Sick Little Games

Jack's POV:

"BECAUSE HE WONT LEAVE MY FUCKING HEAD, RIAN!" I stormed out of Rian's house and ran. Where I was going, I don't know. I ran and ran until my legs finally gave way from underneath me. I collapsed and just sobbed. The ground below me was damp and soft. The air started to grow chilly and the night was starting to settle in. My crying had stopped long ago and I was only occasionally sniffling now. I sat up from my previous position of being curled up in a ball. I realised I was sat in the old park just down from my school. K used to come here a lot as a kid. A bunch of old and happy memories flooded my brain, forcing me to reminisce about the times before I was an asshole. One memory in particular stuck in my mind longer than the others. That one day changed my life.

*Flashback*

It was a beautiful summers day in Baltimore. My friend, Oli, and I were in the park, as usual. Our fourteen year old selfs were sitting on the swings, laughing and checking out the girls who walked by in tight shorts and cropped tops. Well, when I say 'we', I meant Oli. I just agreed with what he was saying. I didn't find any of these girls hot or attractive in any way, shape or form.
"Oli?" He hummed in response. "Have you ever, umm, thought that guys were attractive before?" My voice was quiet, my question coming out as a whisper. His head snapped round.
"No. It's wrong. You can't like people of the same sex, Jack. It's disgusting. Wait, are you saying you're gay?!"
I'd been thinking about this for a while. There was this guy at school that I'd been secretly crushing on. I'd told myself on multiple occasions that it was just a phase and it'd pass soon. It stayed for a year. I'd started to notice how attractive Vic was when I was thirteen. I'd noticed his legs first, and how they were thin and how his skinny jeans made them look longer than they actually were. His torso was toned and he had perfect bone structure. He had shoulder-length hair that was sometimes curly and sometimes straight. Both looked amazing on him, framing his soft-featured face perfectly, but I always preferred his hair curly. His voice, even before it broke, was low and gravely; it held such a dark and mysterious tone that lured you in. He was Mexican so his skin was a dark tan, it suited him perfectly. He was perfect, in my eyes anyway.
"Well...I think I might be. I've been crushing on Vic Fuentes for over a year." I stared at the ground, scared. Oli stood up and marched over to where I was sat.
"YOU'RE TELLING ME I'VE HANGING AROUND WITH A FAGGOT ALL THIS TIME?!" I nodded, not trusting my voice.
"YOU DISGUST ME JACK. IT'S WRONG. YOU'RE WRONG. YOU'RE A FAGGOT, JACK. I CAN'T EVEN STAND TO LOOK AT YOU. I'M OUT!" Tears welled up in my eyes as I say back and watched my best friend, of 10 years, turn his back on me. I sobbed until my mum came out looking for me when it turned midnight.

*End of flashback*

Tears, once again, spilled out of my eyes. Since that day, I vowed never to act upon my sexuality. I vowed never to even think about another guy in that way before. Everyone at school thinks I'm this popular guy who sleeps around with any girl that puts it out. Truth is, I'm a gay sixteen year old guy who's not even gotten a hand job off anyone else other than myself. But, since Alex came on the scene, my feelings came back. I've tried so hard to deny them, I tried to get Alex to hate me so I wouldn't have to deal with him. Ever since Alex started at school, I couldn't get his beautiful face out of my head. Every time I closed my eyes, he was there, he filled my dreams. He was imprinted on my brain. He's perfect. When I found out that he cut, I just wanted to hold him. Yes, I know I'd only known him less than a day but I felt a connection. I guess you could say it was love at first sight. When he toldthe entire fucking form that he was gay during his little outburst, I wanted to jump up and down. I had to bite my cheek to stop myself from smiling.

I guess you could say I hated myself for being gay. I lost, not only my best friend, but a brother to me due to my sexuality. Zack and Rian have never known, we used to joke about it, sure, but I always shrugged it off. I'm pretty sure after me blurting out that I can't get Alex out of my head, they've all got an idea that I do swing that way. Fuck, Alex was sat next to Rian. Now he knows. Way to fuck this up, Jack! One of the reasons why I never pushed the girls off me at school was to hide my true sexuality, I guess I could do that now. Maybe I could even be with Alex?

Don't be stupid, Jack. Why would he like you? After everything you've done and said to him, do you really think he'd like you back? Fuck no. I got up from my spot sat on the grass and started my walk home. It wouldn't take long and it was nice to have time to think and gather my thoughts. I walked through my front door at 11pm. I was immediately greeted by my mother, a worried look plastered on her face.
"Jack, where have you been? I thought you'd done it again, you know, after Oli? Jack, sweetie, why are your eyes all puffy? Have you been crying?" I couldn't hold it in any more, I broke down again. I fell into my mother's arms.
"Come on, Jack. What's happened?"
"Y-you know w-when Oli and I s-stopped talking?" She nodded. "It was b-because I told h-him a secret...t-that I've n-not told anyone e-else."
"Go on, sweetie, you know you can trust me. And no matter what it is, you're still my son and nothing will ever change that."
"No m-matter?" I was sobbing now, feeling eight again being held by my mum after a bad nightmare.
"No matter. I love you."
"I love y-you too mum. It's just, Oli s-stopped talking to me b-because I told h-him that...that I'm g-gay." My mum chuckled and started stroking my hair.
"Oh, sweetie. Is that what's been up with you all these years?" I nodded, relieved that she hasn't flipped her shit at me yet. "You know, Jack? I always had my suspicions. It's okay though. You're still you." My sobbing had reduced dramatically by now, I smiled, knowing that I had my mum to support me at least.
"Thanks, mum. How did you know thought?" I felt her laugh again.
"Sweetie, you've got blonde streaks in your hair, you went dressed as a fairly for halloween last year and you can't tell my that those jeans you wear are for guys." Oh.
"That obvious, huh?"
"Yup, go to bed, Jacky: you're cold and no doubt you're tired. I love you." She pressed a kiss to my forehead and released me from her hug. I traipsed up the stairs and went to sleep happy, for once, knowing that I'm finally on the road to become who I really am.

Notes

Heyy...again

I'm kind of proud of this...woah that makes me sound really conceited, I'm not, I swear.
Thank you for the subs and the comments, it does mean a lot to me.

Cheers
Em x