Nothing Personal.
Hello again.
So, hello people of this site once again. Today was a terrible day for me, and Ashlee's family.
Sorting through her room.
Our families have been close for ages, so we all got to take part in this together, but we found a lot of interesting things, and a lot of sad things. I found out things from my best friend that I never knew before. But the main point that I am writing again, is because I got so many replies from the last post. I really do appreciate the love you felt for her, and everything. So thank you to every single one of you.
And as to these stories, and this account, I am not quite sure what to do with it.
Ashlee wrote these, and it would feel a bit wrong to just delete everything, wouldn't you say? So I was thinking on some opinions on what to do. I couldn't imagine writing, and finishing them, because believe me when I say I am no writer. I know Ashlee is probably somewhere looking down, or whatever thanking everyone of you too, for the lovely comments. I know it's a sad time, and I'm still grieving every single step of the way. And it is tough losing someone that close to you. In the end though, we did start to drift a little, and that was my biggest regret. She had the warmest heart of anyone I had ever known. She was kind, and a very loving person. But some people didn't treat her right, and I should have stepped up.
I know I wasn't there for her as much as I could have been. Her last few days I had blown her off when she wanted to see me, and then one day I got that call from my mother telling me she had passed away. And so many thoughts go through your mind. Like, this is my fault, if, if, and if.
And believe me when I say I wish it was me instead. She was too young to feel that amount of pain, too young to feel like she didn't belong, and her life was too precious to let go. I know some people say "She is in a better place" But that place isn't down here with me, and her family. She could have been in a better place when she's 80 or something.
At her funeral, her father had come from America to be there for his only daughter. And the tears he shed was absolutely heartbreaking. I couldn't really imagine losing a child if I was a parent.
Sorry about this little rant, or whatever you want to call it. I mainly just had to get this off my chest.
@LongLiveUs - Nobody is really sure about what happened in her mind. I know I wish I was there with her in her last moments. She was very lovely, and very warming. And thank you so much.
@Jagk Skellington - Your comment really means a lot to me<3 I don't really understand fandoms, and such things like this. I really don't understand how you can care so much for a person that you don't even know personally. But I love how it works. No matter how much I may never understand it, I love it so much.
@All Time WTF?! - She was very kindhearted. And I know she probably felt guilty in the moment of her death. She always tried to put other needs before her own, which is why I actually love her so much. If only she could see how many people are actually mourning over her death. (Her father is taking it the hardest) I buy her flowers every weekend so far, and put them on her grave. She was loved. She still is.
And I want to thank everyone, for everything. You guys are so sweet, and thoughtful. No wonder she was always on here. She never really told me about this site until..well you know. But I wish she had sooner. This site is incredible. You all love each other, and it is so beautiful. I thank every single one of you guys thank have supported her stories, and have been there after her passing. Everything means so much. <333
8/15/14