Kiss and Sell

Alex was most definitely hungover. He had been getting blackout drunk since he saw Jack in the hospital, but not in the fun way. No, he hadn't even been to a party since he found out about Jack. This was a guilty, drowning his demons kind of drinking. He could feel the vile racing up his stomach to his throat, but he simply swallowed it down and rolled over to grab what was left of his alcohol to chug. He felt the burn of alcohol down his throat and ignored it as he grabbed his joint from off the ashtray he had stole from his mother's room and quickly lit it up.

"Alex!" Isobel said from the doorway making him groan and hold up a finger to shush her, "What the hell are you doing?!"

"Smokin' a joint! Shut the fuck up, woman!" He cried from the side of his mouth making it come out more as a loud mutter while continuing to try and light up the joint. Isobel strode over to him -grabbing the bud from his mouth and throwing it down to stomp out making him grab her wrist and push her back. She gasped as he snarled, "Don't ever touch my shit again, or I'll kill you."

"You're just like your father." She snapped as she yanked her wrist from his grasp and spun on her heels while muttering, "Waste your life away just like that scumbag, see if I care, Alexander. You were a shitty son anyways. Tom should have took you when he left. You don't belong here."

"I don't even know who Tom is!" Alex screamed, "You've been talking about a "Tom" my entire life, but I don't know one goddamn thing about him! Just tell me already!" He shouted but Isobel was already slamming his door. His entire life Isobel had been nagging about this Tom character, but Alex still had no idea who he really was. He figured, if anything, he was a family friend's son, or a cousin maybe, since Isobel had been threatening to send him "off to Tom's" since he was about five.

He could remember, just faintly, another boy visiting them one time. Could that be the infamous Tom? Everything from when he was young was so blurry, though. He always blocked bad memories out, always kept pieces of his childhood locked away, so whenever he tried to unlock them it was near impossible. "Tom" was one of the impossibles, and for some awful reason he was seemingly never going to truly know who he was to him.

He threw the bottle at his door and listened to it crash un-satisfyingly as he put his head in his hands, the hangover taking full effect and causing a huge migraine to form on each of his temples. He groaned as he heard his mother scream from the living room, but he simply ignored it. He heard his phone ring and sighed as he scooped it up and answered with a short, "Hello?"

"Hey, 'Lex." A familiar voice sighed from the other end, "Uh, sorry if it's weird that I'm calling you from Jack's phone."

Alex hadn't even realized he had called from Jack's number until he mentioned it. He looked down at the screen before humming and saying, "No, it's not weird. Uh, Wh-why are you calling?" He asked as he shifted his weight awkwardly. His voice was groggily and scratchy but he didn't care. It was just Joe. He rubbed his eyes and yawned as Joe seemed to hesitate before saying, "I wanted to ask if you wanted to come see Jack with me."

"Sure." Alex said as he scratched his head, "Like when? I can go whenever." He shrugged. He didn't really go to school very often anymore, not since he found out about Jack. Isobel had been pissed about it, but it seemed that Alex didn't give a fuck by the way he had been acting towards her recently. He had been volatile and irritable in his drunken mess. It was probably possible that he was in fact becoming Peter, but for the moment Alex didn't really care.

"How about right now?" Joe asked somewhat unsure. He had been nervous to call, but he couldn't go see his brother alone. He was the only Barakat that hadn't seen Jack in the hospital and he didn't want his parents see him break down if it so happened. "If you can." He added quickly, "We can go tomorrow, though, if you want."

Alex shook his head, "No, no, we can go right now. Uh, could you, like, pick me up?" He asked as he scratched the back of his head. He heard a small, "Yeah." on the other end and then a sigh as Joe said, "So, is the park on Thames good for you?"

"Yeah. That's great. See you in ten." He said before hanging up and grabbing a pair of jeans and attempting to wiggle and jump into them. He figured his old, about two sizes too big Blink shirt that he wore as a pajama shirt would be fine to see Jack although he's been wearing it for about three days now. He pulled on his combat boots over his socked feet and grabbed Danny's coat that the other boy had officially given him.

His phone was stuffed in his pocket as he carefully stepped around the shattered glass and out his bedroom door. He could hear his mother talking into her phone as he made his way through the small hall to the door to see the blonde woman sitting on their couch, complaining to Peter no doubt. She had tears in her eyes, them occasionally rolling down her face, and was sniffling. The boy rolled his eyes because his mother had always been one for dramatics and stepped into the living room and pass her.

"Where are you going?" She asked, her voice a weak mumble as if she got too loud maybe Alex would feel threatened and would beat her like Peter had. He honestly started to feel guilty for snapping at his mother and yelling, but she deserved it. His whole life she's been letting him down -he was just returning the favor.

