Dear María

“Fuck” Jack groaned next to me with his sexy morning voice.
I opened my eyes and looked up at him, since I was right against his chest, I guess he held me close last night when I fell asleep.
I felt so damn guilty and like a failure for what happened yesterday, like, who the hell fails with a gun? Just tell me, who? I might admit that a growing part of me was relieved it didn’t work, just the moment Jack pulled me into a hug and carried me to out bed, making sure I was okay, but I still didn’t understand why he was with me, let alone love me, but all of those questions went away when he touched me, it didn’t have to be intentional, just his touch made me feel something, and that made me sick and scared. Not his touch, but feeling things, I’ve been feeling so empty since he left last tour and now it was like an explosion of feelings again.
I looked at Jack’s pain-stained face and sat up.
“What’s wrong baby?” I smiled weakly at him, leaning carefully on him as he rolled on his back.
“My. Legs.” he pouted, I couldn’t help but giggle.
“Hold on” I pecked his lips and jumped off bed, going to the bathroom and getting aspirin. I went downstairs to grab a cup and poured some water in it. I turned around to head upstairs when I saw Jack leaning against the doorframe with a smug smile on his lips.
“Thankyou, beautiful” he walked up to me and kissed my forehead, taking the aspirin and the cup in his hands and swallowed it with water.
I observed him with a small shy smile. When he swallowed it all he put the cup down ont he counter and looked at me. Something changed in his stare, normally he held so much love and adoration, but it felt like it also held something else I couldn’t exactly put my finger on. Was it... fear?
“I love you” he whispered before pressing his lips against mine, one of his hands on my back and the other one cupping my face, my stomach doing strange things and making me feel like I was in cloud nine.
“I love you too” I whispered back when we pulled away.
I turned away to start to prepare myself some breakfast, first serving Jack some pancakes we left yesterday and I grabbed some cereals for myself.
“I don’t wanna lose you” he said, out of the blue, when we finished eating and hugged me, pressing my body closer to his.
“Jack, I’m not going try to off myself again” Was I even being honest?
He gave me a look.
“Promise?” he raised an eyebrow.
“I promise” I replied, pecking his lips and giving him a reassuring smile.
Haha.
What’s so funny?
Nothing. I just find it hilarious you just made a promise you don’t know you can keep.
I know I can, if I try.
In your dreams, Mussons.
What does that even mean?
It means you and I know you aren’t capable of trying not to off yourself.
Why ?
Pfft, because you can’t control your sudden impulses.
I can if I-
Oh, please, don’t bullshit me! We both know you are too weak.
Well, thanks.
And even if you succeed controlling your suicidal impulses, you wouldn’t handle the selfharming ones.
Oh, internal conversations, so peaceful and lovely they made you want to put a gun to your head, ha ha. Alright, that was a very bad joke.
I didn’t even realise I’d zoned out and had tears welling up in my eyes.
“María?” Jack shook me slightly and I looked up at him, shaking my head softly.
“I’m fine, just-“ I waved my hand, but Jack didn’t listen to me and hugged me.
“I wasn’t lying when I said I’ll be there for you” he said softly, “And neither was I when I said I love you”
I liked that, he didn’t say ‘when I said I loved you’, but said it present tense. It made me feel special and, well, loved. I gave him a small smile.
“I love it when you smile” he put his hands on each side of my neck, his thumbs caressing my skin. I blushed and chuckled softly, burying my face in his chest.
“I love you, Jacky” I inhaled against his bare chest, my finger tips tracing his Jack Skelligton tattoo.
“I know you do” he smiled, “Why were you about to cry earlier?”
“I-I… It’s not important…” I trailed off.
“It is, tell me” he pulled away and looked at me straight into my eyes.
“I…” I looked away and bit my lip. I couldn’t lie to him now, he knew me too much. “My head… I think I’m hearing voices” Alright, that sounded better in my head, now I sounded like a retard, “I think I’m going crazy” I let some tears fall from my eyes.
I saw Jack frown and his lips form a perfect straight line from the corner of my eyes, as I was looking anywhere but his eyes. He pulled me into another hug and kissed my hair.
“You’re not crazy, babe” he said softly. “You just need to be saved from yourself every so often, and that’s perfectly okay. I’m here, I love you” he started to lead me to the living room and sat me on his lap on the couch.
“I know I just promised, but what if I break the promise?” I sniffed.
“Why would you? It’s not like you’re not strong enough” he stroked my arm softly, looking at me with a small frown and a worried look.
“I just… I have my doubts” I looked down to my hands and played with my fingers. Jack stopped touching my arm and held my hands in his, my eyes looking up to his brown irises.
“Well, forget them. Believe it or not, you’re the most perfect thing I’ve ever come across and I just- ugh!” he let out an exasperated sigh, “It’s such a shame you can’t see yourself the way I see you, the view is so much better from this side and when I see you smile, it’s like my whole world stops and I can’t seem to breathe, like you kissed the air out of me, and my chest gets tight and I just think how beautiful, inside and out, you are to me and seeing you just don’t realise this, it shatters my heart to see you think so poorly of yourself when all I see is this beautiful, intelligent, maybe too much for her own good, attractive goddess I can call my girlfriend. And I just want- no, fuck that- I need you to see this. You mean the world to me, and I can’t imagine a world without you. I-I just can’t” he finished with a teary tone that made me kiss the sad out of him.
