EMMA POV

10 more minutes

All I can think about is 10 more minutes.

10 minutes Jack will be fast asleep.

So will his mom and my brother.

And I will be in Jack’s bathroom, sinking a razor deep in my skin.

Yeah, it sounds pretty fucked to be doing it in someone else’s house. But after everything Jack told me today, I feel like I need to. It’s all my fault Jack has to even consider harming another person.

After I held him for what felt like an eternity in the bathroom, his mom came home. We chatted for a while, explaining my brother’s situation a little more in depth and talking about how her weekend went. We didn’t dare mention what Alex asked Jack to choose. At one point, she gave us “the talk”.

“I know you two probably slept in the same bed while I was gone. I don’t have a problem with that. What I do have a problem with is unprotected sex.” She had said. “I understand you two will be having it at some point, but I’m not ready to be a grandma yet. So please, if you are going to, use a condom. And I really don’t want to hear any moans coming out of that room Jack. Door open at night time please.”

Jack and I had stood there awkwardly, listening and blushing furiously. After her little talk, we scurried off to his bedroom and waited for Chris to get home from Jason’s. He came home around 8 and was introduced to Jack’s mom. They talked for a while, getting to know each other. She set some ground rules for him, which he politely agreed to. He thanked her furiously and ran off to his bedroom to do schoolwork.

And for the rest of the night, Jack and I cuddled in his bed, limbs tangled together. We talked back and forth, trying to come up with solutions to this little problem. Finally, we decided Jack would try to roll with Alex for a little, and see if he can’t act like a bad guy. He won’t lay his hands on anyone, but he’ll be Alex’s back up. We are going to see how long he can get away with that. Hopefully, he and Alex will be close enough by then and let Jack do his own thing and leave us alone.

Hopefully.

Jack’s snoring pulls me out of my thoughts and makes me smile a little. I glance at the bedside clock and see I have 1 more minute to wait. Everyone went to bed a little while ago, but I just want to make sure everyone is asleep. I don’t want his mom to worry. Finally, the clock strikes 12 and I slip out of the bed. I stare at Jack’s sleeping body from the door and sigh.

“I’m sorry.” I whisper.

I pad across the cold tile floor to the bathroom. The door creaks slightly as my hand pushes it open. I slip inside and shut the door tightly, locking it behind me. I flip the light switch on and begin digging through the drawers, finding something, anything. Finally, I come across an old black, unused razor. I grab the pen I had snuck in the bathroom with me and begin to pry the blades apart. Finally, after what seems like an eternity, one of the blades comes loose. My hands shake as I tug my shirt off over my head.

I smile softly at myself in the mirror as I drag the razor across my skin. The first few cuts are shallow and short, but as the familiar feeling of sliced skin returned, I found myself shoving the blade deeper and deeper into my skin, the cuts wrapping across my abdomen. Old cuts turn into new ones, and the new ones shine brightly with fresh blood. All of a sudden, I drop the blade onto the bathroom counter and stare at my stomach. It’s literally covered in blood and cuts at this point; almost all of my skin is painted red. I gasp as tears fill my eyes, realizing how much Jack will hate me when he sees this. I reach for the blade once more, and drag it across my lower abdomen, just about the only place that isn’t sliced. I grab toilet paper and soak the pieces in water. The cold water stings a little as I clean up the blood on my stomach. Dab after dab, blood is removed and all that is left are clean cuts. I flush the bloody tissue down the toilet and pull my shirt back on.

I tip toe my way back into Jack’s room where he is sitting upright in bed, rubbing his face with his hands. I make my way over to him and he looks up at me immediately.

“Where have you been?” He whispers.

I slide back into bed next to him and wrap my arm around his waist. “I’m sorry baby. I had to go to the bathroom. Why are you awake?”

“I had a nightmare. It was horrible Em. Fucking horrible. You and Alex were together, having sex, and you had cuts all over your body. He was laughing, but you were crying. All of a sudden, you saw me…and your face became happy, hopeful. But I was stuck, unable to move. That’s when I woke up.” He sighs, pulling me on top of him.

I curl onto his chest and kiss his neck gently. “Don’t worry my love. That will never happen. I’m here, with you, and that will never change.” I try to ignore the burning pain of my cut up stomach on his. I clench my eyelashes shut and curl tighter to him.

