Without thinking, without even knowing, I hugged him.

“It’s okay Lex, you’re fine.” He murmured, wrapping his arms around me.

I sighed and closed my eyes, letting the fear melt away as I relaxed into his arms.
It was times like this that confused me because he was so gentle and comforting. Why was he acting this way? How long would it be till he became cruel again?

“How do we fix it?” I asked, letting go of him.
“First we have to figure out what the problem is.” Jack said.
“What is it?”
“I’ll figure it out.”
“Okay what’s changed in the past few months?” I asked, deciding to help him.
“Um…Well… I don’t know… Zach was killing my people, trying to expand…But I don’t see how that would cause Hell to crumble…Um.”

Then I realized.

“You got me.” I whispered.
“What?”
“You got me.” I replied, a little bit louder. “That’s what changed. You got me, an angel.”
“Yeah so? Demons owned angels before we put the whole death warrant on them.”
“Well then what else changed?” He asked.

Then I realized something groundbreaking for the second time.

“You did.” I replied, breathless.
“I what?”
“Yeah, you changed. Since you’ve gotten me, you’re not as cruel. When was the last time you sent someone to Hell? Literally the day after you got me and it’s been months since then. You’ve become more human, Jack. You’re less cruel.”

His expression changed. I should’ve known that everything I just said was basically a challenge.

“I’m less cruel? You haven’t seen cruel.” He threatened.

I closed my eyes and sighed.

I wished he didn’t have to do this, I wished we could have a single fucking conversation without him fucking throwing a fit. Normally, I’d be down for a fight with him, hell, I’ve initiated probably over half of them…But I couldn’t at that moment, I just couldn’t. I was just too emotionally and physically exhausted from being in Hell, I couldn’t take more violence and hate. I just couldn’t.

I opened my teary eyes and one fell down my cheek when I looked up into Jack’s.

“Please.” I whispered.

His face hardened.

“I can’t do this right now.”
“You don’t have a fucking choice. You’re mine. You’ll do whatever I tell you and right now, I’m telling you to stand there and don’t move.”

I did as he said and I didn’t even try to fight it. I closed my eyes and hung my head, tears falling from my closed eyes.

A sharp sting was delivered to my back making me bite my lip as Jack slashed my back with a belt, I didn’t even realize he’d torn off my shirt until then.

Slash after slash was delivered and I stood there with half lidded eyes, just letting this happen to me. I breathed though the pain, it was something I was used to doing. I could handle the physical, but what Jack did next is what really cut into my heart. With every slash of the belt, he’d spit words like,

“Useless.”

“Stupid.”

“Ugly.”

Those words had me swallowing a lump in my throat because I knew they were true. Jack slashed once more with the word,

“Worthless.”

And I collapsed to my knees, hunching over and bringing my head into my hands. I bit my lip to keep it from quivering but a small sob passed my lips. He spoke his next words with such vile hatred, it took everything in me to not completely break down.

“You don’t see how useless you are do you? How dispensable you are? No body cares about you, Lex. If you were to just drop off the face of the earth, no one would give a damn, least of all me.”

Then he grabbed my arm and dragged me out of his room, into the hall, before slamming the door shut.

I curled up into the fetal position and tugged at my hair. The darkness in my chest threatened to spiral and take me with it and I knew I needed something to get me through this. That’s when I whispered lyrics to myself,

“She sits up high, surrounded by the sun.
One million branches and she loves every one.
Mom and Dad did you search for me?
I’ve been up here so long I’m going crazy.

And as the sun went down, we ended up on the ground.
I heard the train shake the windows you screamed over the sound,
And as we owned this night I put your body to the test with mine.
This love was out of control,
Three, two, one, where did it go?

Now don’t be crazy yes now of course you can stay here.
You know we’re going on ten years.
Big deal, I guess we’re official.
I only said it cause I know what it’s like to feel burned out and down.
We’ve all been there sometimes but tonight I’ll make you feel beautiful once again.

And as the sun went down, we ended up on the ground.
I heard the train shake the windows you screamed over the sound,
And as we owned this night I put your body to the test with mine.
This love was out of control,
Three, two, one, where did it go?

If I were you, I’d put that away.
See you’re just wasted and thinking bout’ the past again.
Darling, you’ll be okay.
And she said,
“If you were me, you’d do the same.
Cause I can’t take anymore.
I’ll draw the shades and close the door.
I’m not alright and I would rather...”

And as the sun went down, we ended up on the ground.
I heard the train shake the windows you screamed over the sound,
And as we owned this night I put your body to the test with mine.
This love was out of control,
Three, two, one, where did it go?”

I lay there for a few more minutes before a soft hand touched my face. I opened my eyes and there was Eliza. She smiled sadly before taking my hand and helping me up, walking me into my room. She didn’t say anything. She just sat and I lay next to her with my head in her lap as I cried.

Notes

Title cred: Hold On Till May - Pierce The Veil
Song cred: Hold On Till May - Pierce The Veil

sad :(

buT GUESS WHO WAS PUT ON ADHD AND ANXIETY MEDS

THIS BITCH