Impossibilites

The test was positive. I was pregnant. I was going to be a mom. I was now in way over my head. But I didn’t want to tell Alex yet. I wasn’t ready to face him about it. I knew for a fact he’d be fuming mad at me for wanting to keep it. He was always afraid of losing me. And I knew he didn’t want me to be turned.

But that looked like the only option in the end. Tay had no idea what would happen to a human if she conceived a vampire’s baby. She didn’t even know if I could survive getting to full term. There was nothing in her collection of grimoires about this entire thing.

“This is unnatural,” Tay told me, “Kenzie, this is out of my area of expertise. You have to tell Alex. It’s his baby too. He deserves to what’s happening to you.”

“I can’t,” I told her, fear in my voice, “I am so scared of how he’ll react. I can’t face that.”

“Then tell Tessa and Matt. They can handle him better than you could,” she urged, “Mackenzie, you have to tell someone. You need help.”

“I’ll tell Tessa and Matt,” I told her, “But I’m not letting them tell Alex.”
---
I went back to the bus to find Tessa alone. Which meant Matt, Alex, and the others were off working or hunting off the venue grounds. I sighed and took a seat across from her. She looked up at me and instantly had a concerned look on her face.

“Spill,” she demanded, “I know something’s on your mind.”

“How,” I asked.

“Your heart is racing,” she replied, “Now tell me.”

“Just don’t tell Alex,” I told her, “Promise me you won’t tell him.”

“I promise,” she promised, “Now tell me what’s going on.”

“I’m pregnant,” I told her as I handed her the positive test. Her face twisted in one of horror.

“I can’t keep this from him,” she looked at me and she looked pissed, “Alex has to know. You can’t hide this from him. This will destroy him. You have to get rid of it.”

“No,” I protested, “I want this baby. And I will tell Alex. I just don’t know when.”

“Mackenzie, there is a reason why he’d want you to get rid of it,” she looked at me with concern in her eyes, “It’s not right for humans and vampires to procreate.”

“Why,” I asked her.

“Because of what the baby will do to the mother if she’s human,” she replied, “I won’t tell you what happens. I wasn’t there to watch what happens, but Alex was. He was in this kind of place before. You have to tell him. He’ll tell you what will happen to you.”
---
I didn’t want to tell Alex. I couldn’t tell him. I wasn’t ready to tell him. I knew he was going to be pissed off. But now that he was back on the bus, there was no way for me to keep calm. Every vampire on the bus could tell something was wrong with me, even Alex.

“Kenzie, what’s wrong,” he asked as he held me in his arms.

“Nothing,” I lied, “I’m fine.”

“Can we talk in the back lounge,” he asked.

I just nodded and led the way. I took deep breaths along the way to calm down my heart rate. I was terrified if he figured out I was pregnant. He’d force me to abort it. He was selfish like that. I he wanted me to stay human and be safe. But I wanted a baby. His baby. And if that meant that I had to become a vampire in the end, I would go that route.

“Alright you’re scared of something,” Alex said once we were in the back lounge.

“I’m not scared,” I lied.

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” he looked upset, “Now what’s going on?”

“Nothing is going on, Alex,” I protested, “I’m nervous that my stomach bug hasn’t passed.”

“That’s not it,” he crossed his arms, looking right through me.

“Alex I’m going to fine,” I reassured him, “I’m just fighting a stomach bug.”

Alex sighed and didn’t press me any further. He took me into his arms, and rubbed my back. He kissed my hair a couple times before he started to talk again.

“Please don’t keep anything from me,” he asked of me, “I don’t want you to feel like you’d have to keep things from me. I’m back to normal now. I have every part of my humanity, my emotions, back.”

“I know,” I looked up at him, “Just know that I will tell you anything when I feel that I’m ready.”

“Okay,” Alex kissed me, “Let’s go back into the front with everyone. Maybe we can get you something to eat that’ll stay down.”
---
That night I threw up again. This time, Alex didn’t wake up when I left the bunk to throw up. I flushed the toilet and brushed my teeth. As I went to leave, Matt was blocking my way.

“Tessa told me,” he said simply.

“So you know you have to keep it a secret,” I told him.

“I will,” he replied, “But not for you. I’m doing it for Alex. He deserves to know, but not from his friends. He needs to know about that thing growing in you, but from you. Not us. Don’t lie to my friend. Don’t hide it from him. Tell him tomorrow. Or I will make sure to drop hints to make him guess. Because then he will be mad.”

“I’ll figure out when to tell him,” I told him, “I’m ready to tell him though.”

“Mackenzie, you have to tell him tomorrow,” he urged, “You need to know what’s at stake. He knows exactly what’s at stake.”

“I’ll tell him okay,” I told him, “I’m just so scared of how he’ll react.”

“You’ll never know how he’ll react until you tell him,” he replied.

Notes