I lay in my cell with my eyes closed but I was wide awake. I didn’t sleep anymore because when I did that, morning came faster and I was tortured sooner but I discovered that if I lay awake, I’d get more time away from the knife. You can imagine my confusion and despair when I heard my cell creak earlier than usual. I opened my eyes, expecting to see two soldiers ready to carry me back to the table, but here stood my torturer.
“Come on.” He said, grabbing my arm and pulling me up. I stood shakily considering I hadn’t walked for five days and I’d just had every ounce of strength literally cut out of me. “Guards!” He called and two arrived. They pulled me off the ground roughly when the torturer protested. “Hey easy, that’s Balthazar’s servant!”
This caused anger to course through my veins. I was Alex’s servant. I’d just been tortured for days out of loyalty for my master and they where ready to call me someone else’s? No. Alex was my master and he always would be.
“Alex is my master.” I spat.
“Not anymore. Come on.”
They carried me out of my cell and down a hall I’d never been before. Then a door was opened and they dropped me at the feet of a young woman.
“Clean him up and take care of him. We’ll need him in the morning.” The torturer said before smirking at me and leaving with the guards. The second the door shut, she knelt beside me.
“Can you stand?” She asked. I nodded and, with her her help, very slowly lifted myself. Once on my feet I swayed a bit and had to lean on her, but I was up.
“Alright sit on this couch here and I’ll give you a decent meal, then you can take a bath, and we’ll take care of those wounds.” She said, helping me sit on a very soft and comfortable seat. She disappeared through the door and that’s when I got a good look around. It was beautifully decorated with bright orange, red, and yellow cloth draping from the ceiling and connecting to different places on the wall. The rug was an intricate, colorful pattern, and her bed was covered in brightly colored blankets. I then noticed a fire in the fireplace and so naturally I shifted my gaze to that.

---

I was woken up by the sound of the door closing. The woman came in and set a plate full of food before me. I looked up at her with a doubtful expression but when she nodded and smiled, I went ahead and scarfed it down. I didn’t realize how hungry I was until I started eating. Hunger pains went up to my ribs so I ate until the last bit of food was missing.
“Wow you were hungry.” She said with a laugh. It then occurred to me that I had no idea who she was.
“Okay, sorry, who are you? Why am I here? Why has the torturing stopped? What are they going to do to me?” I asked in a rush.
“I’m Valerie, Perc’s daughter, though you probably know him as your torturer,” I felt my eyebrows raise, “You’re here and the torturing stopped because now you’re Sir Balthazar’s…servant and he wanted you cleaned.” She said.
“Why did he want me cleaned?” I asked.
“Well I can’t imagine him wanting to sleep with you all bloody and dirty.” She remarked.
“Sleep with me?” I squeaked, “As in..”
“That’s part of a servant’s job here in Cenrid’s kingdom.” She said as if it were nothing.
“No. Nonononono.” I whispered, standing up and backing away, tears falling down my cheeks at the realization that I’m a sex slave again. And then suddenly everything came crashing back.

He threw me onto my table and rammed into me. I screamed at the pain but he didn’t care. He just continued thrusting, not giving a damn that I was blacking out from the pain.
“Stop it.” I whispered to myself, bringing my hands up to my hair.

His fist connected with my jaw causing me to fly across the floor. He walked up to me, I shrink back with every footstep and he literally picked me up and threw me at the wall. I cried out when my back hit the bookshelf. I almost vomited from the pain.

"Stop is." I whispered to myself, bringing my hands up to my hair.

“You’re what?”
“I’m gay, Father!” I sobbed. He looked at my mother who wore a shocked expression.
“Jack. I won’t turn you in, mainly because we have a reputation to uphold, but understand this. You are no son of mine. You are no son of your mother’s. The second you are of age, I want you out of this house.”

"No." I whispered weakly.

