Welcome To My Life

Just as I pulled out my phone to call Jenna, I noticed Jack leaving Rian's house, followed by Alex, Rian and Zack. I can't have hurt him that bad if he's still walking, right? I didn't exactly feel like running into them, so I ran away quickly but quietly until I turned the first corner I got to.

I pushed the home button on my screen to see I had a missed call from Jenna. I quickly unlocked it and called her back.
"Hey!" Jenna's voice sounded enthusiastically after a couple of seconds.
"I fucked up" I replied, trying my best not to start crying.
"What happened?" Jenna asked concerned. "Where are you?"

"I punched Alex in the face" I muttered.
"You did what? Why?" Jenna exclaimed.
"I didn't mean to!" I replied quickly. "Jack just pissed me off so bad and I wanted to punch him but Alex tried to stop me and I was blinded by anger and I punched him in the face and then I punched Jack and I might have broken Alex's nose" I continued without taking a breath.

"Liz, breathe. Where are you?" Jenna asked calmly.
"In Jack's street" I replied.
"I didn't even know you were out of the hospital! Well okay, stay there, I'll come pick you up" Jenna said. "I'll be there in 5!"

I paced back and forth, making sure to stay out of the boys' sight while they got in a car, until a car stopped next to me and I noticed Jenna behind the wheel. I quickly got in the passenger seat and Jenna drove off.
"Okay, seriously, what happened? From the start?" Jenna asked.
I told her everything: lunch with Alex, Jack kicking me out, my parents wanting to take me home, me going with Alex, the band practice and me hitting Alex and beating Jack up, for as far as I could remember. Jenna was listening in silence.

"I'm pretty sure Alex won't ever talk to me again" I said quietly.
"Oh shut up, Alex is crazy about you. He won't not talk to you again because of something so stupid!" Jenna exclaimed.
"Jen... I broke his nose. That's not exactly something stupid" I said.
"You don't know if his nose is broken" Jenna said.
"Trust me, it is. That was not a normal nose bleed" I disagreed.

We soon got to Jenna's house and we both got out.
"You're welcome to stay by the way" Jenna said as we entered the house. "I already asked my parents."
"Thanks" I said appreciative. "I'm afraid I'll also have to borrow some stuff of yours as all of my stuff is still in Alex's car..."
"Yeah, sure, no problem" Jenna said, smiling nicely. "Want something to drink?"
"No thanks" I sighed.

"How about you go take a nice warm bath or something to relax a little? Beating yourself up over this won't get you anywhere" Jenna suggested.
"Uh yeah, that'd be nice" I nodded.
"I'll get the water running and get you some clothes that are not covered in Jack or Alex's blood" Jenna said and she went upstairs.

It wasn't until then I realized my clothes were indeed covered with blood. I had been walking around town like this. Why hadn't anyone called the cops? I sat down on the couch, not feeling very much at ease and trying not to cover it in blood stains. Jenna came back downstairs about 5 minutes later.

"The water is running. As for tonight, you're gonna have to sleep in my room. If this stay is gonna be not so temporary we'll clean out the guest room for you but for now my room will have to do" Jenna said apologetic.
"Jen. For all I care I'd be sleeping on your porch, I'm just thankful I can stay here." I said.
"Well, in that case I won't share my room and you can sleep on the porch" Jenna joked. "I'll go get you some stuff while you're bathing"

"Thank you" I said quietly.
"No problem. That's what friends are for" Jenna said smiling.
"Still, I haven't had a lot of friends that were actually there for me when I really needed them" I shrugged.
"Well, you can't have had a lot of good friends then" Jenna said. "Now, go take a bath!"

I did as I was told. Jenna was right, it did help me relax a little. It wasn't until now that I felt my muscles ache from beating up Jack, but the hot water reduced the pain. I didn't get out of the bath until I felt almost completely relaxed. I changed into the clothes Jenna had left for me: skinny jeans, a band shirt, a grey hoodie and bunny slippers. After I got dressed, I went downstairs to find Jenna in front of the TV.

"Supernatural?" I asked, looking at the screen.
Jenna nodded. "You want to watch something else?"
"No, I love Supernatural" I said, sitting down next to her.
"Good" Jenna said.

We watched Supernatural for hours, not really talking much. I didn't mind, because I wasn't in the mood to talk and I had a feeling Jenna could tell. We were just about to start the 6th episode today when the door bell rang. Jenna went to get it, while I pulled out my phone and scrolled through my Twitter feed.

