My Only One (Jalex)

Alex's POV:

My alarm woke both Jack and I at 6am. Jack groaned from beside me and pulled the covers up to his chin. I looked down at the younger boy lying next to me. His cheeks were red, his nose slightly red too. He had his eyes screwed tight shut and his hands were clutching the covers below his chin.
"Jay, are you feeling alright? You look like shit."
"No, I'm cold."
I felt his forehead with the back of my hand. It was hot and clammy, a thin layer of sweat covered his skin.
"You're fucking boiling, Jay."
Jack opened his eyes and met mine, his jaw dropping slightly.
"Have you seen yourself, Lex?"
"Well, um, no."
I threw the covers off me and walked over to the mirror, my legs feeling a little weak.
"Shit."
My face was red and blotchy, my eyes were puffy, their puffiness being exaggerated by the dark circles underneath them.
"I look worse than you do, Jay. Why are we both ill? Giving blow jobs can't make you ill, can they?"
Jack stifled back a laugh, propping himself up on his elbows so he could look at me.
"I'm not sure. I don't think so but, then again, I've never actually given head to anyone."
"Me neither...maybe we ate something?"
"I don't care what the cause is though, Lex. We're both ill and there's no way that either of us is leaving this house in the states that we're in."
"Good point. I'll ring in sick and you just text the office. Cuddle day in bed sound good?"
"Cuddle day in bed sounds great, Lex."
I walked over to the chest of drawers and grabbed two clean pairs of boxers, throwing on a Jack: we were both still naked after last night. Jack wriggled into the boxers whilst still under the covers whilst I put them on like any normal person, almost falling flat on my face in the process though. I joined Jack back in bed and grabbed my phone from the bedside table. I rang Mr Merrick explaining that I was ill and I wouldn't be coming in today whilst Jack texted the school. I placed my phone back on the table and slid down the bed so I was lying level with Jack. I snaked my arm around him and pulled him into me, nuzzling my nose in his neck.
"Come on, Jay. Let's get some more sleep."

-

It was midday when I next woke up. I heard a door shut across the hall and discovered an empty bed next to me. I got up and walked out of my room, the cold air of the hallway hitting my almost naked body. I knocked on the bathroom door.
"Jay, you okay in there?"
"The door's open."
I walked in the bathroom hesitantly. Jack didn't sound like he was any more ill than he was this morning but I didn't want t walk in on him throwing his guts up. To my relief, Jack was standing hunched over the sink, splashing cold water onto his face.
"How are you feeling?"
"Better. I needed to pee so, yeah."
I chuckled, pulling Jack against my chest for a hug. I planted a kiss to his significantly cooler forehead.
"You look better, Jay. You're not as red and you're certainly a lot cooler."
"You look better too, Lex. You don't look as flushed."
"I'm guessing that's good. I'm hungry though."
"Me too..."
"I'll meet you in the kitchen in a few, yeah?"
Jack nodded before exiting the bathroom and heading down the stairs.

I met Jack downstairs, handing him a t-shirt that I picked up on the way down for him.
"Pancakes?"
"Yup...Is this what it's going to be like if we lived together?"
"what do you mean?"
"Like, would we both come downstairs when we wake up in just boxers and a shirt and cook food together?"
"If that's how you want it to be, then yes."
"Good. I like it this way."
Silence feel over us as we both got to work on the simple batter.

We ended up with a huge stack of pancakes once we'd used all of the batter and since we were both hungry, we devoured the entire lot. We sat at the breakfast bar in my kitchen, our fingers interlinked.
"Thank you."
"What for, Jay?"
"For everything. For helping me, for being there for me when I needed someone so desperately. For risking everything for me and for making me a lot happier. You saved me, Lex."
I was quite taken aback by Jack's admission. I knew that I had helped him a little but I never once thought that I'd gone as far as saving him. It made me insanely happy though. I was glad that I had helped him because, despite all the shit that's gone on in my life recently, I'm sure as hell the happiest I've ever been.
"You don't need to thank me, Jay. I didn't do it for thanks."
"Why did you do it then?"
"Because I saw myself in you, I've already told you that but whatever. I wanted to help you. But it wasn't just that. I saw you on the first day walking to school. I was fascinated and I felt like I had to get to know you. I wanted to know everything about you and I'm so glad that you've given me that opportunity. I know we've overstepped the mark regarding our positions in society but I don't care. I'm just so glad that you gave me a chance and I'm so fucking happy that I've helped you feel happier again. But I didn't save you, Jay. You saved yourself, I just assisted."
Jack squeezed my hand, obviously not knowing what to say but I was okay with that: I would've have been able to say anything either. I suddenly realised that Jack had tears gently rolling down his face. I scooted off my stool and engulfed him in a hug.
"Why are you crying, Jay? Did I say something that upset you?"
"No, no. They're happy tears, Lex. I'm so happy because I've finally found the perfect person for me. It's just...I'm dating the fucking head teacher of my school! But I don't care either."
Jack pressed him lips to mine gently. Our lips moved in sync but it wasn't heated at all. It was a kill filled with only raw emotion.