He flips me back over onto the bed and hovers on top of me, straddling my hips. His hands dig deep into the mattress on either side of my head. He looks down at me, dark hair falling in his face with a goofy grin stretching across. Jack kisses me gently on the lips. I kiss him back happily and nip his bottom lip a little bit. I giggle as he glares at me jokingly. He begins to play with the hemline of my shirt and immediately my blood runs cold.

“No.” I whisper.

“It’s okay.” He murmurs in my ear and pulls my shirt up while kissing my neck.

“NO.” I jerk away. “Stop Jack please!”

He pulls away quickly and stares at me, eyes wide. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cross any boundaries. Are you okay?”

I break down into sobs and shake my head. “I’m a fucking mess.” I lift my shirt off over my body. I grab Jack’s hand and let it trail over my stomach. His hands jerk away at the feeling.

“Emma are you serious…What the fuck.” His voice grows cold. “I thought we were over this.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be over it Jack.” I whisper.

He sighs and crawls out of bed. He walks over to my side of the bed and pulls the covers away from me. He picks me up and carries me to the bathroom without saying a word. Gently, I am placed on the cold floor and he closes the door behind him. Jack flips on the light switch and begins rummaging for something. After a few seconds, he pulls out Neosporin and turns to me.

“Shirt off please.” He mumbles, not looking me in the eye.

I do so quickly and he positions me so I am lying down on the floor. Tears roll down the side of my face as he gently spreads the antibiotic on my cuts. My body jerks as he glides his fingers over the deep cuts. I can feel the disappointment wafting off of him as he does this. Tears continue to stream down my face silently and finally he finishes. As Jack washes his hands, I stand up and begin to walk out of the bathroom with my shirt in hand.

“Wait.” Jack grabs my arm with his damp hand.

He rummages in the cabinet for something and emerges with an ace bandage. He wraps my stomach up with it and sighs as he ties it off.

“Ok. Now you can go.” He mumbles.

I turn and basically run back to the room, tears falling faster than before. God, I’m such a fuck up. Everything I do fucks everyone up. I grab a pillow and run to the living room where I curl up on the couch under a blanket. I sob as quietly as I can into the pillow, feeling worthless. All of a sudden, I hear the floor creak.

“What are you doing?” Jack asks softly. “Let’s go to bed, please.”

“I’ll just sleep out here, it’s fine. I’ll stay out of your way.” I sniffle.

He sighs and picks me up yet again without saying a word. I squirm, trying to release myself from his grip. He holds on to me tighter and quickly carries me back into his room. He lays me on the bed and covers me with the blankets, curling up right next to me. Jack pulls me into his arms and I begin to sob uncontrollably on his chest. He strokes my back gently and whispers sweet things in my ear, trying to calm me down. He tells me it’s okay; that it isn’t my fault. Jack tells me how beautiful I am to him and how nothing in this world will ever change that. He reminds me that no matter what I do or say, he will always be there for me; forever. The words soothe my sadness but I can’t seem to get the shakiness out of my voice.

“I’m so sorry.” I whimper in his ear.

“No. No apologies. I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at myself. I should’ve known this would trigger you. Can we just, not talk?” He asks me gently.

I lift my head off his chest to look him in the eyes. I place my lips softly on his and he immediately tangles his hands in my hair. Our mouths part and tongues tangle, dancing with one another. I bite his lip playfully and he immediately shoves me down on the bed next to him. I gasp at the sudden dominance and stare up at him.

“Ja-.” I begin, but he immediately throws a hand over my mouth.

He shakes his head, reminding me we said no talking. His lips glide down my neck and back up to my lips. I tug his shirt off of him and drag my fingers down his back. He sinks his teeth into my neck, making sure to leave marks. I whimper as Jack’s fingers pull my pajama pants down around my ankles. His finger glides across my clit roughly making my body jerk and ache for him.

“Jack.” I whine softly. “Please.”

“Didn’t we say no talking?” Jack growls in a husky voice.

I whimper in response as he pulls his pants off of his legs. Immediately, I wrap my hand around his rock hard member and begin pumping softly. His lips fall against mine gasping and trembling. He slips a finger inside of me and swirls it around. Jack adds a second finger and curls them both, sending waves of pleasure coursing through my veins. My hips buck towards him, begging. Finally, after what seems like an eternity, Jack teases my entrance with his sex. I buck my hips toward him and he slides himself into me.

