Days. I've been locked in Stephanie's bedroom for days, literally only leaving to carry a plate back to the kitchen when Steph brings me food and to grab a bottle of liquor or a case of better, but only when I got up to use the bathroom, shower or brush my teeth. Zack had been kind enough to come by Rae's window and sell me some pills, while T.J. would sneak over at night and sell me some dope. It was pretty obvious to everyone in town that I wasn't okay, that I could no longer put on my facade and keep going. Even Hannah would tap on the window when Steph was asleep and just talk to me for a little while. It was comforting to know everyone cared, but on the other hand, I really only needed support from the group of people in the living room. Rae and Kristen were the only ones who'd made an effort to talk to me. Even so, they mostly let me be by myself to write in my journal. Be that as it may, everytime they left the room I was crushing the pills Zack gave me to snort them and raking that ugly, blood-stained blade across my skin. My will was wearing down, I was fading again.


"Jessie?" Steph tapped on her bedroom door, slowly stepping through it. "Alex really wants you to come out and talk to him. He said he doesn't care if you take two months to stay in here alone and write, he's not giving up on you."


I shook my head, closing the journal that held my deepest secrets. Stephanie handed me a cold beer and offered a smile, knowing I wasn't going to leave her room.


"Well, he's out here and he said he'll stay all night if he has to. Love you bestie."


"Love you too angel face."


I scribbled more words, so many words, across that tiny journal paper. Spilling my guts to something that couldn't tell me how fucked up I was. Writing about Alex, Kelly, mom, dad and even myself. I cried into that journal, I bled on that journal, I snorted lines with paper from that journal. With every word I could feel myself breaking down a little more. Nothing was fair, not a fucking thing. What did I do to deserve this life? Honestly, what did I do?


"Baby?" I hadn't even heard the door open, let alone the knock. I was thankful I hadn't been caught doing anything more severe than cramping my hand with furious writing. "Just let me talk before you flip shit."


I closed my journal, again, and reach for my beer. Kelly sat down on the edge of the bed with tears lingering in her eyes. Fucking cry, bitch, I hope it hurts.


She pushed her glasses up on her head and wiped away the tears, shaking her head to herself. At least she seemed ashamed of her actions.


"Nothing happened with Alex. Hear me out," she began, lighting up a joint and passing it my way. "Dennis has been calling your mom since the forth. The day you guys got back he told me he had to work but ended up going over there. He let it slip. I know that doesn't excuse me falling asleep with Alex, but it was one night that he'd been on the phone with her for hours. If you left the room at any point in the last few days, you'd realize Dennis hasn't been here. He keeps telling me he's at work and sleeping in his car, but I'm not an idiot. I didn't do anything wrong to make you hate me, Jessie. I'm so sorry it seems that way. Now please, come out and talk to us. You need us just as much as we need you."


My gut was telling me to punch her in the face while I had the chance, but I knew that if I ignored her pleas that eventually people would come sit with me constantly. Without speaking a word, I finished my beer and walked past Kelly, right into the living room. Kristen was on the floor playing my video games, Jack was curled up with Steph and Alex sat alone in the chair. All of their eyes lit up when they saw me, even more when Kelly came out of the room with no blood on her face. I quietly sat on the ground and stared at the screen.


"I missed you," Stephanie bent over, kissing my cheek as she wrapped her arms around my shoulder. "I know everything is fucked up but you're too strong to let it kill you."


Sadly, I nodded my head and let my eyes trail to Alex. He was watching me closely, almost afraid to talk to me or come sit near me. I did my best to muster a smile and pat the ground beside me. Without a second thought, he slid off the seat and wrapped his arms around my body. It took everything in me not to break down crying right then and there.


"So, uh, Dennis is fucking my mom, huh?"


Kristen busted out laughing while Kelly seemed to be fighting tears. Stephanie punched me in the shoulder, silently telling me to shut up.


"We don't know that for sure," she blurted out. "We just know they're good friends."


Stephanie handed me a new beer as I curled up against Alex's chest. Fuck, I missed the way his heartbeat sounded and the way he always smelled so good. Just as I started thinking that things could go back to normal, the phone rang. Kelly jumped up to answer it, and I could tell it was Dennis. She put the phone on speaker. It was quiet, but there was a noise in the background... A board squeaked. I knew where he was. Kelly sighed as she hung up the phone, being told Dennis would be at work all night again.


"He's at my mom's," I mumbled, drinking my beer. "I know that noise anywhere."


"Are you sure?" Kelly managed, tears in her eyes. "Because I don't want to start a fight if there isn't one."


Somehow, I seemed to feel frozen in time. Kelly and Steph were ranting on and on about how to deal with this, but I couldn't help but imagine how all of this could go wrong. Dennis was a spiteful person, even if he was a great dad and a great friend. If he and my mother did start something, the would mean Steph would move out of here and we'd leave Alex and Jack behind. Then, we'd have to worry about the two of them breaking up, in which case I know Dennis would forbid Rae and I from being friends. My gut was turning. We had to stop this before it started.


