Trigger Warning: Self harm

Alex's POV:

I was rudely awoken be Jack's alarm blaring in my ear. I rolled over and checked the time: 7:00...time to get up for school. Unfortunately, Joyce hadn't come in to tell us that the school was closed again so I assumed that it was open. Yay. I'd stayed at Jack's again and it was nice to just get away from my mum for a while. Don't get me wrong, I love my mum but sometimes she can just get a little too much. I get that she cares and she worries about me, more so now than before, but all the smothering of her affection can get a little sickening after a while.

I looked down at Jack next to me, his mouth parted slightly as soft snores escaped. He looked adorable. I didn't bother about the little bit of dribble that had ran out his mouth, I didn't care about any of his little imperfections because, to me, they're what made him perfect.
"Jay? Jay, come on, wake up. We've got to go to school....Jay?" I shook him lightly, trying to get him to wake up. The result: nothing, not even a twitch. Bloody hell, he's a deep sleeper.
"Jay, come on, babe." I kissed him on his lips, not caring about his morning breath because right now, I can taste him and him only. No coffee or pizza or mint, just Jack. Jack's lips started to move against mine after a few seconds.
"Sleep, Lex." I chuckled at his morning voice, it was deep and hoarse but still incredibly sexy.
"No, Jay, we've got to go to school." I kissed him again, relishing in the taste that was Jack. I couldn't get enough of it. It was hard to compare it to anything but it was just...amazing. Jack pulled away from the kiss, folded his arms across his chest and huffed.
"Fine, but only if you promise to wake me up like that every time we're together."
"You're like a four year old, Jay." Jack pouted and narrowed his eyes, looking incredibly cute.
"You still haven't promised me so until you do I'm not getting up."
"Do I have to promise? You know I will anyway." I threw the covers back, causing Jack and I to shiver from the cold air enveloping us in a chilly hug. I stood up and dragged Jack up with me.
"True." Jack kissed me on my nose then started sniggering.
"What are you laughing at?"
"You might want to, um, hide that." Jack said, pressing a finger to me neck.
"Ow, fuck! What did you do that for?"
"I have to say though, it's a pretty good one." I scoffed at Jack's conceitedness and walked over to the mirror hanging on his wall.
"Bloody hell! How am I going to hide that?"
"Good luck with that one, babe." I blushed at Jack's choice of words. I continued to inspect the vibrant purple mark that stood out against my pale skin on my neck, right below my ear. If I looked carefully, I could just about make out little teeth marks still on my skin. It was too high to hide with a scarf or a hood and too low to hide with my hair...fuck it, I'll just leave it.
"Jay, can I borrow some clothes again?"
"Already on the bed, Lex." Jack called out as he left the room to change in the bathroom.


-

Jack and I were walking to school, hand in hand. Jack seemed a little nervous and pre-occupied. I stopped walking and turned to face Jack, who had now stopped walking.
"What's up, Jay? You seem a little...off it. You seemed fine this morning."
"Um, yeah, it's just...I guess I'm just scared about what people's reactions will be about, um, well...us. I mean, I've always been known as the guy who would fuck any girl who would give herself to me...not that it's true but you know what I mean. No one had any suspicions that I'm actually gay, well, not that I know of. I left school on Monday was the straight guy and I'm walking in today as the new Jack Barakat...the gay Jack Barakat."
I let go of Jack's hand, feeling a little rejected and also a little guilty.
"I'm sorry, Jack. I'll just-"
"No, Lex, I'm not saying that this is your fault, I'm not saying that at all. I guess I'm worrying about my popularity...I don't want people to have a go at us...I don't want people bullying you again, Lex, because I know how, um, fragile you are."
I smiled up at him and grabbed his hand again.
"I'm stronger than you think, Jay."
"I know, I'm just worried...What do yo think? Shall we lay low for a bit or shall we just stick two fingers up at everyone and just act like a couple...be a couple?"
"I just want you and I to be happy...I'll do whatever necessary for that to happen."
"You said that you've been the happiest you've been in a long time when we're together so what do you say to being a couple...in and out of school? I know we're boyfriends and shit but I don't want to hide it."
"I don't want to hide it either, Jay."
"That settles it then. Come on, babe."
Jack intertwined our fingers and pecked me on the lips. We walked into school hand in hand. We didn't get any comments either, which was a bonus. Of course, we got a few stares and we saw people whispering to others as we walked past them but if that's all that's going to happen then, that's great."

