I am up early because I couldn't sleep anymore and get out of the bus without waking anyone. I need some time alone to regain my balance and find my strength again. I walk up to main stage from which I have a good view over the whole venue and sit down letting my feet dangle over the edge. My mind begins to wander.

This whole tour has been one of the worst for me, all the events that happened had shown me that things weren't like they supposed to be. I was making the wrong choices, trusting the wrong people. I felt lost and lonely and also a little sorry for myself. Yeah, I think it's okay to do so, once in a while.

I see a familiar figure walk across the still nearly empty venue and just watch him come closer until he notices me and turns into my direction. He climbs up on stage and sits beside me throwing an arm around me.
"Hey Gi-babe. You look like shit." Ben greets me kissing my cheek.
"Hey Benster, you too. That's the first time I've seen you up this early. What's happening?" I smile.

"I stayed up all night, I was about to go to sleep when I saw you ugly duckling sitting here all alone." He ruffles my hair that is already a mess and studies my face intently. "Hey, although we're not together anymore, I still care for you, I hope you know that. I don't like to see you so sad. Is there anything I can do?" These are the rare moments where Ben is a real darling and I hug him around his waist and shake my head.
"No, Ben, there is nothing you can do, but thanks anyways. Now go to bed, you need your beauty sleep." I joke.

He just gets up and walks away without another word which I think is weird, but Ben is weird. Then he turns around comes running back to me and wrestles me to the floor pinning me down and making blowfishes to my exposed stomach. This leaves me shrieking and kicking like mad because it tickles so much, I can't stop laughing. Finally he releases me and sits up looking very pleased with himself.
"See I can make you happy."

"Aww, Ben you're cute." He normally hates when I say that but today he just sighs and tells me.

"Fuck, Gi, I sometimes miss you, stupid bitch." So then he says goodbye for real with an inappropriate tongue kiss, but it's Ben, what do you expect. I can only shake my head smiling and push him away.

A few seconds later he comes running back. "Wait a minute!" He pulls up my shirt further and looks at the little cuts that criss cross over my torso.
"What's that? Who did this? Fuck Gi, tell me! I'm gonna fucking kill this bastard." He shouts angrily, shaking me by my shoulders to get answers. Then he jumps up without waiting for my reply and starts kicking and punching the speakers to get rid of his anger, uttering the wildest curses.
I get up and try to stop him by clutching to his shoulder but he shakes me off and I can see his knuckles getting bloody already.
I try again and now I can turn him towards me and see tears running down his face. I hold his wrists to keep him still. "Stop, Ben, it's okay, it's not that bad, stop hurting yourself, you need your hands for playing for Christ sake!"

"Who did this." Is all he wants to know. Oh god, he will not give up until I tell him. I take a deep breath.

"It was the guy that sent those notes, I will not tell you who he is. We have been together once and he saw me here again. He was drugged and he didn't mean to do this. So please let it be."

"You are actually covering for this asshole? Are you for real? I'm gonna rip out his heart and make him swallow it." He is still fuming and his eyes sparkle with aggression.
I am genuinely surprised by Bens behaviour, I had no idea he cared so much. So I hug him and pull his head down for a soft kiss.
"Hey, Brooster" I smile using his nickname and my voice is soft with emotions for this reckless kid. "Thanks for caring. I feel honoured."

He engulfs me in a huge hug and rests his head on top of mine, swaying us slightly and we stand there on the main stage as the morning sun rises over the trees in the distance illuminating us in golden light.
"I'm sometimes sorry we didn't work out and I still like you a fucking lot, you're the only of my ex's I actually stayed friends with. And I hate to see you get hurt." He hides his face in my hair mumbling.

I start to think, maybe I am ungrateful, I do have friends, I am not alone, people actually care about me and even if I sometimes make the wrong choices and stumble and fall, there had always been somebody here to pick me up.

Notes

Aww, Ben!