We drive about an hour in silence and it is not a comfortable one. I glance over carefully to Tony from time to time and his face is still hard and he seems deep in thought like he is fighting an internal battle.

As he had more or less told me to shut up I don't attempt to start a conversation but just get lost in my own thoughts and that makes me even sadder.
I sit beside the man I love, the man who I have been craving to touch and kiss for so long and I managed to make him hate me.

Maybe it was wrong not to talk to him about my problems but doesn't he understand it was because I don't want to be a burden that I am worried about his career, that I care more about him than about myself?

I really don't know where I get all these fluids from but my tears start to stream down my cheeks again and I silently cry holding my face down so Tony doesn't notice.

Suddenly he slams his hand on the steering wheel with a groan and pulls the car off the road where there is a small resting area and stops the engine.

I freeze in shock because I fear the worst, will he start screaming at me, will he throw me out of the car? I look at him with wide eyes but he gets out of the car averting his gaze.

He walks round and opens my door, he picks Mayhem from my lap and puts him down then he takes my hand surprisingly gentle and pulls me out of the seat. When I get out he slams the door shut and presses me against the side of the car. He pulls himself close to me and holds my head against his chest while he buries his face in my hair. He makes a noise that sounds like a sob when our bodies touch and I feel the heat radiating from his skin. My hands are balled into his shirt and I hold on to him, melting into the embrace.

"Oh my god, Gi. I can't stay mad at you, I have missed you so much, I need to feel you close, to hold you, to kiss you. Please don't leave me. You are all I want. I will do anything to make you happy again. I haven't seen your smile in so long." Finally he pulls his head back so that he can look into my face and he wipes away my tears with his thumb. He lowers his head slowly and comes closer, his gaze on my lips and I close the distance between us as we kiss like it was our first time. Shy and slow and full of fear.

Our lips move in perfect harmony and our tongues dance exploring each other slowly. Tony moans into the kiss and presses his lower half against me. I draw in my breath on the contact but don't break the kiss. My hand finds his hair and I pull his head even closer to me.
When we finally end the kiss I hold his face and look deep into his eyes. "Tony, I love you so much. I will not leave you. I am sorry I didn't tell you about my fears. It was to protect you not to deceive you. Please don't be mad at me I need you so much." I smile for the first time in what seems like ages.

He places another small kiss on my lips and smiles back and I see his face light up. He takes my hand and pulls me to a small diner by the side of the road. "Come Gi! let's get something to eat! I'm starving and we can sit down and talk."

We sit down in an empty booth and the waitress takes our orders and leaves us alone. Tony takes my injured hand in his carefully and looks at me with a sad face. "Why did you do this? Why do you hurt yourself? It hurts me to see you like this, I want to make it better."

I squeeze his hand a little bit and look down at the table. "I was mad at myself because I hurt you and I deserved to feel pain as well."

He looks shocked at first then he softly places kisses onto each of my fingers. "No, Gi, you deserve to be happy, you deserve to be loved and I want to be that person, I want to look after you, to care for you and to keep you safe although I failed to do so. I cannot forgive myself for not having been able to prevent these things happening to you."

"Tony you couldn't have stopped this and it doesn't matter now, I just want to get better, to stop being afraid, I am only good when I am together with you. I didn't want to tell you because now you feel the need to take me on tour and I don't think the guys will be happy about this." I get up and walk around the table and sit on his lap because I need to feel him close. He holds me tight and rests his head in the crook of my neck slowly breathing.

"If they want to have a guitar player on this tour, they will have to deal with it." He tells me sounding stubborn and I sigh and put my arms around him again. "Oh Tony, I hope you're right."

When our orders arrive we share each plate and Tony keeps feeding me even though I protest and keep my mouth shut. So we make a huge mess and spill our food onto ourselves and all over the table and giggle and joke. Oh God, I have missed this so much. Mayhem sits under the table and licks up the bits that fell to the floor. Tony suddenly stops and takes my face in his hands looking into my eyes.

"Gi, I love you so much, you make me so happy." I smile and take my fork and pick up the last bit of chocolate cake and put it up to Tony's mouth, he shuts his mouth and shakes his head smiling. I take the bite myself and lean in to kiss him and that way we share even the last piece. "Tony, I love you more." I say hugging him. "And I will drive now, you need a rest, Babe."

Notes

Awwwww. What do you guys think?