A Walking Travesty
In the Dark I See
“Emma? Sing me a song.” Jack begs.
We are lying on my bed on a lazy Saturday afternoon. We are at my house alone. My brother slept over at a friend’s house and my parents went to the grocery store. Today is our one-month anniversary and we decided to just enjoy each other’s company. Jack’s head is resting on my stomach as we lounge in our pajamas.
“What do you want to hear mi amor?” I ask him stroking his hair softly.
“Anything. Surprise me.” He smiles up at me.
Jack moves his head off of me so I can get up and grab my guitar. Since it’s our one-month anniversary, I decide to pick a song that actually pertains to our relationship. It’s a song I’ve wanted to sing him ever since he turned my life around.
I grab my guitar and sit on the end of my bed. Jack sits on the other end and stares at me, waiting for me to begin.
So I begin.
Here, in the stillness the quiet place,
Where I’m lying with a down turned face.
You come and distract me
From what’s coming at me.
Oh, give me something to look forward to.
Truth be told sometimes it’s only you.
Nothing is at stake here when we are awake here.
It’s you who brings the morning
and you who takes the sun when I sleep.
You’re the only one who stuck around
For me when I was losing faith in what I thought I would be.
You’re the only one in the dark I see.
I continue to sing, “In the Dark I See”, by Lights. I close my eyes and strum along, letting the lyrics flow softly through my mouth. A tingle shoots up my spine as I think about these lyrics. Jack is really the only one in the dark I see. Lately, I’ve been feeling so strong for him. I might even dare to say I love him. But there is no way I’m going to say it first.
You’re the only one in the dark I see.
I sing the last lyric softly, without playing my guitar. I let the words hang in the air and open my eyes slowly to look at Jack. His face is blank, but I can see a gleam in his eye. It looks as if he really liked the song.
“I’ve never heard anything more beautiful in my life.” He states quietly.
Slowly, he takes my guitar and sets it on the floor. Jack scoops me up in his arms and lies me on the bed with him, holding me in his strong arms.
“I’m glad you liked-“
“No Emma. You don’t understand. That was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard, but you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. I loved it. I love you.” Jack murmurs softly.
With those three words, I freeze. Immediately, Jack does the same and sits up quickly.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It just slipped out.” He quickly says.
“So you didn’t mean it?” I whimper, hurt.
“Em that’s not what I mean. I do love you. At least I think I do. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said it.” He scurries.
“Jack please leave.” I say quietly.
“Em-“
“Leave.” I state more firmly. “I know how I feel about you but I’m not going to sit here and have words thrown at me that you may or may not mean. I understand you have a right to your own feelings, but until you figure them out, I would rather be alone.”
He nods slowly and slides off of my bed. Everything is silent except for the sound of the bed creaking as I shift awkwardly. Jack picks up his phone and car keys on my bed stand and walks to the doorway. He looks back at me.
“Happy one-month Emmabear.” He says in a shaky voice.
With those words, a knife is stabbed through my heart. I feel horrible for sending him out, but I can’t stand instability. I love knowing exactly how someone feels about me. My whole life, my parents have been flip flop on their principals and how they feel. I thought Jack was the rock in my life. He seems to always know what to do. Now, I don’t know. If he doesn’t know how he feels, how can I trust that we will be okay? It might sound like I’m overreacting a little, but Jack is all I have. I need to know how he feels.
I nod to him on his way out, not able to make eye contact with him. I hear the front door slam as I throw myself onto my bed. Tears stream and I begin to choke on my sobs. All I want is Jack but at the same time, I don’t want him. I want my rock Jack, not this indecisive boy. I’m so confused and scared.
I love Jack.
But does he love me?
I snuggle myself under the covers and shut my eyes, sleeping through the pain.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wake up to the sound of my ringtone.
Jackypoo
“Hello?” I mumble, yawning.
“Hey, I’ve been trying to text you. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I fell asleep. How long has it been since you left?”
“A couple of hours. It’s 5:30. Do you mind coming over? I think we need to talk.” Jack asks, sounding nervous.
“Jack I told you, I don’t want to talk to you until you figure out your feelings.” I groan.
“I know. That’s why I want you to come over. I need to talk to you. This just isn’t fair to you anymore.” Jack sighs. “I’m sorry. Can you come?”
“Yeah.” I hang up the phone and wander to the living room.
My mom and dad are sitting on the couch watching TV, as they always are.
“Hey. I need to go to Jack’s.” I tell them, trying to sound cheerful so I don’t make them suspect anything.
“Ok sweetie. Will you be sleeping over?” My mom asks.
“I doubt it.” I reply simply. “I might stay for dinner. I don’t know. I’ll make sure to keep you updated.”
They nod and I grab the car keys. I drive over with the radio off and the windows down, breathing in the fresh air.
All I can think of is Jack. I have a really strong feeling that this isn’t going to go well. Judging from his tone, he sounded distant. He sounded as if he really didn’t want to do this.
I drive very slowly, dreading this drive terribly. I know that whatever is at the end is not going to be well. Of course, Jack and I live close making this drive extremely quick. I pull up into his driveway and sit in the car for a few minutes before mustering up the courage to step out.
I approach Jack’s front door and knock. Within a few seconds, Jack is standing awkwardly in the doorway.
“Hey.” I mumble.
“Hey.” He looks down at the ground. Jack hugs me awkwardly, almost forcefully.
We stand in the doorway for a few seconds before Jack begins.
“We need to talk.”
