*Jack POV*

I was in a fantasy world of my own, staring into space and re-living the kiss between Alex and I, when suddenly I was brought back to reality by a rude interruption.

“Jack!" Zack shouted at me, making me jerk in surprise. He raised his eyebrows at me and asked "what's up with you?"

I looked up to find Rian, Robbie and Zack all staring at me with concerned expressions.

Why the fuck is everyone staring at me?

"Nothing... Why?" I frowned.

"Well, we've been talking to you for the last two minutes… And put it this way, we could have had a better conversation with a brick wall," Rian told me, furrowing his eyebrows.

Okay, point taken... Brick walls are more sociable than me, apparently.

"Oh, sorry. I guess I kinda zoned out there for a minute," I shrugged, smirking to myself.

They don't need to know the details of what I was thinking...

"Riiight. So, what's up with him?" Zack asked, nodding in the direction of the bathroom where Alex was currently hiding.

He had wasted no time in disappearing from the room and leaving me alone with three other rather confused band mates. (I must remember to thank him for that, if he ever comes out of that damn toilet... He’s been in there for almost ten minutes already.)

I shrugged, trying not to lose my cool like Alex had just done.

“I thought it was pretty obvious what was wrong with him,” Rian suddenly spoke up.

We all stared at him blankly.

"You wanna elaborate on that?" Robbie frowned.

Rian looked around at us all with raised eyebrows.

“Am I the only one who noticed that bulge in his pants?” He asked hesitantly.

Whoa, what? There was a bulge in Alex's pants?! How did I miss that? That's usually the first place my eye wanders to! …Fuck, I'm such a pervert…

My eyebrows shot upwards and Rob, Zack and I exchanged glances.

“Yes, yes you are,” Robbie answered, still frowning deeply at Rian.

“It worries me very slightly that you were looking, Rian,” I commented with a smirk, and Rob and Zack nodded in agreement.

“Oh fuck off, it was hard to miss!” Rian defended quickly.

“And yet no one but you noticed,” Zack pointed out.

“Well, you know what worries me?" He huffed, changing the subject. "The fact that he had a boner and there was only Jack and him here.”

Oh shit, he’s onto us…

“…What were you twodoing?” He demanded, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

I rolled my eyes, carefully avoiding his stare.

“Nothing!”

It was only a kiss.

…A kiss that pretty much made my life complete.

“Did you fuck?” Rob asked randomly, causing all of our heads to snap in his direction suddenly.

Rian wrinkled his nose in dismay and Zack looked at him in surprise. I just laughed a little at his bluntness. Typical Rob.

“Uh, no Robbie."

“Well, you must have been doingsomethingthat excited Alex,” Robbie replied, shrugging.

Zack and Rian turned their heads back in my direction and suddenly every pair of suspicious-staring eyes was on me again.

I had to use all my self-control not to smirk at Robbie’s comment and keep a straight face. It satisfied me endlessly to think that Alex got excited just by kissing me.

I shrugged again; I didn’t trust myself to open my mouth to speak.

“Well, I suppose it doesn’t take much to make Alex excited like that these days,” Rob continued thoughtfully, sighing.

Hey, don’t ruin it for me. I know he’s horny pretty much 24/7, but just let me feel special and believe I was the one who caused that boner... Okay, thanks.

Before anyone could comment, Alex suddenly re-entered the room, causing us all to fall awkwardly silent. My eyes rested on Alex's face; his expression was unreadable.

I couldn’t help but drop my gaze to his crotch for a sneaky peek, but I could see no 'bulge' there. (Well, no more so than usual... I swear he wears incredibly tight jeans just to make me and everyone else horny.)

He stood in the doorway of the bathroom for a while, looking round the room hesitantly. Maybe I was being overly-sensitive, but it looked like he was reluctant to return to where he was sat next to me… Like he didn’t want to come near me. But he eventually did anyway.

“What? Carry on... Don’t let me stop your conversation about my dick,” Alex told us, waving his hand nonchalantly as we all watched him in uncomfortable silence as he sat down next to me.

Rian blushed. I guessed he was probably wishing he’d never started the conversation.

“You heard that, huh?” Robbie asked, when no one else said anything.

“Yeah. It’s not true, but if you wanna talk about checking me out, Rian, go ahead,” Alex smirked, raising his eyebrows.

Rian looked agitated, but he didn’t respond; he just rolled his eyes. Even he knows to drop a subject that is just weird coming from him in the first place.

I wasn’t entirely sure which to believe; I wanted to believe Rian, because I liked the idea of Alex getting a little too excited just from kissing me… But Alex was now acting so casual, it was hard to tell if he was lying or not. Now is a good time to tell the truth.

“I can’t believe you thought me and Jack had fucked each other,” Alex laughed suddenly, looking at Robbie.

“I didn’t. I just wanted to see Rian’s reaction,” Robbie informed us, causing an irritated Rian to roll his eyes again. “But I did get the feeling we were interrupting something when we walked in.”

That's because you were, you assholes…

Neither Alex nor I responded to that comment. The conversation died and it was silent in the room for a while, as we kinda zoned out.

Well, all of us except Rian, who started talking again after a short while.

“A fan came up to me earlier when I was watching Placebo," he began conversationally, his eyes darting between me and Alex. "And she said she's heard rumors that you two are, like,together. She seriously wanted to know if it was true."

