I tried to chase after him, afraid of what he’d do but I couldn’t move. He had literally snapped my knee in half. I heard the screams of a man and found myself thanking god that it wasn’t Eliza. There was no doubt Jack had found someone and sent them to the fourth quarter momentarily, too bad ‘momentarily’ was enough to completely destroy their mind. I heard his screams grow louder as a soft thumping began. Jack was raping him. The pain in my knee wasn’t the thing that caused me to lose it, it was the sound filling my ears. It wasn’t even really that loud but it seemed deafening. My hand covered my mouth and I tried my hardest not to sob as my wings curled around my body, soft and warm. As sick as it sounds, it felt like Jack was cheating on me. For the past six months, I’d been the only one Jack had fucked and now I get to listen to him do it to someone else. I felt so betrayed even though I knew he was a monster and I shouldn’t be gracing him with any emotions.

My knee began to burn, signaling that it was healing but I didn’t care. Normally, I’d grip onto something out of pain but this time, the hurt in my heart dwarfed my knee.

I took a shuddered breath when the house was silent. Whimpering filled my ears and what I saw caused a new wave of tears to stream down my cheeks. There was Jack, shirtless, and holding the arm of a deranged Eli. His head whipped around, as he whispered,

“Crumble, crumble, crumble, walls.”

over and over. He was talking about Hell. Jack smirked at me before opening the door and pulling him down to the cells.

Notes

Title cred: The Sharpest Lives - My Chemical Romance

OKAY IT'LL GET BETTER SOON I KNOW I KEEP SAYING THAT BUT HOLD ON FOR ONE MORE CHAPTER I PROMISE IT GETS HAPPY AGAIN OKAY DON'T LEAVE

also sorry about the shitty updating schedule so basically at the end of last month my family started going through a really rough time and we're just now starting to get back to normal and then like two days ago i had to go to the hospital again because of asthma (that's twice in 6 months) and then yesterday the air conditioning in my house broke so I've just been really slow and lazy because it's been so hot (I live in the southern part of the USA so trust me it gets fucking hot as satan's balls)


sorry for dumping all that shit on you guys, it's just you deserve a straight reason for me not updating in ten days