If These Sheets Were The States [Alex Gaskarth Fanfic]

chapter one // make it a sweet sweet good bye

I watched the scenery pass by me. Tree after tree. Truck after truck. I've been stuck in this passenger seat for hours now. Honestly, I never want to leave. I lolled my head to my left and saw the best thing in my life. My first and only true love.

The window was cracked open a little bit, which caused his hair to sway under his black beanie. His big brown eyes held sadness in them even though he was trying to cover it up with a slight smile. His left hand was on the steering wheel and his right was tightly gripped to my hand.

Staring down at our hands, clinging to each other for dear life, reminded me of the beginning. Before everything had to change. Before we were forced to make normal life decision for ourselves, that didn't involve being with each other. We were growing up. But not together. I started to think back to the days he would try to make perfect dates for me but they would always end in diaster. I remember how much I loved falling asleep on his chest, listening to his heart beat. Sophmore year, when he would sneak into my house through my window just so we could fall asleep together. I remember how much I loved how he would hold me when I was sad and how he always made me feel like I am beautiful.

But now we have to say goodbye. I wouldn't get to see him everyday. I wouldn't get to touch him everyday. Hear his voice or his laugh. This was it.

We were only about an hour away from the University of Michigan and even though we spent 7 hours in this car together it still feels so strange. I started to think back about all the terrible times. Any of our stupid fights. The times I screwed up or just made him sad. The times when we wouldn't talk for a couple days. The times when I questioned whether or not I wanted to still be with him. I could feel the tears coming in as I looked over at him and squeezed his hand tighter. His beautiful eyes met mine and thats when I was pushed over the edge. I felt my lip tremble as tear after tear came streaming down my cheeks. This whole 7 hours I've been able to keep myself calm and haven't cried once. But now reality has finally set in that i have to leave him. I won't see him till Christmas or maybe not even until then.

He released my hand and pulled over the side of the road turning off the car and walking out into the rain. I didn't really understand what he was doing, but I was too caught up in my own numbness to question it.

He carefully opened up my door and lifted me up onto his lap, replacing my spot in the seat. I looked at him with my tear filled eyes and softly placed my hand on his cheek. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest. I could feel my whole body shake with sobs. I was a mess. I was just heartbroken.

"I know baby, it's okay," He whispered into my ear, placing soft kisses on my head every now and then. This just made me feel even more sad. I didn't want to leave him. I never wanted to leave him and I wish I could have held myself together.

After about 20 minutes, of me crying my eyes out and him trying to make me feel better, I nuzzled my cheek onto his chest and let out my last remaining sniffles. I wiped at my remained tears and said barely above a whisper, "Tell me to stay."

"What?" He let out a soft chuckle.

I turned around so I was facing him and looking him in the eye. "Tell me to stay. Tell me you love me and tell me I'm doing the wrong thing. Please, Alex. Please." I wimpered as more tears started to fall.

"Ella, I can't do that and you know it," He spoke softly, sadness laced in his voice and he brushed the tears off my cheek with his thumb and rested his hand there. "This is you're dream, El. This is what you've been wanted to do for as long as I've known you. I know it's hard to say goodbye, but its not the end, Ella."

I wanted so badly to believe that it wasn't the end. But a big part of me knew it was. Alex's band is really taking off and I'm going to be miles and miles away from him for 4 years. I want to believe that he won't find someone new. But I know he will. There's always somewhere out there who is better than me, and Alex is perfect and could do so much better.

"What if it is the end Alex? What if when I leave you find someone else? What if you stop loving me?" I cringed at my own words. I never thought I would have to ask these awful questions, the ones I've been dreading ever since I got accepted into my dream college.

"It's not the end. I will call you every night and visit you as much as I can. Ella, listen to me," He said more seriously as he grabbed the sides of my face and gazed into my eyes.

"I will never, ever, stop loving you. Ella, I love you so fucking much it scares me. I'm scared that you will find someone else too. But even if you did, or if I did, I would never stop loving you. Its fucking impossible. I know this sounds really cheesy but you honestly have my heart, all of my fucking heart and I don't want it back Ella. Ever." He said as he whiped more tears away from my cheeks. My eyes were still locked to his. I leaned into him and rested my forehead onto his gazing into his beautiful brown eyes.

"I won't ever stop loving you, Alex. I love you." I whispered to him, closing my eyes and placing my lips onto his. It was a simple kiss but still held so much love in it. After the kiss we just sat there in silence, just holding onto each other for dear life.

This was it. We were growing up but not together. I was losing the one I loved the most in the whole world.

Notes

hey guys my first story on the website holllaaa