Positive or negative, positive or negative, never has time gone by so slowly.
We are in Boston waiting for our layover flight back from Bali to Arizona for work. The last few days of our trip consisted of me basically holed up in bed from this weird stomach bug. I thought it was just a case of traveller’s diarrhea and it would go away once I got American food in my stomach. Boy was I wrong. The flight from Bali to Boston was awful for me. I was nauseous the ENTIRE time. Once we landed in the United States and were able to turn our phones back on I realized something. I have this notification on my phone, it lets me know when my period is late; that is if I remember to put my last start date into it. Well when my phone got reception that notification went off with full force. This is when I realized I had not had any sign of my period to this date.

“Fuck,” I say semi loud. Of course Kate doesn’t even stir from the chair she is snoring in currently. I softly but quickly get up from the chair next to Kate and head to the mini mart type of store in the concourse. Until this moment I never knew there were so many choices when it came to “the test”. I look in my wallet to see how much cash I have on me, I don’t want a permanent record of this purchase after all. I see I have $20 so I grab the first one I see and head towards the salty foods sold in the store.

Me craving a salty snack is really out of the ordinary. In fact just the thought of salt makes me want to vomit normally. I don’t know what it is about today but all I want to eat are salty chips and pretzels. Luckily this place sells plenty of these foods. I grab a couple bags, thinking maybe Kate will want some when she wakes up, and a big bottle of water, then head to the register. Once out of the store I find the nearest bathroom to get this thing started.

The test I bought came in a three pack. Not that I will need all of those. Especially since I know it can’t be positive, it just can’t. Luckily I already had to pee when I got to the bathroom so I don’t need the water I bought. Here goes nothing. I lock myself in the nearest stall and follow the directions of the test. After I am through I finish my business and head out of the stall. Little did I know, Kate saw me b line it towards the bathroom and followed me in. When I open the door to come out and wait for the allotted time to process I run straight into my best friend.

“Are you okay Em? You ran in here like you’re ill,” Kate asks curiously.

“Yeah I’m fine Kate. Just did not want to pee my pants,” I reply with a fake smile. Well played Emme, well played.

“What’s this in your hand?” Oh shit I forgot I was holding the test. “Emme is this a pregnancy test?” She looks shocked.

“No why would you think this was a pregnancy test?” I try to play it off.

“Because I know what they look like and you have the box in your bag Em. Are you pregnant?”
She can see the defeated look in my eyes and walks with me to the nearest seating area, where usually nursing mom’s sit, “tell me Em, do you think you are pregnant?”

That is when I set the test down, look at her and shrug. “I don’t know Kate, I really hope not. I am in no shape to be raising a child by myself.” I begin pacing, “but I am craving only salty foods and a ton of water, have had an upset stomach for like a week straight, and my period is 10 days late.”

The alarm to tell me the test had developed then went off. You could feel the tension in the room. Kate then blurts out, “just look at the damn thing already Em!”

I look at the test and I see 2 lines. I want to faint. I must be seeing things. Zack and I were always so careful. I’m not ready to be a mom and he is sure as hell not ready to have a baby mama.

“T-t-t-two lines,” I say with tears in my eyes. “Why does there have to be two lines?” By this time the tears are beginning to flow down my face.

After about 15 minutes I compose myself. We sit there in silence. We still have a 5 hour flight to think about the events that had just conspired.

“Are you going to tell him Emme?”

“How do you suggest I do that Kate?” I say as I look over at her defeated, “ I don’t have his number or email anymore. He wanted a clean break.”

“I don’t know,”she replies with a sigh, “don’t they have a west coast show coming up while we are in that area?” I nod. “Why don’t you call Jack or something and talk to him over lunch or something then?”

“I guess that will have to do,” I say as I pull out my phone and begin a text to one of my best guy friends, well that is what he was before Zack and I broke it off.

Hey Jack Jack. I see we are in the same area in a few days. I miss our talks. Want to meet at Lipto’s Pub for lunch?
He of course replies almost immediately.

Yay I am so excited. See you at noon at the pub on Friday! I miss you best friend!!!!
Well here goes nothing. You have to face your fears to conquer them, right? God please help me get through this pregnancy.

Notes

Emme is coming home

Well folks! I hope you like the beginning of this thing :)

Let me know of any suggestions