Circles

I waited side stage for my cue this is it. “Hey everyone so I’m lucky to have one a good friend here tonight she is actually over pretty much the last year became one of my best friends I’d like to have her come out do a song she wrote come on back out Shay.” Alex called out I ran out Smiling waving to the crowd.

“I know this isn’t normal for All Time Low to do, but this is a song I needed help from Alex for so let’s get going this is.” I said “Don’t Walk Away.” Alex joined me.

I wish I could erase this all from my brain
Like it had never happened this way
I know you want me to be the one
Who can stand tall
the one who rises when you fall
I’ve work so hard to be that one for you
But in the end we both know it's too good to be true
I hate to say this but our love can never last

*I looked to Jack gave him a sad smile walking away*

But please
Don'tt wallllk awwwwayyyyy
Cause there is nothing here without you
Don't walk away
Tho there is nothing left to say
without you
my heart it can't take no more
now that you've walked out that door
Don't talk away
I am nothing here without you

*I was stunned not only to hear Alex singing, but instead of Zack doing back up Jack took over*

Do you even know what this is doing to me
I can't just keep holding on waiting for you to come around

*I stayed still frozen seeing Jack singing this looking right at me as Alex started to fade off*

Your leaving me without a choice
Did you even care
Did you even want me in the first place

*I looked to Alex as if asking him what the hell he just shrugged and kept playing as I started to tear up heading into the bridge*

I just kept running this same routine
holding on to things that will never last
What's the point
what's the use
Why do I keep tryi_ng____
When there nothing left for me. He___re anymore anymoreeeee
Don'tt wallllk awwwwayyyyy *Jack joined Alex again*
Cause there is nothing here without you
Don't walk away
there is nothing left to say *Jack sang on his own causing me to walk over to him*
without you
my heart it can't take no more
now that you've walked out that door
Don't talk away
I am nothing here without you *we finished harmonizing all three of us with Jack and I staring each other down before walking to hug Alex*


“The talented Shaden Heart everyone, and well I guess Jack ” He said. Letting me go “Thank you Alex and Jack for helping me out. ” I said leaving the stage waving as I passed Jack I glared.



Outside the buses 2 hours later

Jack’s P.O.V.

I headed out of the venue after goofing off with Shyanna for about an hour. This is fucking bullshit that I have to walk away from what I want again like what will it fucking take to get her to open her eyes do I literally have to go fuck off. I thought as I walked towards the bus where everyone was getting ready to leave this isn’t fucking fair I thought kicking the stone near my foot.
“Hey man come on hurry up we need to say bye and get going.” Alex called.
“I’m coming over there now just hang on Lex.” I called back walking over. Here goes nothing again. “Alright I’m here. Where is Shay and Shy?” I asked. “We are waiting on them” Rian said.

Shaden’s P.O.V.

I pulled out my cell seeing it was time to say good bye to the boys I’m going to miss those crazy bastards a lot because I won’t be seeing them for pretty much ever hell I am going to miss Cass too. As I got to the bus I saw everyone waiting “Sorry to keep everyone waiting.” “It’s fine Shay” Matt said pulling me in (I know Matt is gone, but nothing feels right without him in it) “I’m gonna miss you Minnie a lot who will keep me sane now?” He said laughing I love Minnie Mouse so he calls me Minnie now and I call him Mickey. “I know Mickey, but I know you won’t be touring with the boys now, but you always got my number so ring me anytime, and if I am in the area I will visit you.” I said hugging him tight. “Remember what I told you Matt.” Shy said joining our hug. “Yea I do.” He said squeezing us both. “Rian.” I yelled jumping on him. “Guess this is where we say bye to each other, but Shay I don’t say bye I say later.” He said hugging me tight. “I know Rian I will text you guys when we get back to Canada, and I will see you, and Cass in a few months for the visit I promised.” I said letting go. “Shay I know I haven’t known you too long, but Skype me later sweetheart.” Cass said pulling me in for a hug. “I will Cass I promise hell later I will even bug Rian to give me your number plus you see me in 3 months when I make my trip to see BVB.” I said pulling away. “I know, but still you take care” She said grabbing Rian’s hand heading in the bus with Matt.

