Letters To Alex

I noticed you called me a few days ago. I'm sorry I didn't answer. I can't even tell you that I would have. You really picked a terrible time to call, Alex.

I always told you your terrible timing would be the death of you one day.

Speaking of death, I almost died the other day.

I don't know any other way to put that. You'll have to forgive me, I don't have a very delicate mindset at the moment.

I mean, I'm not sure if I usually do, but I don't currently. You, along with many others have said that I'm a very straight-forward person. I spit things out, sometimes meaning them and other times not. Never really figured out how to beat around the bush, and never really cared to.

You always told me my blunt attitude would be the death of me one day.

However, that was not the cause of my almost-death the other day.

The hospital classified it as 'attempted suicide.'

You see, I didn't try to kill myself. I was just having a bad morning. A very bad morning.

Bad enough to take a glass shard to my wrist, but you can't blame me. I wasn't in my right mind at the moment.

Plus, my life has been very difficult as of late. But still, I did not try to kill myself. I swear I didn't.

I was coming down from speed, which amplified my already shitty mood. It started off with me puking my guts out, something we both know I cannot deal with.

Then, I just kept getting these urges. I don't know what they were, but I followed through with them.

Next thing you know, my arm was covered in second degree burns. They did not hurt at the time, but they are very, very painful right now.

And then, well then I got angry. Real angry. And I broke the mirror. I used a glass shard and cut my into my wrist. Deep.

Deep enough to lose a vital amount of blood, and end up in this hospital bed under suicide watch.

I don't know why I did that. Hell, maybe I was trying to kill myself. I mean, I don't think I was. But I don't know.

All I have to say now is I'm sorry. For everything. Everything that led to this. You probably don't care, but I feel somewhat better with myself saying that.

Maybe you do care, maybe you don't. And I know my apology you'll probably never see doesn't justify anything. I had to say it though, I had to.

I hope you care. At the same time, I don't though. You deserve a lot better than me, a depressive junkie who's acting like a child that didn't get what they wanted. Even before I turned to my vices, you still deserved more than I could ever give you. So for that, I'm sorry. Again.

But deep down, I hope you care. I really do. Because even though it sounds really selfish, it'd be pretty fucked up for me to go through everything I have for you not to give a damn.

So yeah, I hope you care. I hope you care a lot, Alex.

But I don't know.

Notes

ok so i think my routine as of late is wait a month or two then BAM update
that's not very good *nervous laughter*
but im trying to change that! im very busy right now, im looking into colleges, im looking for a second job, and im on my way to being a fashion blogger! im trying to revamp my wardrobe but idk where to start, so ive been signing up for endless affiliate programs, representative programs, and sponsorships. basically, im tryna get free/cheep cute clothes ok.
so if you like fashion, or basically wanna help me out, you can follow my fashion blog here! and click on my links for my original posts, tysm :)))
well back to the story!
okay so delilah is not dead, woo. she almost died, but yall must be crazy if you think i'd kill her off right now. the story just started!
she's in the hospital for who knows how long.
and alex is... well he's living? idk. i hope he tells kylie soon bc she'll fight him if he doesn't.
well that's it! i think
comment what's floating in ya brain pals
also ps, since this could go either way, should the next chapter be from alex's pov, or delilahs? i don't know, and i need to write something. it'd be cool if you guys could tell me!