We spent there two days in a smaller field near a small river. Every day went to the town near the field and bought carrots, apples and some cubed thingy, which suposely contained a lot of proteins and vitamins and stuff, for Stella. I didn’t eat more than apples and some sushi packs I bough in some supermarket and, after eating, we set up some big tree logs to practise for the competition. When we finished training, we used the river to clean ourselves. Then we returned to Hipica Collserola to participate in the competition.
It wasn’t an important competition or anything, but I wanted to prove to people, especially Ruben, that I was still mentally stable to ride.
I called Oriol in case someone told him to sign me out of the competition.
“María?!” he exclaimed.
“Hey, Oriol” I said a bit shyly. Poor guy, he must have been so worried about me.
“I knew you’d call me!” he sounded happily, “Are you coming to the competition?”
“Of course I am! I was calling you to make sure I was still signed up” I tried to add a joking tone.
“Don’t worry about that, you don’t know how many times I had to reassure everyone you were coming to the competition” he chuckled. “How are you? Ruben told me what happened, and don’t worry, I think he’s an ass, he didn’t have the right to do that” he reassured me.
“Thanks, Oriol. Please, help me to face him today?”
“Anything for my blondie” he laughed and I joined him. He sounded a bit concerned, but he wasn’t that kind of person who stayed forever serious and he used his joking tone to break the ice. “Thanks, Oriol, for everything” I refered to basically everything he’d done for me.
“Just remember me when you have to put your children's names, okay?” he joked. “And don’t worry, I know you’d do the same for me” he added. “By the way, not to sound creepy but… I see you”
I instinctively turned around to meet him walking to me. He hung up.
“Well, well, look who we’ve got here” he hugged me. I hugged him back, “You look amazing. By the way, where did you go with Stella? Desmona and I missed her” he pouted and making me chuckle.
“We went to la Garriga, she taught me a life lesson, we trained… usual stuff” I explained shortly.
“Well, as long as you don’t run away like that again, I’m fine with it” he laughed.

“Riders, you can start heading to the big arena to start the show jumping competition”

“Good luck, blondie. Don’t be nervous” he hugged me again. When we pulled away he saw my palm, “Why do you have Jack’s name written on your palm?” he raised an eyebrow.
“I just felt safer with his name written on myself. Just as a reminder to stay calm.” I explained, not meeting his eyes, “I have a bad feeling about today” I added, almost whispering. He hugged me and started to walk beside me to Stella.
“Don’t worry too much” he gave me a light kiss on my forehead and patted my shoulder lightly. “Come on” he smiled.

---

The competition was going fine and so far we hadn’t failed one obstacle, but I felt Stella tense on her front legs.
We were in the last obstacle and I started to shake lightly; everything goes wrong towards the end; classes, jumps, dressage, cross, everything.
Stella cantered to the last jump and I counted the wave movements her body did before jumping. One… two… three. She jumped and I raised with her. She brought her front legs to her chest and her back legs up in the air, tilting her pelvis slightly to the left, to keep the balance. I brought my hands to her mane and pulled a bit, like I always did to keep myself up, and leaned my torso forward, but let my butt sink a bit, still not touching her saddle.
Everything went fine, until she touched the ground.
She leaned a bit too much on the right side and, unfortunately she put her right hoove badly on the ground, twisting it and making her fall to a side. The fall should’ve been fine in normal occasions, but these were 1,6m jumps and we weren’t prepared for that. What happened next was quick.
Her back legs were still in the air, so she couldn’t find anything to hold on, and she fell to the right side. I don’t know why, but I fell before her to the ground, giving me time to at least move my head away from her. She fell on top of my left side and squashed me to the ground. I felt my ribs break and were too pressed to my chest and I was scared it’d burst my lungs or my heart. I started to feel light headed when I felt Stella, almost immediately, stand up again and lower her head when my vision became a bit blurry, my eyes trying to adjust to something. I suddenly needed more oxygen in my system and I tried to breathe, but my ribs were hurting way too much and I couldn’t move properly.
Stella saw my struggle and realised I was sideways, no knees-up sign and I saw her start to shock. She pinned her ears back and backed away from me before going on two legs and calling, I guess, for help. It take long when I felt Oriol beside me and Dolores and Marcus, another instructor (a woman) and that guy from the mini course, beside me.
Marcus was next to Oriol and Dolores tried to calm down Stella.
“María? María? You hear me? Raise your hand or something if you’re conscious” Oriol almost begged, trying to sound calm.
I tried to raise my hand and Oriol took it instantly. He turned to someone in the distance and nodded. He turned to me again.
“María I need you to keep your eyes open and to breathe” he explained a bit in a rush, letting go of my hand. “Don’t breathe in too deeply, take short but full breaths, in case you’ve broken any rib, although I’m sure you had” he said and took off my helmet whilst Marcus took off my gloves.
I felt so tired and sleepy. My lungs screamed for more air, but it hurt every time I inhaled. I started to close my eyes when I saw something black in my hand. My eyes started to try to focus on that black blur and I took my hand closer to me. Jack.
I smiled to myself. María, if you’re not going to fight for yourself, fight for Jack. He fucking loves you, even if your dark side doesn’t want you to believe it. He fucking loves you! Fight for him! Stella didn’t kick his ass for some reason, Oriol hasn’t said anything about you two beside that time you kissed him in the arena where he complimented on how cute you two were! Fight for him!
Sometimes my thoughts told me to end myself and sometimes they encouraged me to carry on with my life, making me all confused and lost. I didn’t completely know who I was or what was I doing here, but that hit me hard and didn’t confuse me at all.
Jack was the reason my platelets tried to stop my bledding so quick, the reason why I floated when I jumped off that cliff, the reason why I held on to Stella when we were running next to a train; he was the reason I was still alive, catching for my breath again, fighting for dear life. He gave me the strength to run away from Mikel and to keep myself conscious and upright.
I know this will sound super cliché, but he was my everything and I was going to fight for him.
Whilst I was thinking of all of that, I realised I was frowning and smiling constantly, my eyes never leaving Jack’s name.
I didn’t notice I was now in another fucking ambulance and that Stella was staring at me with different looks in her eyes: fear of losing me, I guess, shock for what just happened, concern because she squashed me.
I also saw a bit of pride, watching me still fighting, and I swear I saw her give me a smile.
A pitiful, yet proud smile because she was afraid that I’d die, but deep down she knew I was a fighter, I was the brave one and I wasn’t giving up on her, or Jack.
Oriol was next to me and his eyes never left mine. It was hard not to fall asleep and even harder to breathe, but the simple thought of Jack, not Jack and I, just him, gave me the energy to breathe.
"If I survive, remind me to call him as soon as possible” I whispered to no one in particular.
I guess I was still in the ambulance with Oriol holding my hand.
I saw a blur nod and then all went black.

Notes

I kind of thank my lack of Internet at home because I can focus better on every chapter. Then I go to my grandmother's house and I upload! :D
Any thoughts of this? I didn't know what to put here, to be honest, I only knew I had to put the accident thing, so let me know what you think!

Title credit: Pittsburgh by The Amity Affliction.