“I’m next” Zack said moving to the front as Shy went to hug Jack and Alex. “I’m gonna miss you a lot Mr. Muscles.” I said hugging him. “I’ll miss you too Shay, but I’ll come visit Rian when your down, or go visit you see yea soon kiddo.” He said hugging me back before pulling away messing my hair. He walked over to Shy gave her a hug then headed in. “Shay
I am going to go get ready for bed bus call is in 20 see you soon.” She said walking back to the bus. “Lex I think I am going to miss you the most.” I said starting to tear up Alex has become like my older brother he’s held me so many times when I cried come running when I needed him even with him over a seven and a half hour drive away I’ve made the drive once to see him, and well met Lisa. He is basically family to me. “I know Shay I will admit this you’re like the little sister got to have. Look at me Shay things will work you will take off make it big do your own thing from here on out I won’t be able to look after you so much anymore. I know I shouldn’t talk on maturity, but what you did yesterday wasn’t mature in the slightest I know you talked to me about it earlier, but still please just think before you do things, We are scared for you, and love you very much.” He said kissing my head before pulling away patting Jack on the back before heading in leaving me alone with Jack.

“Shay before you come any closer I have to ask was everything a game to you because this isn’t fucking fair to me you finally tell me you love me then you fuck off, don’t want us what kind of game is that?” He questioned. Fuck I knew this wouldn’t be easy as my eyes filled with tears I looked at him how could he think this is a game. “Jack it isn’t a game never has been I said this we are poison to each other we only kill each other we can’t fucking be together if we are like this look what happens when we fight all three major times look where it lead look how aggressive we were get it through your head yes I love you alright I fucking believe in it, but we can’t. Did my songs not explain anything to you tonight? Jack this is good bye alright I don’t want to, but it has to no ifs, ands, or buts here its done there won’t be an us. We have been so back and forward since summer we like each other we hate each other we are falling then hate each other we love, but at the same time hate each other plus what you did on stage just fuck you why would you do that to me?” I said in one breath.

“so to you none of this is a game it feels like it you only reel me in when you think it’s appropriate, so go be a rock star follow your dreams because along the way you lost someone does that feel good to lose another person you love you say they leave you well maybe its you who leaves them first they just stay away because they don’t want the run around of you want me now you don’t! I will probably have a fucking hard time getting over this, but Shay I’m the one leaving you realistically because your going to see everyone else, but me that’s fair. Nope not one bit I’m done Shay have a nice life go play your games with Jake, and I was just playing your game back, but I was serious on that song its about me, and I know it.” He said. “Wait you know about Jake liking me?”
“I know about it all Shay I heard every word in that bathroom that night you liked us both, but you told him to stay with Ella because she is a better choice I know there is something going on there you’d be blind to miss it go be with him or yet Mike, Austin, hell even CC because you are so chummy with them.” He said bitterly. “Jack Austin is a close friend. CC is like my nutty best friend, and well Mike I don’t know what we stand as alright it was a fucking drunk hook up like ours alright hello you fucking get high as a kite, and drunk plus have a few smokes in that mix and your off your ass so a drunk hook up means shit all so what if I hooked up with him or even Alan those were accidents hell I don’t know if I even did anything with Alan because we were both collapsed on each other half naked when we woke up.” I said I realized what I had just said fuck , and Alan are going to kill me they were supposed to be a secret. “I knew it go play with someone else’s heart Shay because I know you know how it feels to be hurt, but do you know the shame of hurting someone else?” he questioned me coyly. “Oh wait you don’t because your just another band whore who used people to get to the top. Can’t believe I fell in love with you. He grumbled climbing on the bus “We can go now.” He yelled as he slammed the door with the engen starting up I watched as they pulled away I fell to my knee’s crying I got up after a few moments after the bus disappeared. I headed straight for my bunk where I kept my choice of weapons. I made sure the coast was clear before heading into the bathroom opening the schnapps as I started the shower up so they would think I am taking a shower. I took a long hard drink of the Schnapps pulling the small razor out of my bra looking down at my old friend I haven’t used in like 5 months now. I unzipped my dress pulling it down moving it away so I wouldn’t get blood on it I took another long drink of my Schnapps letting the spices burn my throat as I took the razor back in my hand looking in the mirror at myself seeing how thin I had gotten Jack was right I looked so thin. Jack why did I have to open my mouth Alan is going to be mad. Same with Mikey fuck I am so stupid I looked at it again before moving it to my thigh knowing well no one is going to see them there I ran the razor against the tight shuddering before digging it in running it over the spot a second time “Fuck” I cursed forgetting how bad it stings at first I grabbed the bottle taking another drink before adding another god I hate to say it, but I missed this.