My eyes filled with tears as I watched my parents take their final breath. After getting a family friend to help me bury them, I packed all my things, which wasn’t much, and some food in a backpack and exited my house. There was nothing left for me. I was alone. Even the family friend didn’t want me because I was gay. He only helped with my parents out of respect for them.

"Please." I wasn't sure who I was begging, I was just begging that it'd stop.

Prince Almore thrust into my mouth causing me to gag a little,
“Move.”
Reluctantly, I moved my head and sucked making his breath grow ragged. I was good at blow jobs, I always had been. It was because of them that I earned a lot of my meals so I knew how to suck a dick…but this time I didn’t try. I didn’t have the strength. Being used so many times had exhausted me. I felt this fatigue in my bones, weighing me down. He kept fucking my mouth and tears filled my eyes as I was used yet again.
“Aw baby don’t be sad, you will be repaid for this.” He smiled. Suddenly, he pulled himself out of my mouth, shoved my underwear off, then pushed me to the bed, growing violent. He shoved three fingers up my ass causing me to cry out in pain and grip the sheets.

I sobbed making hot tears stream down my face. This was worse than any torture I’d received. My grip on my hair tightened to the point where I might have had some of my black locks in my fist but I didn’t care.

Alex spun around and grabbed my arm roughly and yanked me off the floor. I winced because of the sudden movement required of my sore stomach muscles. He dragged me to my room and pushed me onto the bed. I winced at the memory of so many people shoving me onto the bed before climbing on top of me but his body was absent. He stood in the corner with his arms crossed with a cruel glare on his face. I gulped and brought my knees up to my chin. I could practically see him grabbing me and beating the shit out of me. I stayed there cowering on the bed, staring back at him before his eyes narrowed and he stepped towards me. I cringed back into my head bored as he approached the side of my bed.
“We shouldn’t have kissed. It was wrong. You are wrong and fucked up. You’re despicable, look at you. You’ve fucked so many guys you’re just a disgusting, dirty, used rag.” He spat. Tears welled up in my eyes and my throat closed. “You are a disgusting faggot. How could you think I’d ever give a shit about you?” He asked, I could see this resentment flickering his his eyes. I bit my lip so hard it started bleeding and tears streamed down my cheeks as his words cut deep into my heart. “You’re lucky I don’t have you killed, and the only reason I don’t is because you’re good at your job. I should be having you killed. I should be plunging my sword through your heart right now.” He said, fingering his sword’s grip. I wasn’t afraid though. At this point, I wanted to die. And if I had to be killed by anyone, it was him. I was sad. No. Sad doesn’t even begin to cover it. Try in despair, in anguish, in agony, excruciation, devastation. He could only see my physical reaction which was just a few tears. But he didn’t know how badly he was hurting me. He was standing there telling me how digesting I am and how fucked up I am and I am sitting here silently begging him with the unstable beats of my breaking heart to come here and hold me and tell me he loves me and protect me. He finished off his rant by saying,

“I’ll never love you. Ever. Just go die so that there’ll be one less faggot in the world.”
Then he left.

I wanted to die. That was it. I would’ve welcomed death. The heartbreak consumed me and I felt my soul shatter.

“YOU IDIOT!” He shouted and pushed me to the ground.
“I-I’m s-sorry.” I cried, shrinking away from him.
“You’re so weak and stupid. God, why are you do useless you can’t even hold a sword!” He ranted, glaring at me. I looked up into his eyes and gazed at those gold flecks which had now dimmed with cruelty. How could those eyes be so harsh when they’d once been so comforting? A whimper escaped my lips when he yanked me up off the ground by my collar. He looked away for a moment before,
“Think fast.” Then he swung at me, his fist, which was covered in armor, collided with my jaw. The armor made his fist harder and increased the pain.

Next thing I knew, people were dragging me again but I was too busy focusing on the next flashback.

“You know I think you would’ve learned to keep an eye out for those knights instead of just blindly walking around like nothing’s going to happen to you.” He spat. I looked down at the basket and bit my lip.
“Stupid.” He mumbled before pushing me and stalking off.