I couldn't help but laugh as I pictured some girl going up to Rian and asking him if his best friends are gay. Seriously, I can see the mental image of Rian's ‘what the fuck’ face now.

"What did you do?" I asked, interested to hear how Rian reacted.

"I laughed in her face," he stated bluntly, like it was an obvious question. "But now that I think about it…”

He didn’t finish his sentence, but the way his narrowed eyes were analyzing Alex and me said everything he was thinking.

“What? You think there’s something going on between me andJack?” Alex scoffed, sounding both shocked and amused. “Seriously?”

I tried not to take offence at his tone, telling myself that he was only trying to convince the guys that Rian was being absurd. But he said it like it’s something that is completely ridiculous and would never happen, and I couldn’t help feeling a little put out.

Rian shrugged. “Well, I can see where the rumors are coming from.”

“Well, there’s nothing going on between us,” Alex stated boldly.

Isn’t there? I was under the impression that there was…

Alex can deny the chemistry between us as much as he wants right now, but I’m starting to think there actually is something going on between us. Well, I certainly hope there is…You could be everything I need.

I’ve fallen for him so hard recently. We’ve kissed three times in the last two days… That’s a good sign that he’s into me too. He blames everything on his urges though. For once I wish he would just say he wants to kiss me because he likes me or something. One thing’s for sure though; his “urges” are getting stronger and more frequent.

“I’m bored of this conversation now… I’m going for a walk,” Alex announced after a short pause, then he jumped to his feet suddenly.

Within seconds and without another word, he hastily left the bus. I would have gone after him, but he disappeared at lightning speed.

We didn’t continue the conversation once Alex had deserted the bus, because we were all pretty bored of it ourselves. We decided to play a competitive game of ‘Halo’ instead.

***

Three hours or so had passed since Alex went wandering off into the night alone and I was lying on my bed, wide awake and deep in thought.

Robbie and Zack were snoring in their bunks and I could hear a muffled voice through the wall, which told me that Rian was still in the living room on the phone with his Girlfriend, Cassadee. Or else talking to himself. (Which wouldn’t really surprise me with Rian. He’s a bit special.)

The sound of muffled talking went silent for a few minutes and I figured Rian was off the phone. Then suddenly, another muffled voice joined Rian’s. Alex must have returned finally.

Where the fuck did he even go?

A few minutes passed, before I decided to go and talk to the two of them. I had no hope of falling asleep, so I figured I might as well.

I climbed slowly out of bed, being quiet so I didn’t wake Robbie and Zack. But then I remembered that I could have got my guitar and started playing it full blast and they probably wouldn’t have woken; they’re the heaviest sleepers I know… And I’m the lightest.

I opened the bedroom door very slightly, ready to join Rian and Alex, but then I heard something that made my heart skip a beat.

“Youkissed?” Rian was questioning dramatically.

Just imagine what I thought when I opened up that door…

“Yeah,” came Alex’s short reply.

Why is Alex telling Rian everything now? Is he ready to admit there’s something going on between us?

I stayed listening behind the bedroom door, eager to hear more.I will be the fly on your wall.

“Whoa. What was it like?” Rian asked, which I thought was pretty weird, seeing as Alex and I had kissed before onstage and he’d never wanted to know the details then… And I was expecting him to be a little more “I told you so” or something.

“Kinda amazing,” Alex answered, causing me to smile to myself.

It really was.

“Did you go any further?” Rian questioned relentlessly.

Nosy fucker! What’s gotten into him?

“You want to know a lot, don’t you?” Alex replied, refusing to answer his question.

I didn’t understand why he didn’t just say no... I mean, wedidn’tgo any further…

“Yes. So, are you two a “thing” now?” Rian persisted.

I hope so. I've definitely got a thing for Alex...

“I don’t know… We didn’t really discuss it,” Alex answered slowly.

“Ah, this is so great, Lex. I always knew you two were the perfect match,” Rian enthused.

Alright, what the fuck is his deal? He’s taking this a lot better than I ever thought he would and it’s creeping me out... Why isn’t he freaking out?!

“Yeah, well, we had chemistry right from the start. But I always had to deny my feelings because I was with Dem,” Alex responded.

I was suddenly confused. Finally Alex’s admitting we have chemistry... But what the fuck is he talking about? He hasn’t been with Dem for three years… Why did he continue denying his feelings for me for so long?

“And she’s always been into you too,” Rian commented.

She? ...SHE?! I’m not a-
Oh.

The realization hit me hard; they weren’t talking about me at all. I’m so fucking stupid! It didn’t take me long to guess that it was Lisa… That would make a lot more sense. Jealousy and disappointment flooded through me, causing a sickening feeling inside. Apparently Alex had kissed Lisa (and maybe more) this evening as well as kissing me.

What the fuck is he playing at?It’s so wrong.

I didn’t want to listen anymore; I’d heard enough. I pulled the door closed as quietly as I could, so they didn’t know I’d been eavesdropping, and climbed back into bed. I wished so bad that I could just fall asleep and get away from the news I had just found out and the aching that had suddenly started in my heart with every beat, but I was still wide awake with my thoughts occupied with Alex… and now Lisa too.A headache for the weakest of minds…

I guess I was wrong about Alex liking me. He likes her… Of course he does. He’d never like me.

Notes

Lyrics credit: You Me At Six. How do you like it so far?