Jack pulled away first, both of us a little short of breath. I saw Jack's eyes glance down at my exposed thighs. He bit his lip, something he only does when he's contemplating something.
"You wanna know about my thighs, don't you?"
"Yeah...I mean, you don't have to tell me but it's just...I'm curious."
"It's okay. It'll be good to get it out in the open anyway. But not here, let's go into the lounge where it's more comfortable."
I grabbed Jack's hand with mine, our fingers slotting together without us even having to think about it. I led him over to the sofa and pulled him down onto the cushions with me.
"Where do you want me to start?"
"The beginning might help."
"Right. So, I told you about my panic attacks, right?"
"Yeah, but not in great detail."
"Okay, it started when I was around eleven or twelve when I was still in Essex. I knew that I wasn't straight and I guess I was okay with that. I mean, I was kind of disappointed in myself because I always used to dream of having my own kids one day and having my own little family and I though that just because I preferred guys I couldn't have that. I was angry with myself for not being straight, for not being, what I deemed at the time, a 'proper man'. I hated myself. But that wasn't all of it. I eventually came to terms with it, it didn't take long to be honest, but I was worried about others finding out. Where I lived, the people weren't very accepting of gay people. The area wasn't rough, it was far from it, but there were still people being beaten within an inch of their lives for being gay or lesbian, even bisexual. I was paranoid and that's when the panic attacks started. Every time I heard someone talk about gay people or anything of that ilk, I immediately thought that they were talking about me. My heart would start racing and the next thing I knew, the world was turning black and my knees were giving way from underneath me. I got so angry at myself for not being able to cope, I just took it out on myself. It started with pinching or slapping but I wanted more. I'd only scratch my thighs with my nails but then it progressed to cutting. At first it was a sharpener blade, then a razor blade and then a pocket knife. I shut myself off from everyone. I hid in my room and I only came out if it was completely necessary. My mom got worried so she started to go through my stuff whilst I was at school or if I was asleep. She eventually found my diary that I wrote everything in, including a massive four page confession of my sexuality. That discovery led to the finding of my blades and all the other paraphernalia that went with them, towels and band-aids etc. She was okay with my being gay, she'd had her suspicious anyway and she helped me get out of the state I was in. It was hard, I'm not going to lie. My mom had enough and pulled me out of school whilst we sorted out the stuff to move over here. I'm glad we did now. I've been much happier since we moved. My dad still doesn't know that I'm gay though. Mom and I thought that it would be best to keep it from him: he's never really been supportive of homosexuality..."
I trailed off, realising that I was now crying. Jack wrapped his arms around me and held me whilst I cried. Silent tears turned into sobbing rather quickly.
"My d-dad hasn't said that h-he loves me since I g-graduated at eighteen. He always l-loved Dan more. My mom was al-always there for me though."
"I want to meet your mom, Alex. I want to thank her for doing such an amazing job at keeping my favourite human being safe."
I sobbed even harder into Jack's chest, my hands clutching onto the fabric of the shirt he was wearing.

My sobbing had died down significantly, only the occasional sniffle escaping now. Jack and I were lying on the sofa, our legs tangled together, a blanket thrown across our bodies. I was feeling slightly better, but not much. Jack seemed a little better, his red cheeks had diminished to a pink hue. His nose was still a little red though. I took a minute to think about Jack whilst he was engrossed in the movie that was playing on the TV. I'd never felt the way I felt about Jack about any other person. I knew I loved him and I wanted to say it to him so he knew how I truly felt but I wasn't sure if he felt the same way. I didn't want to move our relationship on too much either. We weren't taking it particularity slow but we weren't racing into it either. I guess we were taking it at the pace that we were both comfortable with and I liked it that way. He'd mentioned our future earlier too. He'd asked about how it'd be like when we moved in together. All the sings were there but I was just too cowardly to tell him. I need to though: I feel that if I don't he'll just think that I'm using him and he'll leave me. I had to tell him and it had to be soon.

The film had finished long ago and we were both now cuddle up in my bed, a rock music channel filling the silence in the room. Metallica's 'Nothing Else Matters' was currently being shown and it got me thinking. Nothing else really did matter, as long as I had Jack beside me. He was my rock and it seemed that nothing could phase me if he was stood next to me.
"What are you thinking about, Lex? Your tongue is sticking out the side of your mouth."
"Us. How nothing else matters to me as long as I have you."
Jack smiled, the smile reaching his eyes too. He then bit his lip, telling me silently not to say anything because he was thinking.
"Fuck it, I'm just going to come out and say it."
"Alexander William Gaskarth, I fucking lo-"
I cut him off with a kiss to the lips, we continued to kiss for a minute or two before I pulled away. I held his face in my hands, both palms cupping his cheeks, forcing him to look at me.
"I wanna say it first. I love you, Jack. I love you with my entire heart and nothing else matters to me."
"I love you too, Lex. But, please, enough with quoting Metallica."
"Shut up and kiss me...now."
Jack complied, our lips slotting together like they were made for each other. I felt happier than I had ever done. I told the guy I loved how I truly felt and that felt amazing. I'd told him about the darkest time in my life and we didn't run. Instead, he held me as I cried and made sure I was okay again. He truly was perfect and I'd be damned if I ever let him go.

Notes

Hey,

I'm getting back into the swing of things now.

Please let me know what you think. I'm not really feeling the love for this fic. Like, I can't feel myself actually loving writing this in the same way I used to with Sick Little Games. Don't get me wrong, the response I've had has been great but I guess I'm just not enjoying this fic as much as I'd hoped. I hope that soon changes though because I will finish this. I hate it when people leave fics unfinished and I'll be damned if I become one of them.

Please keep voting, subscribing and commenting because it makes me happy and it's always nice to hear what you guys think.
Em x