"Fuck do you care?" Alex growled as he marched to their front door and swung it open, "Never have before." He muttered and slammed the door shut behind him causing the whole house to shake as if just one more slam and it'd collapse. He sighed as he raked a frustrated, stressed hand through his hair before making his short lived journey to the park. It was literally just down the street from his house. He had always gone to the park on Thames when he was younger and had stopped about a year ago because that was about time he started drinking his problems away instead of dealing with them.

The tree house still stood strong in the tree behind the park, all his things that he was determined to get out sooner or later probably still sitting up there, untouched for about thirteen months now. He felt horrible when he thought about the tree house for abandoning it for alcohol and drug. It had been a place to go to for comfort, had kept him safe through nights, had made him feel like a normal kid even for just a few hours. He almost felt like he betrayed it.

Before he knew it he was waiting for Joe much in the same place he had been when he was waiting for Jack when he had been beaten nearly to death. He tried to push the thoughts of that night away, though, because he never wanted to remember it again. All he wanted to remember was how caring Jack was to him, how loving he's always been. He remembered his dream, remembered what words he was about to admit to that doctor subconsciously. He didn't know if he meant them, though.

He had a tendency to think he felt one way, to make himself feel that way, for the sake of everyone else. He'd pretend to be happy for Danny when Danny complained that he was "too depressed" when he was going through things and for some reason as he pretended to be happy he practically became happy. He wondered if he pretended to love Jack for Jack that his mind would think he really did love him.

He saw Joe's car pull up and stop in front of him and walked over to it as he swiped the thoughts of love from his mind. He couldn't love Jack. He didn't know how to love. He was no good for the boy. After all, he had put him in the hospital. He didn't even deserve to go see him.

"Hey." Joe smiled. It was small, almost forced, and Alex wondered how Joe was feeling through all this. His brother was in the hospital, in a coma. If Alex were Joe he'd blame himself, he already did though.

"Hey." Alex mumbled as he buckled himself into the car and sighed, "So, why did you decide to go today?" He asked -knowing Joe hadn't seen Jack yet.

Joe sighed, tapping his thumbs against the steering wheel as he shook his head and said, "I don't know. I really don't know... I was scared to see him at first, y'know? Like... Scared to see him in there, but Mom said something that reminded me that Jack has been there for me since we were kids, and I'm the older brother. I'm the one who's supposed to be there for him... And I haven't been." He started blinking, like he was going to cry, and Alex felt so bad for him and all the guilt he was feeling because Alex felt the guilt too.

"I understand," Alex finally mumbled, "I'm supposed to be his friend and all I did was drive him to hurting himself. I triggered him."

"What do you mean?" Joe asked making Alex sigh as he adverted his eyes to the ground. Joyce had told him not to carry around the guilt he felt for Jack being in the hospital, but it wasn't an easy baggage to drop as simply drinking it away. He felt ashamed that he both told Jack he hated him and practically threw him in the hospital, practically pushed him down the stairs, and not being able to listen to Joyce after everything she must have been through. It was hard to see your son in the hospital, in a coma, and Alex would never be able to imagine how she must have felt.

"He hurt himself because of me." Alex said, "Its all my fault." He shook his head as he let it fall into his hands and felt tears pricking at the back of his eyes.

Joe didn't say anything after that, simply continued to the hospital, because for a moment he almost wanted to put the blame on Alex. Jack had been acting weird ever since him and Alex started to hang out, had talked about how much he loved the boy for days, and all of a sudden he was in the hospital because of him.

It was an awkward silence for the next few hours, awkward and painful. The music played loudly to try and drown out the silence between them, but it was deafening.

"I don't blame you. Jack wouldn't either." Joe finally said as they stopped the car in front of the hospital. Alex looked over at him -whispering out a, "Thank you." as Joe turned to him. They locked eyes for a moment until suddenly Joe was leaning forward and moving to lock lips, but Alex, surprisingly, turned his face away.

Alex was surprised he didn't want to kiss Joe, not that he didn't want to kiss Joe at all, but something made him turn away. Joe looked just as shocked, and embarrassed, as Alex was. He stuttered out an apology and clambered out of the car without waiting for Alex. Alex wanted to comfort him but he had no idea how to do that, of course. He obviously didn't want to kiss anyone or have sex, so he had no real idea what he was supposed to do in anyway.
If he had kissed Joe, though, he would have been betraying Jack. Lately he's felt like he's been betraying him ever since he found out. Every time someone even glanced at him he felt like he was betraying the boy. He felt like he was cheating.

Notes

Hey

Today is Rebecca's birthday

Say Happy Birthday or Jack dies.

<3 <3 <3