-

Lunch had come round pretty quickly. Jack and I hadn't gotten a lot of shit for being a couple. We didn't expect everyone to accept it because, even though it's the twenty-first century, some people are still homophobic cunts. It actually worried me a little because of how nice everyone has been about it. Like, when Jack kissed me on my cheek in English, a few people around us commented at how cute we were, not at how disgusting two people of the same sex being together way.
"AHHHHHHHHHHH, FUCKING SHIT BALLS!"
Jack and I were sat at our usual table in the canteen with Rian, Zack and Cass. Everything seemed fine until Jack yelled out, silencing the entire room.
"What the fuck, Jack?" I turned to see Jack standing up, looking horrified. He was dripping wet. His hair was stuck to his face and his shirt was soaked through with a brown liquid: Cola.
"That'll teach you not to be a disgusting faggot, Barafag!"
I turned to see the school's football team standing around Jack and I, their arms folded across their broad chests and a smirk on every single one of their faces.
"Fuck off and leave us alone, Danny! Does mine and Jack's choices affect you? No, I don't think so!" I was yelling in Danny's face. Big. Mistake. No one ever stands up to a jock, let alone standing up to the leader of them all. Danny grabbed the collar of my shirt and twisted his fist, forcing me to stand centimetres away from his face.
"Has no one ever told you not to talk to a person like that, Gayskarth? Especially not me!"
"Shut the fuck up and let me go, Danny! No one actually gives a shit about your fucked up opinions apart from your fucking sheep behind you!" Shut the fuck up, Alex! What do you think you're doing?
"Fucking hell, the little bender has a mouth on him!" Danny's gang laughed at his lame remark. I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, probably from a punch that Danny delivered. My first instinct was to double over from the pain but Danny still had a hold on my collar, making that an impossibility.
"Just fuck off, Danny! Take a look around you! Is anyone actually happy with what's going on here? No. Everyone else has accepted Jack and Alex and if you can't do that, then you've got a serious issue." Zack had now stood up from the table was stood with Jack crying into his shoulder. Danny let go of me with a push. I released a breath I didn't realise I was holding. I turned away but only to be spun back around by my shoulder and punched square in the jaw. I fell to the floor with a yelp.
"Lex!" Jack scrambled from Zack's grip and ran over to me.
"People like you should just do everyone a favour and kill yourselves." With that, Danny left, his gang of brainless sheep following.
"Lex? You okay?" Jack had pulled me up off the floor and into his lap, stroking my jaw.
"Yeah, I'll live."
"I'm so sorry, baby. I should've pulled him off you."
"Don't be sorry, I'd rather it be me than you."
"It shouldn't be tha-" Jack was cut off by the bell. "Come on, we've got gym next anyway. I can change out of these wet clothes and you're sitting this one out."
Jack lifted me off the floor and pulled me in for a hug, continually muttering apologies.
"Shut up and stop saying you're sorry when you've got nothing to be sorry for. Come on, Jay, we're going to be late."

-

I'd been home for a while now, Mum had insisted that I spent the night here. I just wanted to be in the arms of Jack. I couldn't stop thinking about what Danny said.
"People like you should just do everyone a favour and kill yourselves."I don't think I have it in me to actually kill myself: I have too much to live for but I couldn't help but think that what Danny said was true. I felt a familiar itch at my arms...I needed to cut.

I popped the back of my phone off and pulled out the blade I had hidden there- the only blade that my mum didn't find. I rolled up the sleeve on my baseball top that I wore in bed. The scabs from last week's ordeal littered my arm. It truly did look a mess. I held the blade between my index finger and thumb and positioned it on my arm. I felt the cool metal on my skin, making my heart beat faster. I needed this, it's my only way of escaping my thoughts. I pushed down and dragged across old scars, creating a jagged cut. Blood oozed out of the cut. Just the sight of blood calmed me down. I continued to cut until my wrist had just become a sea of blood. I grabbed a stray towel of my floor and pressed it on my arm, trying to stop the bleeding. I started to feel light-headed from the blood loss. I'll be okay though, right? I pulled out my phone and clicked on Jack's contact.

To: Jay Barakitty - I'm sorry...I was wrong earlier, I'm not stronger than we thought. I'm weaker. I'm so fucking sorry.

I had just managed to hit send before I blacked out.

Notes

Hey,
Sorry I only updated once last night but I was so tired and my mum was nagging at me to do homework, I'll definitely update again tonight though.

Thank you much for all the amazing responses etc. I really does mean a hell of a lot to me.
Em x