We'll Let The Fires Just Bathe Us

He left and I knew I should get up to shower but I couldn’t. Silent tears streamed down my face.

He raped me.

And I loved it.

At first it was horrible, agonizing, but then, he got gentler. It felt so amazing and I hated myself when he left because all I wanted to do was grab him and get him back in my bed so he could make me feel that way all over again. I dragged myself out of bed and turned the shower on as cold as it would go. My skin simmered with his touch. I could still feel where his hands had been, where his fingers caressed my skin, where his lips left little purple flowers all over my neck. My skin still burned from his contact. I stepped under the icy blast but it did nothing to cool the areas. I washed my body slowly, not adjusting the temperature and when I got out I was shivering. With a completely blank mind, I dried myself off and dressed myself in sweatpants and a shirt. The second I hit my mattress, the thoughts came. My mind filled with flashbacks and every time I closed my eyes I could see Jack's face.
"Stop thinking." I whispered, bringing my hands up to my face. It didn't work. The thoughts were still there, glued into my mind and the flashbacks stuck on eternal replay.

Stop thinking

Stop thinking

Stop thinking

It got to the point where I couldn’t take it. The silence pressed into my head, the pressure making it feel as if my eardrums were going to rupture. I heard my heart beating, I heard my lungs expanding, and I even heard the silence. Like a low, persistent ringing in my ears and I needed something to drown it out. I reached over and grabbed my phone, going to music and hitting shuffle. A song called Car Radio started playing and I payed close attention to the lyrics,

“I ponder of something great
My lungs will fill and then deflate
They fill with fire
Exhale desire
I know it's dire
My time today

I have these thoughts
So often I ought
To replace that slot
With what I once bought
'Cause somebody stole
My car radio
And now I just sit in silence

Sometimes quiet is violent
I find it hard to hide it
My pride is no longer inside
It's on my sleeve
My skin will scream
Reminding me of
Who I killed inside my dream
I hate this car that I'm driving
There's no hiding for me
I'm forced to deal with what I feel
There is no distraction to mask what is real
I could pull the steering wheel

I have these thoughts
So often I ought
To replace that slot
With what I once bought
'Cause somebody stole
My car radio
And now I just sit in silence

I ponder of something terrifying
'Cause this time there's no sound to hide behind
I find over the course of our human existence
One thing consists of consistence
And it's that we're all battling fear
Oh dear, I don't know if we know why we're here
Oh my,
Too deep
Please stop thinking
I liked it better when my car had sound

There are things we can do
But from the things that work there are only two
And from the two that we choose to do
Peace will win
And fear will lose
There's faith and there's sleep
We need to pick one please because
Faith is to be awake
And to be awake is for us to think
And for us to think is to be alive
And I will try with every rhyme
To come across like I am dying
To let you know you need to try to think

I have these thoughts
So often I ought
To replace that slot
With what I once bought
'Cause somebody stole
My car radio
And now I just sit in silence

I ponder of something great
My lungs will fill and then deflate
They fill with fire
Exhale desire
I know it's dire
My time today

I have these thoughts
So often I ought
To replace that slot
With what I once bought
'Cause somebody stole
My car radio
And now I just sit in silence”

Notes

Title Cred: Car Radio by Twenty One Pilots


aww lex :(

anyway I have humiliated myself into the next century because my parents left and you know what that means...Karaoke time. So there I was in my bathroom singing away because the acoustics are good in there then I hear my dad say something and I realizE THEY HAVE BEEN HOME FOR LIKE TEN MINUTES

so yeah

comment your embarressing stories and make me feel better.