"Liz...?" I heard Jenna say, causing me to look up. "You have a visitor..."
None other than Alex followed her into the living room. I quickly attempted to fix my hair. Not like he would care considering he's mad at me, but well...

"Alex..." I said quietly. "What are you doing here?"
I couldn't take my eyes of the white band aids in the middle of his face, covering his nose. So it was indeed broken. Thanks to me.
"I've been asking myself the same question" Alex sighed. "Can I talk to you?"
"Uh yeah sure" I said and I quickly got up.
"You stay here, I'll be upstairs" Jenna offered, brushing past Alex to the hallway.

I sat back down and Alex came up to me, sitting down on the other side of the couch.
"Alex, I really am sorry. I never meant to break your nose - it's broken right? - I just get blinded by anger sometimes and I just hit everything around me and I know it's no excuse but..." I started rambling, until Alex cut me off.

"No, I'm sorry" he said, making me shut up.
"What? What are you sorry about?" I asked confused.
"I shouldn't have snapped at you or let you leave without apologizing" Alex said apologetic.

"Alex!" I exclaimed in disbelief. "I broke your nose. You have every right to be pissed at me. You are not apologizing to me."
"Yeah but you didn't mean to hit me" Alex said quietly.
"But I did." I said shortly. "Don't be so nice to me."
"Why not?" Alex asked softly.
"Because I don't deserve it" I replied.

"Will you just stop talking like that? You deserve it just as much as anyone does. Stop talking yourself down like that. You want to know why I'm here? Because I'm not ready to say goodbye. I don't want to fight with you, I don't want you to go back to Illinois, I don't want you to leave. I know it sounds stupid as I've only known you for about a week, but I need you, Liz. You make me happy and no matter what you tell yourself, I know I make you happy as well." Alex said, looking into my eyes.
Tears started to well up in my eyes. "I don't want to leave" I said thinly. "Definitely not to Illinois."
"I'm glad we at least agree about that part" Alex said, smiling a little. "Come here, you freak."

He held his arms open, inviting me into his embrace. Usually I would not appreciate being called a freak but there was something about the way Alex said it that made it okay. I gladly wrapped my arms around him, making sure I didn't hurt his nose. Alex hugged me tightly and I rested my head on his chest, Alex resting his chin on my head. He stroked my hair softly while we sat like that.

It was in that moment that I realized it: I like Alex, as more than a friend. No matter how much I tried to push these feelings away, they didn't go away. They just kept growing and growing. Pushing people away and shutting them out is easy when you don't care, but these feelings definitely complicated my attempts of not getting close to anyone...

We sat like that for a while, enjoying the hug.
"You're too good for this world" I said softly.
I heard Alex chuckle. "I'm really not, but thank you."

"Okay, let me rephrase that: You're too good for my world" I corrected myself.
"Oh yeah? And why's that?" Alex asked, lifting his head.
"Good things don't usually happen in my world" I shrugged. "It's almost too good to be true."
"Except that it's not" Alex said, winking.

"How is Jack?" I asked, suddenly remembering he too went to the hospital.
"Well, way to ruin the moment" Alex joked. "But you got him pretty bad. He too has a broken nose, couple of crushed ribs and a pair of black eyes."
"Hmm, I've done worse" I shrugged.
"Really? I mean, this was already pretty... scary" Alex said quietly.

I felt my face turn red and I looked down. How great, the guy I liked was already scared of me.
"I mean, it was just like... Like you weren't you, or something... There was just something in your eyes..." Alex muttered.
"You see things in my eyes that are not there, Alex" I joked, trying to lighten the tension. "But I guess you're right. I barely remember what I did. I didn't even realize I hit you. I don't really know how it works, but trust me, I hardly ever get this angry. Yes, I have a temper, but it's usually not this bad. This was mainly me taking out all of the frustration I've been bottling up for the last months out on Jack."
Alex nodded. "Well it was still scary."
"Sor-" I started, but Alex interrupted me by putting his finger on my lips.
"Don't say the s-word" he said.

And there it was: the moment you always see in movies. Where the two main characters are staring into each others eyes, right before they kiss. And indeed, Alex leaned in to kiss me. And I kissed him back. Because it felt right. Because I knew I'd regret it if I didn't give him a chance.

Notes

Title credit: All Time Low - A Love Like War