Before I could even place what had happened at the weekend or come up with a good excuse, Monday had arrived like a shot in the dark and realistically it was time to plan an escape topic incase Jack remembered which I really hoped he wouldn't - it wasn't that I was running from the truth, I am fully aware of what is happening around but for one moment I want to feel free from the pain, free from the hospital visits, free from the stupid repetitive support group. And today was one of the days I would not be free from one of the burdens.

I arrived early at school 8.13am to exact in order to hand in my note of absence for the afternoon to the principle, handing the note into her office from my Dr was easier than visiting him would be. I walked along the large hallway making my way to my first point of call aka homeroom and quickly taking a seat near the back, hoping to god Jack and Alex would be late as usual but as luck goes I didn't have much. Both Alex and Jack came walking slowly into homeroom, messing around with each others school bags as usual before they took the space behind me. Home room wasn't awkward as Alex spoke away to me like nothing had happened but strangely Jack could not open his mouth for once. I turned around from them both as the conversation with Alex had happened, Jack stood up from his chair and slapped a note of my desk. I unravelled the little ball of paper -
Tell me its not true Abi?

For the first time in a long time I couldn't find my voice, I couldn't even muster up a lie or even a witty knowledgable remark - I just couldn't open my mouth the only thing my body allowed me to do was shrug my shoulders. That was all I could do, I can't lie because then I would be hiding it. As soon as homeroom and mathematics finished which thankfully I had with anyone I could consider decent - It was time for me to leave school. My mom was waiting outside the room with a drawn smile on her face.

The hospital waiting door was exactly the way I left it months ago when I first came here before we moved to drop off my notes so the doctors could be up to speed before I actually had an appointment. The waiting room was far too bright, it was definitely not energy efficient bulbs thats for sure, the long square table that surrounded the seats was cluttered with old celebrity filled gossip magazines and the receptionist who couldn't find it in herself to crack a smile when you arrived. I mean, I know it's a hospital and people die but come on. "Abigail Keegan?" Said a voice from one of the examining rooms behind me, I stood up picking up my school bag and followed the voice to the examining room where I was met with my new doctor Dr Kane.

Dr Kanes office wasn't as bad as the other doctors offices I had visited in the past few years, it was clean and neat - nothing more I could ask for. Today was the day we were to discuss the results of the latest PET scan that I had undergone not that long ago. "As you know Abigail a PET scan is there to look for actively growing tumours and I have good news and bad news for you - The good news is the medication is slowing down the growth rate of the tumours in your stomach however, as you know it doesn't protect you from more appearing and unfortunately more tumours have been growing." I wasn't surprised by the news, it was something I had expected - the tumours were never going to stop growing the only thing I knew was that they wouldn't grow as fast as the ones during my diagnosis. "I expected a lot worse." I forced a laugh earning a disapproving look from my mom. Laughing was how I handle things. "The tumours have also spread to other parts of your body, more specially, your lungs. You will continue to lose weight but differently this time your breathing will soon be affected. I'm sorry." "My l-l-lungs?" I struggled to speak, my mom burst out crying and I was certain I was going to join her soon but I have to be strong if not for myself but for my mom.

We made our way home in silence, we entered the house in silence and we both departed each other in the hall way making our way to our rooms in silence. I slammed my bedroom door behind me, I couldn't believe what I had heard, what was going to happen and just how differently things pan out from here. I opened up my cell phone to see a text from both Jack and Alex.

Alex - Why did you leave school early? Please tell me the reason Jack is upset isn't true?

Jack - Abi. Talk to me, don't go through this alone if it is true? is it?. I can't believe the world would do this to someone as young,

I decided it was time to come clean for some part at least.

@Alex - I'm sorry. xo
@Jack - I'm not alone. No one is to blame. I'm sorry but it is true, I'm trying to keep you out of the know because Jack you do not want to get hurt.

Jack Barakat known as the most childish male in the school someone who couldn't take any situation serious, well today I think he had just shown there is more to him than what meets the eye.

I found writing my English assignment the easiest form of venting emotions because at the end of the day I would have to stand up in front of people and tell my story and the days were coming closer.

I feel the thing we lack at the most is the fact we are willing to blame anything or anything for the faults but the truth of the matter is the fault is not in the sky or anything surrounding us the fault is in our destiny - lamely enough we can't change what is going to happen to us, we have to be brave no matter how much it is killing us, quite literally enough, we have to be strong for the special people around us.

Notes

Here we go again, I know you may or may have no suspected it but stomach cancer with mass tumours on the lung is something very close to me for the wrong reasons. I shouldn't say this but I am currently in remission so for right now I am clear of the pain. I live in strength through the quote "there is no shortage of fault to be found amid our stars" If you love the fault in our stars, I love you.

I want you to know that I'm actually enjoying venting my feelings and that some of you are liking it, and if you have something more to add and advice to make this better please don't hesitate to tell me.

Ari xo