I Feel Like A Hero

I sit on the couch in the living room waiting. Where's Jack? He left about forty five minutes ago! How long does it take to get his stuff? It's not like he's done this several times before. I sigh and listen to "Anything At All" by Artist Vs Poet while watching out the window.

My dad comes downstairs and stops when he sees Jack isn't here.

"Where's Jack?" he asks. I look out the window and shrug.

"He left forty five minutes ago to get stuff for the night and didn't come back." I tell him. "I don't know where he is."

"Did you try calling him?" my dad asks.

"His phone is dead." i mutter.

"Call his house."

"I'll just drive over there." i say. He nods and I stand to grab my keys. "I'll be back in a few." i say. He nods and I walk outside. I see Rian pulling up and stand on the porch. He gets out and walks over to me. "Hey, Ri."

"Hey, Alex. Where are you going?"

"Jack's. He didn't come back, so i wanted to go see what was keeping him." i say.

"Don't you think you're being a bit clingy?" He asks, putting his hands on his hips. I shake my head. "You're with him all the time. I think you should spend some time away from him. We should go somewhere."

"Back up. I'm not clingy!" i say loudly. He gives me a look. "He died. If Cassadee died and came back, wouldn't you not want to let her out of your sight?" I ask him.

"I would if it meant spending time with other people. Relationships aren't about hanging out with just that person and isolating them." Rian explains. "Come on, Lex."

"But what if he comes back and I'm not there?" I ask.

"He'll be just fine. C'mon. Zack and I were heading up to a baseball game and Cassadee just backed out so we have an extra ticket." Rian says, grabbing my arm and dragging me to the car. I groan, knowing i have no choice.

I get in the back and Zack turns towards me smling.

"Hey, bro." Zack greets. "Ready?"

"Sure." i say. He smiles and turns around as Rian starts driving. They turn on the radio and have their own conversation. I look out the window and sigh, wanting to be with Jack.

Maybe I'm clingy. So? It's not so bad if you knew what our past was like. I mean I tried to kill myself... twice. I was anorexic. Jack had Cancer. He died of pneumonia. He came back and I didn't see him for months until he came to the last date of tour. He's kept me sane. Rian doesn't understand.

But where could Jack have gone? I almost feel like asking Rian to drive past his house, but then he'll think I'm too clingy. I'm not fucking clingy. Luckily I don't have to ask Rian to drive past his house, he goes that way anyway. As we pass I see his car is in the driveway, but the door isn't open. Usually his door is open if he's home.

Where is he?

I grab my phone and text him.

Hey, Jacky. I'm going to a baseball game with Rian and Zack, but we just passed your house. Where are you?-Lex

It takes about... a half hour to get to the field from Jack's house so I wait and wait for a reply. I get nothing. I sigh and shove my phone in my pocket as I get out of the car. We go into the stadium and I groan. I don't want to be here.

"Rian... do I have to stay here?"

"Considering I'm your ride, yes." he says. I sigh and roll my eyes, following behind him. "Cheer up. It's going to be fun!"

"No."

"Yes." Zack says.

---After the Game---

We get back into Rian's car and I grab my phone out of my pocket. I turn it on as Rian starts to drive and see Jack hasn't texted me yet.

Where is he? I-

My thoughts are distracted when the radio turns on. Thank god.

It's "First Class Liar" by Skyway Traffic. I start to sing along, but then realize it's almost over so I just enjoy it while I can.

"All I ever wanted to shout at you, all i ever wanted to shout at you, all i ever wanted to scream at you," RIan, Zack and I scream. "All I ever wanted was to watch you fucking drown!"

We start laughing and I smile, forgetting about Jack for the time being. Rian and Zack know what's best for me. I should just trust them and go with what they think. Screw what I think. Everything I've thought and done has been shit anyway besides the band thing.

"We should walk on the street and see who recognizes us." RIan suggests. We look at Zack who nods and then they look at me. "You up for it, Mr. Clingy?"

"I'm not clingy!" i groan. Rian just giggles and pulls up to my house. "C'mon so I can come home and sleep."

"Why do you need sleep?" Zack asks as we get out.

"Because I'm Alex Gaskarth and I can do what I want." I say. They roll their eyes and we head down the street. We see a couple of our friends, i mean RIan's friends, as we walk and they walk over to us.

"All Time Low! Rian! Haven't seen you guys in a while." Rian's friend, Tyler says.

"Hey, Tyler!" Rian greets, high fiving him.

"Did Jack really die?" Tyler asks, his voice quiet.

"No! He's off somewhere and not answering his phone." Rian says. Tyler nods.

"He never charged his phone." I mutter. Tyler looks at me and I look down at my hands.

"Aren't you dating him?" Tyler asks. I look up and nod a little. "My girlfriend absolutely loves you two together. And Rian. You and Cassadee are a good couple too."

"Zack you need a date now." I say, patting Zack's shoulder. "I can help."

"I'm not looking for a boy." Zack says. I glare at him and hit him. "FIne, you can help me."

"Alex, I should tell you something." Tyler says. I look at him, confused. "At graduation, since you guys were touring, Derek, the jock who bullied you, apologized for everything."

"I'm sure he doesn't mean it." I sigh.

"He did. He apologized to Zack too." he says. "He didn't realize what you had been through and yeah. Now he's a huge fan of your band."

"Ew." i mutter. "Rian, when can I go home and wonder where Jack is?"

"After I know you've had a good day." he says. I smile sarcastically and turn.

