Jack POV

This couldn’t be more unexpected.

Alex’s wall was finally starting to crumble down to reveal the truth, and the rigid fragments of his falling wall were crashing on top of me. Nothing was making sense to me.

Am I truly “highly addictive” to Alex? Am I really some kind of “drug” to him? What does that even mean?! I am so fucking confused…

Alex leaned towards me, about to kiss me again, but I rejected him, recoiling away from his lips once more. His hand lost contact with my cheek and hovered uncertainly before lowering and returning to his side.

“What is that supposed to mean?” I enquired slowly. My voice sounded an octave higher than normal, even though I was trying my best not to freak out.

Alex sighed, clearly frustrated with me for questioning him and not surrendering to his kiss for the second time. But how did he expect me to react to his words? He can't just say something like that and expect me to ignore it. Was it just a throwaway comment or what?

He looked unnerved, quickly tearing his eyes away from my searching glare. Direct confrontation has never been his strongest point... I could see in his face that he already regretted saying anything. But it was too late; he'd said it now, and I needed answers.

Alex POV



I've unleashed something now, haven't I?

I forced myself to let my guard down and tell Jack the very truth I live in fear of admitting, just to see what would happen… To see how he would react… And I think it was a mistake.

Should I really tell him everything, or shall I just disguise the truth as a joke? Am I brave enough to take the risk and try honesty?

I opened my mouth to answer his question, only to snap it shut again after a moment’s hesitation. My mind was unhelpfully blank. How could I even begin to explain this?

“Alex? What do you mean?” Jack persevered when no words left my mouth.

He wasn’t about to let it go.

“One more hit…” A familiar voice growled in my mind, getting impatient.

The voice has always been a part of me. It’s pretty much the fucked up side of my conscience that comes alive when I try to fight the things I’m addicted to. When I'm around you I'm predictable.

But it never used to be so powerful… It wasn't even this much of an inner-struggle when I was addicted to the drugs and alcohol. I used to be strong enough to ignore the urges and not let it control my mind. But then, that was only because Jack was there to help me and he was, unknown to either of us at the time, replacing the drugs and alcohol.

I clenched my fists in stubbornness, focusing on resisting the urge to just grab Jack and kiss him. I know it's crazy but I'm hoping to take a hold of you. I knew he would only deny my kiss again if I demanded it of him. The frown etched on his face was a clear indication he was going to insist on questioning me until he got an answer.

I knew I couldn't resist the urges for very long; my time was wearing thin. In the last few days, I've reached a whole new level of addiction; the urges towards my fucking best friend have gotten even stronger and it’s almost impossible now not to succumb to them.

It's my own fault... My self-control suffered more than ever when I gave into my urges and got torturously close with Jack the other night. Since then, something between us has changed; it’s become unbearably powerful. I can feel it in my veins. You're everything I'm wanting.

“I- uh…” I struggled to find words to explain, distracted by the controlling voices in my head. “I meant exactly what I said, Jack."

I was now on a mission to fulfill my urge and I knew the only way that would happen was if I told Jack the truth. No matter how insane it is... I had to get it over with.

“You mean you’re, like… literally addicted… to me?” Jack questioned in disbelief.

Like you wouldn't believe...

I nodded with my head hung low.

I felt vulnerable letting my guard down completely, but I didn’t have the correct state of mind to rebuild it.

The truth was a stranger. I waited with baited breath to see how Jack would react. Will you welcome this confession?

“I don’t understand,” he replied slowly.

No surprises there. I knew he wouldn't understand. Who the hell would?

I continued avoiding Jack’s intense glare burning into me, too ashamed to meet his eyes.

“Is it even possible to be, like, literally addicted to a person?" Jack asked uncertainly. "I mean, uh... I don’t have an addictive substance running through my veins or anything…”

He sounded so tentative while talking logically about something totally unrealistic… You’d think he’d be a bit less worried about hurting my feelings and a bit more worried for himself. But hey, that’s Jack, for you.