I was thrown onto the hard stone floor of my cell.

“JUST FUCKING BLOCK!” He screamed, swinging at me again. I couldn’t move fast enough so his sword collided with my chest knocking all the wind out of me and causing me to stumble.
“I-I’m sorry.” I cried

I didn't know how much more I could take

“Why did Balthazar help you?”
“He told me he knew where they were. We were just picking herbs!” I cried.
“Jack I saw you two laughing you were doing a lot more than that.” This is when I finally looked up at him in shock.
“No! Why would I do that?” I cried.
“I don’t know, you’ve screwed pretty much everyone else, why not him?” He spat while advancing to the point where his face was just inches from mine. I gasped and stumbled back, tears threatened to fall. My limbs were drained of any strength they had and it took every ounce of will I possessed not to fall to a crumpled pile on the floor and sob. It literally felt like someone had punched me in the heart. Agony filled my lungs as my breathing grew ragged. I searched his eyes for for any tiny trace of remorse but there was nothing. Anger radiated off of him causing the air I breathed to be toxic.
“L-lex.” I whispered. His eyes narrowed coldly and my legs couldn’t handle it. I fell to my knees before my master, praying that he’d just kill me then and there. But of course he wasn’t that kind.

My sobs grew louder and I screamed into the hay on the ground.

“Don’t speak.” He snapped. “I’m so sick of all the noise!” He cried, his hands flying to the side of his head and his breathing grew ragged. I wasn’t sure what to do. I tentatively put my hand on his arm but he shoved me against the stone wall making my head smack against it.
Thoughts of death seemed so welcome. Oh how I wished someone would come and kill me.

“I’m angry because my sister is fucking dead.” He snapped, “I’m angry because the man who did it is walking free, I’m angry because even though we are at a truce with King Lance, the kings are still tense, and I’m angry because..” He trailed off but I knew what he meant. I knew exactly what he meant and it hurt. It hurt that he didn’t want to feel that way, it hurt that he took it out on me, it hurt because I knew nothing could ever really happen, and because of it, I was crippled and he had no idea how much he was killing me.
“Oh.” My voice was weak and quiet. Alex’s face clouded with regret and pain.
“It’s not my fault! I wasn’t the one who came along and messed it all up!” He exclaimed.
I messed it all up?
“I was doing fine! I was doing perfectly fine on my own and then you came along and ruined it!”
I ruined his life?
“God I wish I’d never met you! All you’ve done is cause more trouble. Why can’t you just go away you worthless piece of shit?”
Worthless

Worthless

Worthless

That word, and I was done. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bear to pretend I was okay.

Now I wanted to die more than anything. I searched my cell for anything that I could possibly use to kill myself but unfortunately the guards must’ve thought about that. I didn’t know how I could possibly live through this agony and not become insane.

“No! Please believe me, I’d never!” I sobbed. He jerked his arm out of my grasp.
“Jack, how can I trust someone I hate?” He snarled. That’s when I froze. Literally. All the heat left me. I was so cold. I’m pretty sure my heart stopped for a second.
Hate?
“Y-you hate me?” I gasped.
“Of course! You are fucking my knights behind my back when you told me I was the only one! Then when I catch you, you come up with a pathetic lie! How could you not see a rock in the middle of the path!”
“I-I.” All words left me.
How can I believe someone I hate?

And right after that one, the next came.

“You already were disloyal! You betrayed me and you betrayed my trust. I hate you so fucking much, Jack.”
That horrible feeling came again, the one where you feel like you’ve been punched in the gut. My eyes closed and I let myself dote on the pain because I deserved it. I deserved to feel like this.

By now I’d screamed my voice horse, my eyes had no more tears, I lay in a crumpled heap of exhaustion and misery on the cold hard floor.

Notes

Title Cred: Ode To Sleep