I ran the blade over another spot hitting an old scar I hissed at the pain. Realizing I hadn’t locked the door. I moved over to lock the door as it was swung open to my sister standing there looking at me shocked. She pushed me back rushing in locking the door. “Shay what is wrong with you what would make you do this I knew I shouldn’t have left you alone.” She said grabbing the gauze, medical tape, and peroxide. “Shay why did you do this.” I just stayed silent grabbing the bottle drinking a bit more. “No you don’t need this not tonight, and I am taking this away.” She said taking both the razor, and bottle away as she worked on my cuts. “okay done it doesn’t look to bad any deeper, and we may have had to make a hospital trip.” She said putting everything away. I still didn’t say anything not trusting my mouth. “Let’s go to bed we are both sleeping in my bunk because tomorrow I am checking yours for anything that you can use. We also have to talk about all that happened over the last 4 days.” She said before unlocking the door. I just nodded in response finally slightly crying a bit silently crawling in her bunk laying on her. I can’t believe I broke.


Jack’s P.O.V.

I went straight to the back lounge slamming the door. As I went to sit down I watched us pulling away as I caught Shay falling to the ground holding her head running her fingers through her hair almost pulling at it shaking at least she knows how I feel now. I honestly feel like a part of me got left on that spot tonight because she just ripped my heart out she slept with two of my friends then said our hook up was just the same, even tho she confessed she loved me she is such a whore, but I still couldn’t keep my eyes of the woman crying over what I had said as she got smaller, and smaller till I couldn’t see her anymore, but I still stood there for I am not sure how long.

“Hey Jack you alright?” Alex said I didn’t even hear him come in. “Yea sorry man I was out of it I didn’t hear you come in.” “Its cool man I heard your argument a bit she may over done those and may have wanted you too part ways, but I have to agree you two as much as I want you two together she has a point I’ve only see you guys fight, but when you are away from each other you become more and more dull and life less you need each other man, but she isn’t ready give it time let her settle.” He said not knowing the full thing I guess. “Dude did you even hear her she, and Mike hooked up she doesn’t know if she, and Alan hooked up like what the hell two of my close friends she has been getting high too like man she needs help she also plays this back and forward game with Jake and I how is this fair sorry man I may love her, but this isn’t fucking worth it anymore, I know I am going to have a hard time getting over her I may not, but its over I Don’t want to see her ever again sorry. That’s the end of it Lex I am going to bed. Night man” I said moving around him heading straight for my bunk. I dragged my curtain open laying down staring at the ceiling for who knows how long with my thoughts only drifting to the image of the broken girl on her knee’s shaking crying raking her fingers through her hair roughly as we were pulling away I wish I didn’t see that. Even after all is said and done I still love her, but for now it will have to be the fake hate game its only way she will get what she wants and I get over her.

Notes