I peered quickly through my lashes to see that the questioning frown had practically become a permanent expression on his face. The shame currently appeared a lasting feature on mine as I re-focused my gaze back on the floor.

“Well, no, you don’t have, like, nicotine or anything in your blood," I agreed, pointing out the obvious. "But there’s something there… Something about you. I don’t know what it is. But it screams out to me and I cannot deny it.”

There truly is something about Jack. Something about the way he cares about me… The way he would never let me fall… The way he kisses me… I need it. Need him. You're the only one I would take a shot on.

If I ever find out what it is about him that calls out to me so vigorously… keeps me hanging on so contagiously…then I will destroy it and overcome this addiction. I don’t want to need and depend on him as much as I do… It’s not healthy for my mentality.

“But why are you so sure it’s addiction?” Jack asked tirelessly, possibly more confused than ever.

“Because I spent too many wasted years of my life being a drug addict and an alcoholic, and I know how it feels to crave something so hard… To feel totally powerless around it, yet so lost without it… To constantly feel and try to fight the dominant connection that controls your mind and makes you so weak…” I mumbled, with a defeated sigh.

I looked up discretely and watched Jack as his mouth fell open slightly and his questioning eyes darted back and forth. I knew the truth was a lot to take and I needed to give Jack time to digest this absurd, new information. Don’t let it throw you off too far…

“Fuck,” he muttered bluntly. “I make you feel all those things?”

Before I had a chance to lower my gaze again, his eyes were locked with mine. I didn’t try to shy away once more; I was captivated and too weak to break the contact anyway.

“Yes,” I sighed quietly. You're the only one breaking me down like this.



Jack POV

The pieces of the puzzle in my mind were all suddenly starting to fit together…

He craves me? That explains the “urges”.

He feels powerless around me? That explains why he told me to stay away from him... He hates to feel powerless and lose control of a situation.

He feels lost without me? That explains why he can't seem to stay away from me; he always comes crawling back to me in the end.

The connection we have makes him weak? That explains why he’s been so drained recently.

He’s addicted to me? That explains why he told me he “needs” me.

“Um… How long have you felt this way?” I asked curiously.

How long has he been hiding this from me, keeping it bottled up inside?

“It started back when I got clean and sober," he revealed darkly, making my eyes widen.

Holy shit, three years? He's been feeling this way for THREE YEARS?!

So, he's been in 'need' of me, almost as long as I've been in love with him. I believe in loving you at first sight.

"I sometimes think that the only reason I was able to give up the drugs and alcohol was because I… uh, became dependent on you instead,” he added in a small voice.

A realisation suddenly hit me as I remembered an old conversation between me and Alex from the days when he was getting clean and sober…

“I was having withdrawal symptoms towards you,” the sound of Alex’s voice from three years ago echoed in my mind.

“Right, so, out of me, drugs, and alcohol, you get urges for me the most?” The familiar sound of my own voice suddenly filled my head.

“Well, sure, it sounds weird when you say it like that…”

“Well, at least I’m not gonna kill you if you have too much of me, right? But if the drugs get you high, and the alcohol gets you wasted… What do I get you?”

“You get me up when the other two just knock me down, and that’s a better feeling than either of the others.”

“You can always count on me to keep “getting you up” when you fall, man.”

The realisation that struck me after hearing this flashback of voices was: I really did replace the drugs and alcohol in his life.

I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts and memories that I almost forgot Alex was standing there, until he suddenly carried on talking without even being questioned by me.

“I thought I needed the drugs and the alcohol to make it through every fucking day back then... It's like they kept me sane. They almost filled the void inside of me… Almost…” Alex murmured, running his fingers through his messy hair.

My heart was racing faster with every word that escaped Alex’s lips.

Is it weird that I’m actually beginning to understand him?

“So, you're saying that I almost fill the empty void inside of you and keep you sane too, instead of the drugs…” I figured.

