I spend the rest of the night in the chatroom stopping only to get popcorn for my dinner. I’ve been trying to loose weight 160 pounds isn’t healthy for a 5’4 girl. Gradually people log off but Matt and I stay in a thick conversation. He talks about how aggravating Jack can get when they’re trying to get paperwork done, and about how drunk their merch guy always seems to be.
For a while we get so off track to talk about Mickey Mouse for a while. Mostly because I know he has some sort of creepy obsession over him. I guess I’ve been there.

MatthewFlyzikGuest: Well Its been nice talking to you Hanna. Hopefully we can talk again sometime? I’m assuming that MN is the state that you’re in?

HannaMN: Yeah, I live in Minnesota. And I’d really love to talk again. Your life seems so cool and I’d like to hear more about it. Maybe I could interview you for a paper I have for school?

MatthewFlyzikGuest: Yes. That would be fun When is your Paper?

HannaMN: It’s a final so I have a few monthes

MatthewFlyzikGuest: Well, All Time Low is going to be making a surprise appearance at the Mall Of America to announce our next tour soon…

MatthewFlyzikGuest: I think I’ve said too much but I can trust you. Give me your email and I’ll tell you the date and where to meet me when it’s coming up.

HannaMN: That’d be amazing thank you, My email is Hannacriesatslender@gmail.com …. Yes judge me.

MatthewFlyzikGuest: I’ll be sure to remember! Bye J

HannaMN: Bye!

MatthewFlyzikGuest Is offline

I sighed and relaxed back into my pillows, I copied and pasted the whole of the conversation into a word document. So I could read it over and over again whenever I needed to think about the Job I wish I had.
Not even the job of my dreams but the life of my dreams. I want to spend my life wandering around the world meeting new people like me who love music like me. I want to do that with my best friends. I want to be able to live my life without worrying about love. The shitty relationship drama that just breaks hearts and makes you feel used and useless because your ‘Other half’ has used you up.
Voldemort- what I call my ex. He who must not be named told me he loved me. That he thought I was the one. He told me that he would travel up to Minnesota to see me. I was in eighth grade. So I was stupid and I fell for it. I thought that maybe I would be lucky enough to find my love. He built up my trust until I would tell him anything….
Until I would show him anything.
He had gotten me to get Naked for him on Skype. Not just pictures, but to masturbate for him. I was fourteen. How could he have wanted that from me? He was older then me. Sixteen, He wasn’t attractive at all. He was obsese and blamed me for all of his problems.
I will admit I did hurt him but I mended it whenever I hurt him. I tried to be his friend but he couldn’t seem to handle it. He would always go back to our relationship. Our online relationship. He told me he tried to kill himself. He lied to me and he admitted to me for a while in our relationship he had three girlfriends. THREE. He said he dumped them as soon as things started getting good between us. A.K.A. when I started getting naked for him. That’s also when all of our troubles started. He wanted me to do that for him all the time. I didn’t.
I lay back in my bed just thinking about that. Just about how much I hated that part of my life and how I don’t regret it because I believe that it made me who I am today.