Sad Jack makes everyone sad.
His arms around me pulled me a lot closer to him, firmly locking me in his embrace, and he collided our lips together. I kissed him back and for a few moments we stayed there, eating each other’s faces until we pulled away for air.
I opened my mouth to say something, but I was speechless. I felt tears welling up again, but they weren’t sad tears, but happy tears. I just didn’t know how to describe them. It certainly caught me off guard, Jack spilling out his guts in front of me, but his little speech touched me, no doubt.
“Please say something” he bit his lip, his eyes scanning my reactions.
“I-I don’t know what to say…” I trailed off.
“Well, I do have something to say-“ he started.
“You always do” I gave him a flirtarious smile and he started to blush, “Cutie” I smirked, making him blush even more.
“Don’t make me blush, this is serious!” he pouted.
“It is, but it is still cute” I chuckled, earning a wide smile from Jack.
“I’m not cute, I’m punkrock!” he groaned in a childish tone.
“Whatever” I smiled.
“You’re so beautiful” he said in a very low voice I almost missed him saying that.
“I heard you” I smirked.
“Good” his smile widened, if that was even possible. He cleared his throat, “Well, I wanted to ask you something…”
“What’s that?” I raised an eyebrow.
He stayed silent for a second.
“Why did you fall in love with me?” If I had been drinking that second, I’d probably spit it out, like in movies. It just caught me off guard.
“I fell in love with you because you loved me when nobody could, not even myself” I gave him a small sad smile, my hand on his raspy cheek (he hadn’t shaved for a while) and he placed his hand on top of mine.
“You know that’s not true” he continued when he looked at my confused expression, “A little bird told me you’re quite… wanted at Collserola” he struggled to pronounce the ‘ll’.
“Smooth” I chuckled, refering to his try pronunciating ‘Collserola'.
“Hey, it sounded good!” he raised his voice, a smirk forming.
“It wasn’t that bad…” he gasped and put a hand on his heart.
“Hey!”
I laughed and kissed his cheek, “Alright, alright. I give you a seven for that”
“Eight” he insisted.
“Seven”
“E-IGHT”
“Seven and a half?” I tried to convince him.
He hesitated, “Deal”
We both chuckled and stared at each other like we were about to kiss.
“Was that ‘little bird’ by any chance, Oriol?” I smiled.
“Nope” he popped the ‘p’, “Ruben”
“That ass” I muttered under my breath, making Jack chuckle. “I’m right, thought”
He gave me a confused look.
“You know, people at Collserola, like Marcus, just have a crush on me, they’re not even in love with me. I mean, even if you and I didn’t work and I started dating those guys, they wouldn’t last a month with me because they’d just lose interest in me. You, on the other hand, have stayed with me and proved to me you do love me and wanted to be with me” he nodded and smiled again.
“You said it” he smiled wider.
“What?” I frowned.
“You said I love you”
“Does it surprise you?” I chuckled a bit.
“Just a tiny bit. Because I always find myself reminding you I love you, I thought you didn’t know”
“I do know. I just love to hear coming from your mouth” I gave him a smile, he instantly smiled back.
I joined our lips together, being kissed back instantly, and we moved in synch. His hands went to my waist and pulled me closer. I sat on his lap facing him and straddled him a bit.
“Babe, what are you doing?” he asked, breaking the kiss. I blushed and moved away.
“I-I just…” he pulled me on his lap again.
“Please don’t stop” I looked at him, “I just wanted to make sure you knew what you were doing” he looked at me, waiting for any signs of unsureness in me.
“I know what I’m doing” I smirked slightly at him, his lips forming a big smirk.
“And you’re sure?” he said in a teasing tone and raised an eyebrow. I nodded, making his grin wider “What made you change your mind?” he said, his voice becoming sort of husky.
“Well” I softly straddled his hips again, my mouth to his neck, “Last night I thought about us before falling asleep and realised the best way to overcome a fear is to face it, and thought maybe this is the best way to-“ a soft moan escaped my lips when I felt Jack’s teeth biting my neck, just on my sweet spot.
“Shut up” he commanded in an attractive tone.
I moaned a bit more before he stood up with me in his arms and hurried upstairs.
When we got to the room, he threw me on our bed and hovered over me, soon indicating me to take my clothes off. I took off everything except my panties, as I didn’t sleep with bra because it’s uncomfortable and bothering. Jack was already in his boxers, with a smirk plastered on his face and his eyes a few shades darker than normal, his boner very evident by now. He licked his lips, checking me out and climbed on top of me again.
He teased me a lot before getting down to where I needed him the most and started giving me cunningulus. His moves were sweet and quite slow, but he quickened the pace when he decided to get to the main act. I felt like a vigirgin the whole time, and I think Jack noticed because he tried to be careful, although both of us knew I wasn’t a virgin, for very obvious reasons.
When we finished, we stared at each other for a while before I fell asleep.

Notes

I didn't put any sort of warning because I thought I wouldn't be necessary. I'm sorry it's crappy and short and I bet there are mistakes everywhere. I've just been busy studying and writting lots of essays for Spanish, so there's my excuse.
Comment? Rate? Subscribe? Let me know you're enjoying this? Or let me know you're alive?
Please?