We are lying on my bed on a lazy Saturday afternoon. We are at my house alone. My brother slept over at a friend’s house and my parents went to the grocery store. Today is our one-month anniversary and we decided to just enjoy each other’s company. Jack’s head is resting on my stomach as we lounge in our pajamas.
“What do you want to hear mi amor?” I ask him stroking his hair softly.
“Anything. Surprise me.” He smiles up at me.
Jack moves his head off of me so I can get up and grab my guitar. Since it’s our one-month anniversary, I decide to pick a song that actually pertains to our relationship. It’s a song I’ve wanted to sing him ever since he turned my life around.
I grab my guitar and sit on the end of my bed. Jack sits on the other end and stares at me, waiting for me to begin.
So I begin.
Here, in the stillness the quiet place,
Where I’m lying with a down turned face.
You come and distract me
From what’s coming at me.
Oh, give me something to look forward to.
Truth be told sometimes it’s only you.
Nothing is at stake here when we are awake here.
It’s you who brings the morning
and you who takes the sun when I sleep.
You’re the only one who stuck around
For me when I was losing faith in what I thought I would be.
You’re the only one in the dark I see.
I continue to sing, “In the Dark I See”, by Lights. I close my eyes and strum along, letting the lyrics flow softly through my mouth. A tingle shoots up my spine as I think about these lyrics. Jack is really the only one in the dark I see. Lately, I’ve been feeling so strong for him. I might even dare to say I love him. But there is no way I’m going to say it first.
You’re the only one in the dark I see.
I sing the last lyric softly, without playing my guitar. I let the words hang in the air and open my eyes slowly to look at Jack. His face is blank, but I can see a gleam in his eye. It looks as if he really liked the song.
“I’ve never heard anything more beautiful in my life.” He states quietly.
Slowly, he takes my guitar and sets it on the floor. Jack scoops me up in his arms and lies me on the bed with him, holding me in his strong arms.
“I’m glad you liked-“
“No Emma. You don’t understand. That was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard, but you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. I loved it. I love you.” Jack murmurs softly.
With those three words, I freeze. Immediately, Jack does the same and sits up quickly.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It just slipped out.” He quickly says.
“So you didn’t mean it?” I whimper, hurt.
“Em that’s not what I mean. I do love you. At least I think I do. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said it.” He scurries.
“Jack please leave.” I say quietly.
“Em-“
“Leave.” I state more firmly. “I know how I feel about you but I’m not going to sit here and have words thrown at me that you may or may not mean. I understand you have a right to your own feelings, but until you figure them out, I would rather be alone.”
He nods slowly and slides off of my bed. Everything is silent except for the sound of the bed creaking as I shift awkwardly. Jack picks up his phone and car keys on my bed stand and walks to the doorway. He looks back at me.
“Happy one-month Emmabear.” He says in a shaky voice.
With those words, a knife is stabbed through my heart. I feel horrible for sending him out, but I can’t stand instability. I love knowing exactly how someone feels about me. My whole life, my parents have been flip flop on their principals and how they feel. I thought Jack was the rock in my life. He seems to always know what to do. Now, I don’t know. If he doesn’t know how he feels, how can I trust that we will be okay? It might sound like I’m overreacting a little, but Jack is all I have. I need to know how he feels.
I nod to him on his way out, not able to make eye contact with him. I hear the front door slam as I throw myself onto my bed. Tears stream and I begin to choke on my sobs. All I want is Jack but at the same time, I don’t want him. I want my rock Jack, not this indecisive boy. I’m so confused and scared.
I love Jack.
But does he love me?
I snuggle myself under the covers and shut my eyes, sleeping through the pain.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wake up to the sound of my ringtone.
Jackypoo
“Hello?” I mumble, yawning.
“Hey, I’ve been trying to text you. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I fell asleep. How long has it been since you left?”
“A couple of hours. It’s 5:30. Do you mind coming over? I think we need to talk.” Jack asks, sounding nervous.
“Jack I told you, I don’t want to talk to you until you figure out your feelings.” I groan.
“I know. That’s why I want you to come over. I need to talk to you. This just isn’t fair to you anymore.” Jack sighs. “I’m sorry. Can you come?”
“Yeah.” I hang up the phone and wander to the living room.
My mom and dad are sitting on the couch watching TV, as they always are.
“Hey. I need to go to Jack’s.” I tell them, trying to sound cheerful so I don’t make them suspect anything.
“Ok sweetie. Will you be sleeping over?” My mom asks.
“I doubt it.” I reply simply. “I might stay for dinner. I don’t know. I’ll make sure to keep you updated.”
They nod and I grab the car keys. I drive over with the radio off and the windows down, breathing in the fresh air.
All I can think of is Jack. I have a really strong feeling that this isn’t going to go well. Judging from his tone, he sounded distant. He sounded as if he really didn’t want to do this.
I drive very slowly, dreading this drive terribly. I know that whatever is at the end is not going to be well. Of course, Jack and I live close making this drive extremely quick. I pull up into his driveway and sit in the car for a few minutes before mustering up the courage to step out.
I approach Jack’s front door and knock. Within a few seconds, Jack is standing awkwardly in the doorway.
“Hey.” I mumble.
“Hey.” He looks down at the ground. Jack hugs me awkwardly, almost forcefully.
We stand in the doorway for a few seconds before Jack begins.
“We need to talk.”
Notes
Cliffhanger oh gurl.Sorry c: I promise new chapter soon. I'm already starting on it.
WHAT A HAPPY ONE MONTH ANNIVERSARY AM I RIGHT?
I'm in a really good mood because I finally stretched my ears to 3/4 woo. two more sizes to go!
Thanks to everyone for your support c: It means the world to me.
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11/20/13