This Ones Different

*Alex POV*

I was lying on my floor staring up at the ceiling thinking about all the things Lisa said.

Ever since Tom died you have been so clingy you can’t even be left a lone! Toms dead he’s gone, he’s never coming back! He was a depressed annoying mess any way! Let him go and man the fuck up!!

How could she say that? You know what, forget her I have Jack and he is amazing.
Jack is literally my best friend; I don’t know where I would be without him. He has been by my side through everything. Through Tom, therapy, Lisa problems, Jack has always been my shoulder to cry on. I couldn’t live without him.

He is so kind, he even helped me pack up my things to help me move and he didn’t even half to. He tried to defend me when Lisa and I got into that argument. Oh, and that kiss, I only meant for it to be a small peck but when our lips connected I just fell into it. I just wanted more, I wanted Jack. When I kissed him everything disappeared all the problems all the sadness, it all went away. I felt like I was safe, all from one kiss.

Does that mean something? The feeling I got when I kissed Jack was better than anything I have ever felt. That’s not gay; I just like kissing Jack better than any girl I have kissed ever before. I really didn’t mean to make out with Jack, I just meant for it to be a small kiss. I couldn’t stop myself I just wanted to kiss him all day, the collision of your kiss is what made it so hard. Why do I feel this way, Jack is my best friend! No Alex you don’t like Jack! You just like kissing him, that’s completely normal. I sighed in defeat

I can’t lie to myself I liked kissing Jack, I don’t know why. Yes you do the voice in the back of my head kept repeating. Maybe it was like a one time feeling, but even after the kiss my feelings keep getting stronger. My body craves more, more connection, more love, more Jack. NO! Stop, he is your best friend you can’t develop feelings for him that would ruin everything. Jack might find me disgusting and leave me; I couldn’t live anymore if Jack leaved me.

Why now? After everything why do I have to start to fall for Jack? I have to stop this feeling before it starts to control me? Why am I having these feelings now it makes no sense? Maybe it’s just because he is so kind? I never understood why Lisa never liked him. LISA! Oh my it was Lisa the whole time; she was distracting me from Jack

“Yeah Barakat listen to your little boyfriend and stay out of it!”
The things Lisa said filled my mind

“I always knew you too where gay for each other!”

Was she right? Was me dating Lisa a distraction from my feelings for Jack this whole time? Ugh I just want this to all go away! I want to feel nothing because that would be so much easier! I just want to get this off my chest but I cant, why you ask, it’s because when I need to talk about something I go to Jack. I really can’t talk to him about this now can I? What if he hates me a pushes me away? If these feelings get stronger and I fall for Jack what will happen? I can’t tell him because fear of being rejected and I can’t keep it in because it will drive me insane! Maybe he feels the same way, remember the phone call?

“Rian you don’t know that maybe he does?” Maybe I do what I really need to know what Rian said.

“That’s where you’re wrong; you see last night he also kissed me.”

Jack sounded really happy like he was bragging to Rian. No I’m just hearing what I want to hear. Jack would never like me back, ugh now I’m sounding like a middle school girl crushing on the hottest boy in school. If only it was that simple,

I have always felt this special connection with Jack, always wanting to be with him, he always had to be next to me when ever we did something, I never wanted to leave his side I just wanted to spend every possible moment with him. Ha kinda like a creepy girlfriend.

I just have to get these feeling of Jack to go away, I don’t know what I want I just want him. His lips on mine, our bodies pressed together his hand tangled in my hair kissing me roughly. The image of that was enough to give me shivers. I know what I have to do, just one more time, that’s all I want and the feeling will go away. Right?

I picked my self off the floor and walked out of my room. All I need is Jack and this will all be over, I walked down the hallway and stopped right out side of Jack’s door. I hesitated to knock, what am I even doing what if everything explodes and I loose Jack forever. Grow some balls Alexander you can’t just sit in your room having this feeling eat you alive just go in, do your stuff and it will all be over, no more feelings after you get what you need.

I knocked on Jack’s door “come in” I slowly opened the door and saw Jack sitting at the end of his bed on his phone. “Hey Lex, what’s up?” Jack put his phone away. “I was wondering if I could talk to you about something.” Jack smiled and nodded patting at a spot for me to sit on his bed. I was worried; this could either go fantastic or blow up in my face. I sat down next to Jack and looked down at my lap, I didn’t want to look at him until it was time, and I took a deep breath to calm myself down. “Jack you know how you have always been there for me, for everything?” Jack nodded “And I’m starting to notice that I would be nothing if I wasn’t for you. You mean a lot to me Jacky”

“You mean a lot to me too Lex.”

“Shh, okay? Ju-Just let me talk k?”

Jack nodded

“You mean a lot to me and I never want you to leave me. I just wan to be by your side all the time.” Jack placed his hand on my knee.
“Lex I know you said to shh but I would never leave you, ever! That’s sometime you don’t need to worry about” Jack took his hand off my knee.

“I know that but with the things I have been thinking lately I think you might” I took a deep breath “I couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss” Jack’s eyes opened wide. “I just couldn’t stop thinking about you and it was starting to drive me crazy. So I kept thinking about everything between you and me, and I… I just need to check something”

I felt like my heart was going to explode in my chest. I looked up at locked myself into Jacks eyes. “Just stop me if-, I’ll stop if you ask me to-… Just stop me, if you don’t want any of this and you feel uncomfortable, just stop me okay?” Jack looked confused and nodded. “Okay, just stay still alright?” He nodded again. Well here we go

I leaned in lightly kissed Jack, at first he didn’t kiss back witch scared me but soon after I could feel Jack kissing me back. He was ACTUALLY kissing me back!!!! This is good right?

I smiled at him and then kissed him more passionately; he seemed more than eager to kiss me back. I felt his tongue run across my bottom lip and I granted him access. Our tongues battled for dominance as he laced his fingers in my hair and I ran my hands up and down his sides. He ended up winning dominance, and we just continued to just sit there in the middle of his room kissing.
I'm not quite sure how it happened, but Jack was now lying on top of me.

I broke the kiss for a quick breath, but apparently, I took too long, because Jack started sucking and nibbling on my neck. I rolled my head back to give him better access, and he quickly took advantage of it.
He began working on my collar bone as I moaned with pleasure. He moaned back, still sucking on the tender skin of my collarbone and grinded down on me.

I gasped I didn’t expect him to do that, but didn't object. It felt too good to object. He grinded down on me again and smashed my lips into his. I moaned in approval and Jack ran his hands up and down my back and under my shirt. He attempted to take it off, so I broke the kiss long enough to help him remove my shirt, shortly followed by his.

After a little while longer of kissing, Jack ran his hand down my bare chest and rested it on my belt buckle.
I bit his lip in warning not to go too far, but he obviously took it as encouragement because he started fumbling with my buckle to try and undo it. I quickly broke the kiss and grabbed his hand. I shook my head at him and gave him a worried look.
He looked down and blushed “I-I’m sorry Lex..."." Jack got off of me and he just laid down next to me. No! I wanted you to stop trying to take my pants off NOT I wanted you to stop this whole thing we had going! I stared at him as he stared at me back.
Jack sighed and got up. “I’m sorry..." he said quietly while putting his shirt on. Then Jack got up and walked away. I sat up in his bed watching him walk down the stairs. Soooo…… is what just happen a good thing or a bad thing?

Notes

Soo This went down

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