“Fuck, Jack.” I moan softly.

“Shhh.” He whispers in my ear. “Remember the rules.”

I nod shakily and he continues to thrust himself deep into me. My nails dig deep into his lower back as he sinks his teeth into my neck. I bite my bottom lip, hard, trying my best not to make a sound. Jack slams himself into me and I cry out softly.

All of a sudden, I’m on my stomach, Jack straddling my thighs. He lies on my back and begins to thrust again, deeper this time.

“Bite the pillow if you have to. But keep quiet.” He tells me in that sexy, deep voice.

Immediately, he slams into me and I bite the pillow. I claw at the sheets as he continues to pound away. Moments later, I release with a choked back moan. Jack finishes as well, kissing the back of my head as he does so.

He flips off of my body and onto the mattress next to me. We lie, side by side, completely and utterly out of breath. I grasp the comforter closely to my body as Jack lets out a long sigh.

“This has gotten pretty fucked, hasn’t it?” He murmurs. “This entire situation has gone to shit.”

“Basically.” I reply.

Jack turns on his side and pulls my back against his chest gently, making sure not to apply too much pressure on my stomach.

“I’m sorry if I seemed cold at all. I’m not mad at you Emmabear. I’m more mad at myself. Ever since I came into your life, you have been a bigger and bigger target to Sasha.” He sighs.

“Jack stop. Let’s just sleep, okay? We’ll talk if we still feel up to it in the morning.” I yawn.

“Love you.” He kisses the top of my head, before drifting off into soft snores.

“Love you more.” I whisper softly. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey there Emma. I need to steal your boyfriend for a second.” Alex throws me a wicked smile.

I smile at him tightly and nod. Jack pecks me on the forehead and follows Alex outside. I let out a deep sigh as I walk to our homeroom. I watch from the classroom window as Jack and Alex talk. Alex has a cigarette to his lips and is handing Jack one. I cringe as I watch Jack take a drag and give Alex a bro-hug.

I guess that’s that.

They walk back to the school, Alex grinning like a fool and Jack fake smiling. They throw the cigarettes in the grass and walk back to the building. The both of them walk into my homeroom just as I take my seat.

“Hey Emmakins.” Alex winks at me with that wicked fucking grin. “Thanks for lending me your boytoy. I promise I’ll take good care of him.”

Alex sits on my desk, reeking of cigarettes and Old Spice. He pulls out a handful of Jolly Ranchers and offers me one. I shake my head and he shrugs his shoulders as he pops in a cherry flavored. Jack sits in his seat and grabs a Jolly Rancher from Alex.

“Don’t you have somewhere to be? Like I don’t know, with your girlfriend, or homeroom?” I grumble, glaring at Alex.

“Easy Emma, shit I don’t bite.” Alex laughs. “I don’t really go to my classes. I go to my 1st, 3rd, and 5th period classes on Mondays, Wednesday’s and Fridays. Tuesdays and Thursdays are my 2nd and 4th period. The rest I just blow off.”

“I’m so glad you’re hardcore and all Alex, but unlike you, I pay attention to my classes. So I’d appreciate if you fucked off somewhere else.” I smile sarcastically.

“Em.” Jack warns me, grabbing my arm. “Relax.”

“Yeah pretty girl. Relax.” Alex rolls his eyes. He leans down so he’s at eye contact with me, inches away from my face. “I suggest you relax because I’m not going anywhere. Your little boyfriend and I are buds now. You can do this the easy way, or the hard way. Either way, it’s happening. So fucking relax.” He glares at me and hops off my desk.

I sit in silence as I watch him shake Jack’s hand and walk out of the classroom. I glance at Jack who has his head in his hands, staring at the desk.

“Hey.” I say softly as I reach over to play with his hair. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. You aren’t happy.” He mumbles, throwing his head onto my desk so I can play with his hair more.

I giggle. “Jack, it’s okay. He’s right. It’s happening I may as well learn to deal with it. It will just take some time getting used to.” I kiss his head and twirl my fingers around in his hair.

I glance down at Jack and see a pack of cigarettes hanging out of his hoodie pocket. Shit, it’s going to take a lot of time getting used to this.

Notes

Hellooo :D Sorry it's taken a while. My boyfriend went to the hospital so I was there with him from Monday-Wednesday and then there was the Fourth of July (Happy late 4th lovelies) and yeah. It was just one thing after another.
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