"Then we can go." i say, starting to walk and Rian grabs my arm. "Rian." i groan.

"Lex, c'mon." he sighs. I just stand there and cross my arms over my chest. "Why are you in such a bad mood?"

"Because I know Jack ditched me." I mutter, turning and walking away. I head to my house and when I get there, I run up to my room. I rummage around, looking for something.

Jack ditched me. i know it. He was obviously picked up at his house and he's hanging out with someone else. It's probably someone more attractive than me, someone more talented than me (which isn't that hard to be), someone who's just better than me.

Maybe he's cheating on me and he's hanging with that person. I'm not good enough for him. Even I know that. He needs someone better than me, so instead of breaking up with me and hurting me, he's cheating on me which just hurts me even more. Yes I'm aware of how stupid that sounds.

I pull a pencil sharpener out of a box filled with pencils and set it on my desk. I sit in the chair and rest my head on the desk, just staring at the pencil sharpener. I just want to unscrew the razor and use it as my thoughts eat me alive.

Maybe he's ignoring me. He's clearly ignoring me because he can't go this long without his phone. His Twitter is on there. It's clearly not dead. I know Jack enough to know that.

It makes sense on why he's ignoring. Maybe he thinks I'm clingy too, like Rian does. While I can live without Jack for maybe a few days, I don't want to. Not knowing where he would be would kill me and I feel like if he did go somewhere for a few days, I'd probably relapse even though I'm getting a bit better.

I reach for my phone and pull up Jack's contact. I hit call and call him. it goes straight to voicemail. I tap my foot on the ground as I wait for the beep to leave a message.

"Hey, Jack. Um... so... you left my house and never came back. I'd love to know where you are because right now I'm flipping out and... just call me back." i say, hanging up. No I love you. Nothing.

I put my phone down and stare at my pencil sharpener again. No Alex.

"Alex!" my dad shouts. I don't answer. My door opens and I turn on my chair to face the door. "What are you doing?"

"Staring at a pencil sharpener, trying not to relapse." i mutter.

"Is this all over Jack not coming back over and not answering his phone?"

"Dad, this may seem like a stupid problem to you, but to me, it's so much more. My mind is turning on me and telling me that he ditched me, or that he's cheating on me, or that he's ignoring me! I don't know how to stop it!" I tell him.

"Calm down." he says. I clench my fists and bury my head in my hands. "Jack isn't ditching you. He isn't cheating on you. He isn't ignoring you. He probably had last minute stuff to do."

"Whatever." i mutter, walking over to my bed and lying down.

"I'm off to work." he says. I nod and he leaves shutting the door. I eye my phone and my pencil sharpener on the desk.

Maybe one cut. I walk over to it and pick up the pencil sharpener, examining it. Before i realize what I'm doing, the razor is against my arm. Not sliding across my arm. Just resting against it. I'm about to pull it across whenmy door opens. I look up, razor still in place.

"Alex!" Rian shrieks, running over to me. He grabs my hand and takes the razor away from me. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"I was going to cut, what did it look like?"

"Why?!" he shrieks. I see Cassadee behind him and plop onto my bed.

"You were right... I'm clingy." i mutter, placing my hands over my eyes and groaning. "Jack not answering his phone and ditching me is causing my thoughts to clutter up in my head and I couldn't take it."

"Alex, this isn't the answer. At all." Rian says. I move my hands and look at him. "You know it's not." Next thing I know, I see a camera peeking from behind Cassadee's shoulder as she stands in the doorway, but I ignore it since Rian hasn't noticed it.

"I don't."

"Yes you do." Rian says, sitting next to me and making sure the razor is out of reach from me. "Talk it out. This, " he shows me the razor. "Is not the answer. I know Jack isn't answering his phone and Cassadee and I checked to see if he was home and he isn't. We don't know where he went, but wherever he is, I'm sure he's okay. He knows what he's doing, let's just let him do what he's doing now and question him when he gets back, okay?" he asks. I nod knowing there's no way i could win this argument.

"Matt! What are you doing?" Cassadee asks, turning to him. "This was a private conversation! Why'd you film it?"

"Because, it's backstage stuff, why not?" He asks. I groan.

"Everyone knows what i've done to myself. It doesn't matter." I sigh. Cass nods and walks over to Rian and me. "But where could he have gone? If he's not home?"

"Who knows? He's Jack and he has a passport. He could be headed to another country right now." Rian laughs. I look at him. "You know he's not. C'mon. Lighten up."

"I can't. Not with Jack in my mind all the time." i say. He sighs.

"C'mon! We're going to go have fun somewhere. I don't know where yet, but you need to loosen up so Cass and I are going to take you somewhere and we're going to have fun. Got it?" Rian asks, making me stand up.

"Whatever." I mutter. I follow him outside to the car and sit in the back where I find Zack. "Why didn't you come inside?"

"I didn't feel like getting up." he says. Typical. "Rian, where are we going?"

"To have fun!"

Oh, joy.

Notes

Hey, guys! Comments would be greatly appreciated!:)
I wrote this on Wattpad so I could save it and work on it whenever, so as I was working on it, something glitched and my computer crashed and i only had the part I saved and I saved something I completely got rid of so I had to rewrite everything I have written now, so I hope this one is good. If that was confusing sorry, it doesn't matter if you know what I'm talking about, just thought I'd share!
Title Credit: Where I'm Gonna Be by Artist Vs Poet
-Jenna<3