Trigger warning: self harm.

Alex's POV:

The rest of my first day remained pretty uneventful. I just followed Jack around like some lost puppy and he thought it would be hilarious to call me a fag every chance he got. I did make one friend when I had English later on in the day. Her name is Cassadee and she's lovely. She was so kind to me and even told Jack to shut up when he started his usual name calling. The only downfall? Cassadee is Rian's girlfriend. It did't occur to me that Rian was the well-built guy with the buzz cut. Naturally, Rian and her are always with each other but, in turn, that means Jack's always near by. I guess I'm just unlucky. Some things never change.

Throughout the day though, I often found my eyes shamelessly checking Jack out. I can't deny that he's attractive because, hell, he's beautiful. I stop myself from thinking about him in this way many times. Why? Firstly, I've not even known him a day, secondly, he's done nothing but insult my sexuality and thirdly, he's not gay. Literally all day, the slutty cheerleaders having been all over him and he's just loved it. Can't blame him, really. Any positive attention from anyone is nice to have.

-

As I walk home from my first day at Dulaney, I realise a few things, but one point pretty much covers everything: these next few years will be absolute hell. I decide to take a detour on my way home to try and get to know Baltimore a little better. I come across this little woodland area that it fenced off. Despite the fence giving the indication that I shouldn't even be near here let alone actually inside, I go in anyway. I stumble over a log, sit down on a tree stump and allow my thoughts to consume me.

I don't know how long I've been sitting here but I'm brought out of my thoughts by my phone blasting Dammit by Blink-182. I get lost in the music before I realise that it's my ringtone and someone is trying to get hold of me. My phone cuts off as I'm rummaging through my bag trying to find it. It starts ringing again and I find it instantly. It was right under my hand, how did I not see it? A sudden pang of guilt rushes over me when I see the caller I.D: Mum.
"Alexander William Gaskarth, where are you?" She's practically yelling down the phone. I wince at her tone as memories of my old school come flooding back.
"Sorry, I went for a walk and kind of lost track of time. I'll be back shortly." She sighs before hanging up. I gather my things and start to head back.

I sort of recognise where I am but I can't seem to place where exactly. Maybe I'll just walk around till I come across somewhere that I know for sure. I find the end of my street within minutes. I wasn't as lost as I first thought. But that's when I see him.

Walking down the street in between two, slightly smaller yet stockier, guys is none other than Jack fucking Barakat. Why does this always happen to me?
"Oh look, it's the faggot." Fucking great. I recognise the two others now I'm closer: Zack and Rian. I shoot Rian an urgent glance in hope that he'll step in with him knowing about Cassadee and I's friendship. Nope. Nothing. What was I even trying to achieve? I try Zack, remembering that he saved my ass in form this morning, but he's just staring at the ground, kicking a stone between his shoes. Jack steps closer to me.
"Aww, is the little fag crying?" I don't even know I was until he pointed it out. This just keeps on getting better. Jack grabs the collar of my shirt and twists it in his fist, making me step closer to him.
"You know, you're even uglier close up. I bet you're one of those emos too." I'm pretty sure he can feel my heart beating in my chest. Jack lifts my arms and looks at them closely, his face showing defeat when he discovers no scars or cuts. That's the thing, no one checks your hips or your thighs. I zone out as he starts throwing more insults at me. I don't even notice him throw me onto the floor till I hear a satisfied laugh echo through the street. He bends down to my level, his face centimetres from mine.
"I knew it! I fucking knew you were an emo. Thought no one would think to look at your hips?" Well, yeah, kind of. "You're pathetic!" With that he stands up, and walks away beckoning for Rian and Zack to follow. They do so, but not before throwing me an apologetic smile.

-

I can't stop thinking about what Jack said: "You're pathetic!" He's not wrong. I know I'm pathetic. Large tears spill from my eyes and land on my pale blue bedding, sitting there for a few seconds before being absorbed, leaving a slightly darker blue patch. I get up and walk over to my desk, I find what I've been craving. What I've been needing. My blade. I smile, knowing that the pain will soon be released. I walk into the bathroom and strip down to my boxers, standing, once again, in front of the mirror. I start to sob. I hate myself. I never used to, I always used to be so happy, so carefree. Where did that Alex go? Oh yeah, that Alex was beaten out of this hollow shell that now stands staring back at me. I'm not a person. I'm a shell of nothing but pain and self-hatred.

I pick the blade up from the sink where I placed it, my hands trembling slightly. I sank the blade into my thigh, not caring if it was deep or not. I repeated this once, twice, three times until I looked down at what I had done. Without realising, I'd carved one word into my leg: pathetic. I stand and stare into the mirror, still sobbing, for however long. I sink to the floor and sob even harder into my hands, leg still bleeding, blood still trickling down my leg and decorating the floor with little crimson droplets. I'm so caught up in my own emotions to even be acutely aware of my surrounds. The next thing I know, the bathroom door is slowly being opened and my mother's soothing voice is filling the emptiness.
"Alex, honey, are you okay? What's the ma-/gasp/" Her sentence was cut short by a gasp. I look up, and I realise that she's seen everything. Her face is totally emotionless, her eyes glistening with tears. I begin to sob even harder.
"I'm sorry, mum, I'm s-sorry." I continually apologise in between sobs. My mum still standing there, rooted to the spot. My breathing starts getting heavier, my vision starts to blur around the edges and my head is pounding. I can't stop what's happening. I don't know what's happening. The room begins to spin before the blue of the bathroom tiles and mum's face, now filled with worry and panic, turn to black.

Notes

Wooo, third chapter in one day :)
I'm really sorry the beginning is shitty
I'll try and do another update tonight but I've got to pack clothes for going on holiday tomorrow :/

thanks :)
Em