My dad tried to talk to me several times on the way to the hospital, but each time I turned my music up louder. "Feeling This" came on, and I threw my iPod down in disgust. My dad saw his chance. "Honey, when did this start?"
"Last year."
"When Ben died?"
I nodded. Ben was my cousin, who I'd always been close with. We talked about everything, and he even liked All Time Low, just like me. Last year, he killed himself. He'd seemed so unhappy the weeks leading up to it. When he didn't open up to me about it, I knew something was wrong. I blamed myself for not helping, but I was also jealous. Jealous that he just got out of the world so easily. My escape was music, his was death. My escape was becoming less and less effective.
"Honey, you know you can talk to me and your mother any time."
I nodded, even though that wasn't an option. The only family member I would talk to about it was Ben, and he was gone.
We pulled up to the hospital. Blake was in bad shape; he was still in a coma. My mom sat beside him, holding his hand. In the corner stood Jack. I went to hug him, and he kissed my forehead and said "I'm so sorry." I had a feeling he meant something other than Blake. I stayed for about fifteen minutes, but it eventually got too stuffy. The nurses kept coming in and out, and my dad kept trying to talk to me and awkwardly lift my spirits. It didn't work. I couldn't handle it any more; I walked right back outside to the car. I sat in the front seat and started to cry. It was suposed to be the perfect night! I was finally starting to get out of the rut I was in, and Blake knew the concert would make me feel so much better. And it did. Meeting Alex lifted my spirits tremendously. My brother getting shot was horrible, and I still have no idea who could do such a thing. But it was my dad telling me the bands don't save lives that really killed me. He didn't know. I cried until I could cry no more. When there were no more tears to be shed, I started to sing.
"Give me therapy, I'm a walking travesty, but I'm smiling at everything." I sniffed, and my voice was nasally when I sang the next part. "Therapy, you were never a friend to me-"
"You can choke on your misery" a voice sang from the backseat.
"HOLY SHIT!" I screamed and turned around. "Jesus Christ, Alex, what the hell?!" Alex smiled. "Jack texted me saying you were in bad shape at the hospital, so I came over and got in the car when you came out."
I breathed out harshly. "You scared the hell out of me, god damn it. My heart is going like a thousand miles an hour."
Alex chuckled. "So, I could tell you were holding back in the bus. Can you tell me your story?"
I nodded, took a deep breath, and started.

Notes

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