“No,” Alex replied flatly.

Okay, I spoke too soon… I still don't get it.

“The void inside me disappears completely every time I, uh, get my fix on you... and you keep me insane,” Alex explained candidly.

Yeah, I was definitely wrong when I thought I was beginning to understand him…

What the fuck does he class as getting his fix on me? And should I be relieved that he said I fill the void or worried that I apparently drive him insane?

“What? I make you insane?” I asked, trying not to sound too disheartened. Even though I was.

Alex looked at me apologetically.

“It's not really you... It's me. It’s my problem. I drive myself insane," he backtracked on his previous statement, clearly feeling guilty about blaming me for his insanity. "I constantly have urges towards that I have to fight… And it gets frustrating… I get weak."

Ah, the infamous “urges”. I guess I should have seen this coming by the way he always blames everything that happens between us on his “urges”... But then, who the hell would have seen THIS confession coming?

“It was different with the drugs and stuff… I never had to fight so hard with myself not to give into the temptation. It’s not like they were my best friend and I could ever lose them if I kept losing control,” he continued after another lengthy pause.

The sincere sadness was distinctive in his voice and it broke my heart a little.

“You could never lose me, Lex,” I stated softly.

He's a fool if he thinks he could.I’ll be running right behind you.

“You care about me too much,” he exhaled slowly in defeat, dropping his gaze to the ground.

Because I love you…

“Is that a bad thing?” I frowned, confused by his disappointed tone.

Does he want to lose me or something?

“I think it could be... I think it's the reason I developed this dependence on you,” he replied, pausing thoughtfully before adding, “I don’t want to hurt you, Jack.”

I sensed the worry in his voice and it made me slightly anxious too.

“You won’t hurt me...” I tried to say it with confidence, but somehow it sounded more like a question than a statement… Almost like a plea.

I debated with myself whether to question him further, but decided against it in the end. Alex’s emblematic wall had well and truly fallen down and crashed around us both enough already tonight.

We were silent for a while, lost in our own surreptitious thoughts, when I was suddenly broken out of my consuming mind by the sound of Alex’s cautious voice.

“Um, Jacky?”

There’s something about the way he says my name when he calls me Jacky… It’s so tender… So comforting… So much sweeter than just “Jack”.

I slowly looked up with questioning eyes and met his intense gaze.

“Do you think addiction is ever a good thing?” He asked me again, repeating his earlier question.

This time the question wasn’t so extraneous and I wasn’t so confused. The answer was already engraved subconsciously in my head and it was rolling off my tongue before I had time to think about it.

“Only when I’m the drug.”

I'll give him what he needs... He can take a hit on me any time he wants!

There is a thin line between love and addiction, and it’s only a matter of time before he ends up blurring the lines…Could this be out of line?

The intensity of the stare increased; a fire seemed to start in his eyes with my response. I could almost feel the heat and see the brightness as his eyes burned into me contemplatively.

Then, I bit my bottom lip thoughtfully, noticeably drawing Alex’s eyes to linger on my lips in longing.

And that was all it took for any remaining self-control to vanish inside each of us once again.

Within seconds, it was all happening again: our lips colliding desperately… our arms wrapping around each other’s bodies possessively… our tongues fighting together for dominance urgently… our hearts beating out of sync frantically…

And the dangerous truth was fading faster than the self-control from our tainted minds.

Notes

guys my eyes hurt and all i can think about is Destiel...............
You guys are going to FLIP over the next chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DID!!!!!!!!! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG !!!! GUYS IF YOU DONT FLIP OVER THE NEXT CHAPTER YOUR NOT READING THE STORY RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!! OKAY OKAY ILL GIVE A HINT (this on that, that in this. hand on that, that in there..........Blah Blah Blah Crash what is blah blah blah and what is going in what on what) do you get the hint...... you guys should comment more, also DONT FORGET TO RATE! maybe subscribe