"Alex, where's that car you were talking about last month?"


"I drove it here. Did you seriously not notice that there was another car in the driveway?"


"Steph, stay with Kris. Jack, stay with Steph. Alex, Kells, let's go."


No one argued with me as we all parted way. Alex and I curled up in the backseat while Kelly drove Alex's car like a bat out of Hell all the way to my mom's house, which was about forty-five minutes away. Before the car even came to a stop, I was out of the backdoor, Kelly following behind me. It was pretty obvious once I hit the backdoor that there was some sort of party going on here. I rose an eyebrow as I stepped through the door, my sister and a whole group of her friends dancing shitfaced in the kitchen. I moved past them quickly before anyone could stop me.


I scanned the entire house but there was no sign of my mom or Dennis, until I realized that the bathroom door had been shut for much too long. I slowly crept up to it and opened it, seeing my mom on the sink and Dennis about to kiss her. I gasped loudly, which brought Kelly's attention on me. She went after my mom and Dennis staggered back.


"What the fuck are you doing?" She screamed, making my mom laugh. "Do you think this is funny?"


"I don't," I spoke up, my eyes holding sadness. "I think the two of you are going to tear their family - my family- apart."


Having said that, I left Kelly to fight her battle alone. I ventured off into the kitchen and spotted a full bottle of wine on the counter. Chances are my sister had moved her party to the front of the house, anyway. With my palm locked on the glass, I tossed back the bottle and drank as much of it as I could before the taste made me want to vomit. I did not like wine.


"You drink a lot for a skinny girl."


My eyes nearly popped out of my head. I wiped my mouth and stared at the incredibly large man in front of me. He easily weighed three-fifty to four-hundred pounds. His hair was bright green, he was shitfaced and his hands were coming straight at my body. I backed up against the counter and brought the bottle back to my lips, drinking as much as I could to make him keep his distance. However, by the time I'd finished half the bottle, he was standing directly in front of me.


"You sure are pretty," he smirked. "What do you say we go somewhere alone?"


"No," I shook my head. "I have to leave, actually."


"No you don't," he put his arm in front of the counter to keep me from moving. "We're just getting to know each other."


"I, uh-" Come on, Jess, think of how to get out of here. "Alex!"


The man rose an eyebrow, but kept on smiling. His hands were now running up and down my side. I'd been in bad situations before, but at least then I could fend for myself. I knew I stood no chance with this guy. When his hand made its way to my breast, I had a feeling Alex hadn't heard me and I was screwed, but that's when the back door flew open. Alex came running into the room, I guess he'd been out by the car and barely heard me through the open window.


"Let's go, Jess," Alex extended his hand to me, staring the guy up and down. "Now."


"Chill out, bro, we were just having fun."


"Go have fun with someone who doesn't have a boyfriend and someone a bit more willing."


With the bottle still in my hand, I pushed past the guy and led Alex to my bedroom. Closing the door, we both sat down on the couch as I curled up into his chest. From here, I could clearly hear the fight going on the bathroom. Kelly was crying, mom and Dennis were fighting. I brought the bottle back to my lips and tried to shake the screams from my ears.


"I'm really glad you decided to forgive me, Jessie," Alex kissed my forehead, looking around my room. "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't."


"You would have been fine. But Alex? Never make me have to forgive you for anything again. I don't give out second chances well."


"Never again, babe."


With a smile on his lips, he leaned down to kiss me for the first time in two weeks. My heart started beating fast the moment I tasted his lips. Maybe this is why I was so emotionally invested in Alex - When he kissed me, or held me, I didn't feel like such a horrible person. He made me feel like I was worth the air I breathe.


I relaxed into the kiss, running my fingers through his perfect hair. Alex smiled against my lips and gently pushed me back on the couch. He held himself up by his left elbow, while his rant hand grazed my skin under my shirt. My breathing began to pick up as his lips pulled away from my own, only to reconnect with my neck. I arched my back slightly and tugged on his hair a little harder, surpressing a moan as his teeth grazed my collar bone.


Alex had just began to kiss his way down my body, his lips meeting my hip bone which made me quiver, before we heard Kelly's voice calling for us throughout the house. He sat up with a frustrated look on his face and I giggled, knowing that now wasn't the right time for us to have sex, anyway.


"Come on, lover boy," I pulled myself off the couch and extended my arm to him. "We must leave this place behind."


Alex snickered, taking my hand to pull himself up.


"Let's home James and Steph had better luck tonight."


"You think?"


"Probably not," Alex shrugged, a smile on his lips. "But I do intend to finish this eventually."


"Yeah.. Eventually, but until then, there's drama in our future."


Alex pulled me close this chest and led me through the house. We'd just stepped off the last step and were making our way to the car when my mom came flying out of the house. At first, I thought she was going to start a fight, but her eyes grew soft as she grabbed my arm.


"The laywer called today. We go to court next week. I'll pick you up Thursday."


My heart shattered into a million tiny pieces.

Notes

You did it! So here's the update I promised! Think we should make this routine?