Letters To Alex

I missed you today. That's nothing new, though. It'd be easier to think about the times I'm not missing you, rather than when I do, y'know?

But I swear to god you're all I think about. If I'm not thinking about you, then I'm probably on a shitty high from some drug and I can't feel my body shake, or I'm drunk off my ass and I can't feel my face.

And you know what's funny?

In both circumstances, my tainted tongue can still form the syllables in your goddamn name.

I don't know how it works.

I don't know how anything works anymore. I don't think I ever did, if we're being honest.

That was one of things you never got to teach me.

But I don't know what happened with us.

Well, I do, but I don't understand. I know it was my fault, I just wish you knew what was going on. I wish you knew why I changed so drastically. It eats me alive every goddamn day.

I'd like to think if you knew, then maybe you'd still be mine. You would've helped me, just like you always did. But I just couldn't find a way to tell you. I just let you slip through my fingers, like the tears that constantly pour out my eyes.

You know, I think you're the kind of person that is put in someone's life to make them realize all their faults. That's not really a bad thing, though. You made me a better person.

But now that you’re gone, I'm at my worst.

I just don’t fucking understand.

You're the kind of person that gets taken away, just to know what real heart break is. I always thought I was above heart break. That heartbreak isn't even a real thing, rather a petty excuse for naive girls who wore their hearts on their sleeves, which were quite often stained crimson red from their blood.

Well, you knocked me right off from that pedestal. You also knocked the air of my frail lungs in the process.

I've never believed in any sort of god. I was never really a religious person. Neither were you, actually. I always believed in the more spiritual side of life. We both did.

But now that you're no longer around, I see things differently. I don't believe in anything. Not love, not god, nothing spiritual, not a damn thing. I believe that I was born onto this Earth alone, and I will leave it the same way I came. Alone. I was put on this Earth to die, and die alone I will. When, I'm not sure. But at this rate, probably soon.

But I do know one thing. You're the kind of person god, or whatever you believe in, gives someone young just to know what real loss is for the rest of their life.

And now I know.

Notes

oKAy so i know i said i wouldn't start another story until i finished my main two, but here's the thing.

i lied.

oops.


iM SOrry but this is something i started writing a while ago while i was on hiatus. i wrote a lot of things then...
but i really dig this okay, and i think y'all will too. (plus i have writers block for my other stories damn) but its a weird story, formatting wise. i've never written anything like this before, which excites me. it's going to seem very weird at first, but i promise you'll get used to it, okay?
i'm not even gonna ask for you to tell me what you think, because its probably along the lines of 'what the hell??'
but i'd appreciate it B)
since i started writing this on hiatus, i have several chapters prewritten. aka fast uploading. so if this gets the hype i want it to, i'll keep posting them.
if not, i'll just delete this story and we can all pretend this never happened....
okay?? okay.
well thank u babes!! i love u all mwah.