Dear María

It hurt like a bitch to leave María when she was at her worst, but it was thankfully a short tour, it would only last a month. Yeah, I know that sounds like a long time, but what if I say 4 weeks? That sounds shorter, right? And I know what you’re thinking: how on Earth do you leave her alone at home? Well, I phones Matt and he kind of convinced me it wouldn’t be that long, so yeah…
María seemed to be doing fine, but I knew how devasted she was deep down. The way she stopped me three days ago from going any further was heartbreaking. It wasn’t her fault, though, or mine. It was Mikel’s, he did this to her -well, to us- and I swear if the police didn’t put him in jail soon, I’ll go find him myself and beat him up senseless.
The past few days on tour went slow, I’ll call her every morning, after lunch, before and after the show, and when I woke up at 3am just to make sure she was okay.
Call me weird but she has become my life in this past year I’ve known her and I wanted her to be safe.
“Jack, she’ll be alright” Rian shook my shoulder, Alex and Zack walking through the bus.
“Yeah, but I feel so bad for leaving her when she needs me the most” I buried my face in my hands.
“Just three and a half weeks more” he gave my shoulder a tight squeeze before leaving me with my thoughts.
I knew damn well how many things in that house she could use against herself and I was scared shitless she’ll relapse or throw up again or-
She’ll be fine, Jack, stop obsessing.
I just felt so lost without her. Yes, she had Stella. Yes, she had Olivia. Yes, she even had my mom. But that didn’t make me feel less guilty for leaving her there, where all the memories would go back to her and remind her what happened.
I was so fucking worried I didn’t even realise I walked to my bunk and now I was laying down, staring at the bunk on top of me, and missing the feeling of warmth on my chest when she rested her head there, her hair all over my chest, and her hands wrapped around me so I wouldn’t go, and her thing of putting a leg on top of me, which I found quite adorably sexy.
And although I loved that peanut that was growing inside of her, I still didn’t feel that related to it. Did it hurt me when I got home and found blood on the floor and checked María’s phone just to find her last call was to 911? Of course it did, it even hurt more when they told me she had a ‘violent’ miscarriage. Did it hurt me loosing the kid? Erm… yes but no. Like I said, I did love it, but I didn’t feel any connection whatsoever so it didn’t hurt me that much. What really hurt me was the thought of someone hurting María to that extreme. She didn’t deserve this, she deserved to be happy.
I sent her a quick text.

hey, babe, just to let u know i love u and u r the most beautiful creature in this world, i fucking adore you <3
by the way, i miss you :(

She didn’t answer, or look at the message and it kind of worried me, but then I thought that maybe she was already asleep or with Stella and that relaxed me a bit.
I fell asleep thinking of the million things I’d do to her (sexual and not sexual) after this tour.

Notes

Sorry again for another shitty chapter. I didn't really know what to put in here, but I wanted to write something with that title, so here's nothing. I'm updating another shitty one in a minute and maybe a not-so-shitty one later.
The reason why I'm updating shit chapters is because 1) I'm hooked in a TV show, 2) I wanna write so fillers before getting into the interesting parts.
So, yeah, you'll have to deal with a bit more of these until I think this story is ready to take another big step.

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Title credit: The Hardest Part Is Forgetting Those You Swore You Would Never Forget by Being As An Ocean.