This Ones Different

*Alex POV*

“Oh well sorry, but you really need to get up! We need to find Jack”

Ugh Jack is gone, he is not in bed with me, and he is not making me food, not playing music, not watching home alone. He is not home, and that hurts. I wish I could stay in dream land forever, because it is so much better than bull shit reality.


“Shaun, what time did you go to sleep last night?”
“I went to bed when Jack went to bed. I don’t know when he left.”
“Do you think he went on a walk? Maybe he went back to the house?”

Shaun and I got in his car and started to drive back to his house, I was wrapped in my thoughts of Jack.

Jack can’t run away, he can’t run away from me. Jack is my closest friend, he knows everything like me. It’s so easy to talk to Jack because he can read me like a book!
I wish Jack knew what Frank told me, about running from love. Every time I feel like we are going to be together something happens, I can’t blame Jack when I’m the one who started this whole thing.
Life is so complicated! I don’t care what Jack says, when I see him again I’m never letting him go! I don’t know what to do; I have no clue what I’m doing because I have never been in love before. Lisa never ran away! I will never forgive myself for hurting Jack, I’m such an idiot! Why did I think lying was a good option? Lying to someone you love is never a good thing! I wish Jack heard some of what Frank told me! Should I get Frank to talk to Jack? First I have to find the damn bastard! Wait, Frank has experience with this! Maybe he could help me find Jack?

Where would Jack even run off too? Is this going to be like that one month? Am I not going to see Jack for a month, maybe even longer!?!? Jack can’t do that to me, to us! If he knows being away from each other hurts more than away, why run away? Why not run away with me? Oh that’s right, Jack ran away from me. I was convinced that I shouldn’t feel this way, I tried to find an excuse for my feelings so I wouldn’t have to face the truth, in the mean time I pushed away the person that meant the most to me. I hurt him so badly that he felt like he need to go away.

We pulled into Shaun’s driveway

“Shit. Shit. Shit!” Shaun quickly unbuckled himself and got out of his car. Running into the apartment buildings. I quickly got out of the car. “SHAUN! WHAT IS IT?” I yelled running after him. “JACK’S CAR ISNT HERE ANYMORE!” I ran faster and caught up with Shaun. He unlocked the door and I went inside running up the stairs “JACK! JACK!” I stopped at the end of the stairs and looked around the apartment. Kitchen, no, living room, no! I ran into the first bedroom I saw, calling Jacks name. The small bed room had a bathroom. The bathroom at a door at the other end and that lead into a bigger bed room. Jack wasn’t in any of them. I walked out of the bigger bed room and into the living room. Shaun was sitting on the sofa with a piece of paper in his hand. I ran over to him and he handed me the paper.

Dear Shaun,
I’m sorry for leaving without saying anything. Thank you for letting me talk to you and have a place to stay. You are a really good friend.
Please give this to Alex when you see him.

Alex I’m sorry for leaving like this, I’ll be back in a couple days. Please don’t go looking for me. I promise I’m okay and I’ll be back. I’ll call you.
Xoxo,
Jack.

I put the paper down and looked at Shaun. He ran his fingers through his hair. “So, what do we do now?”

“What do we do now? We fucking find him, that’s what we do now!”
Shaun stood up “He told us not to look for him! He says he’s okay!”
“And do you really believe him?”
“Well…. No but,”
“No buts! We can’t have Jack by himself in this emotional state!”

If Jack dies I swear to god I’m going to resurrect him and bitch slap him! Why on earth would Jack run away like this? It’s like we have changed places, I love him and he is running away.

I will find him and I will follow my feelings. No more fights, no more lies, or running away, or hiding, lying to yourself, denying, or being scared.

Just me and my love for Jack. I love you Jack, i just want you to know that.



*Jack POV*

I was sitting in my car in the middle of nowhere, I have no clue where I am, I have a full tank of gas and nowhere to go, I’m crying so much I can’t see properly.

I’m all by myself on this back rode that no one drives on.
I miss Alex, I can’t believe he lied to me and stormed off. He told me to leave him alone, so I did. I drove away so he could have his space to figure out his ‘feelings’ for me. I know Alex doesn’t truly love me back, he is just saying all that because he feels guilty for hurting me and he doesn’t want to do it again.
If he really loved me he would have listened to me, he would have answered my calls, and he would have let me help when he was ‘scared’. I was there for him so he wouldn’t be scared and he blew me off. He didn’t want my help, because he didn’t want me.
I’ll come back in a couple days; I can’t live without him forever. I also can’t live with him though.

I was crying really hard in the backseat, no matter how hard I try I can’t stop thinking of Alex. I messed up his life completely; I shouldn’t have told Alex all my feelings! I should have played it cool when he kissed me, instead of acting like a drug addict on 420! He lied to me, he ran away from me, he told me to leave him alone and hung up on me! He called me back and lied to me some more saying that he felt the same way, but he only said that because he felt guilty for hurting my feelings. I should have known it wasn’t going to last forever! I should have known this whole this was only for a short time

Forget it Jack, everything is okay! Your okay! Stop dwelling over it, it’s over now the time we had together its over, done, gone, the time ran out! Deal with it!

I can’t just love and let go! I can’t just deal with it, walking away, and act like everything is a-ok when it’s obviously not! I need to know if Alex just used me because he felt lonely or for a sort period of time did he actually have some sort of feelings towards me?
I have to know, was it real? Or a love scene, from a bad dream I don't think I can forget about it!

I just want the truth, not lying about your feelings to make me feel better. If Alex isn’t happy how does he expect me to be happy? If Alex is going to continue to lie there is no reason to stay, and if I don’t have Alex by my side or in my life…There is no reason to live. My only options are a life fully of pain and misery or… death. I’d rather not live a live of tragedy thank you very much.
Alex wants to be alone, then fine. He’ll never have to see me! If you think about it, this is all my fault. I forced my feelings on Alex when he said it felt wrong to him. I made him kiss me because I thought he was lying. Maybe he wasn’t lying about not loving me? That means he was lying when he said he thought about it and he did have feeling for me?

I don’t know what to believe at this point, I just want to stop getting hurt. I want to know the truth. I can’t keep living like this, this isn’t life this is torture. I can’t take all this pain; I don’t even want to be here anymore. The only thing that would make Alex better is if I leave for good. He can’t be happy knowing I will be constantly living in pain. I need to get away for him. I’ll do it all for him! I’m stupid; this is stupid LIFE IS STUPID! Is suicide the right choice? Is dying a good idea?

I can’t die yet, no. I still have some figuring out to do, some unfinished business. Death is my last option if all else fails. WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT! I can’t fucking kill myself over one thing! I have my whole life ahead of me; I should learn to live without Alex before I make a permanent choice like this! I just want to drink my life away but I can’t, I promised Rian I wouldn’t fall into that rut again. I know Rian cares about me; he doesn’t lie to me, or hurt me. He tells me the truth when I need to hear it, even if the truth hurts a little Rian tells me it because he wants what’s best for me. Running away hurts so much; I feel this big empty knot in my stomach.

Who cares what I told Rian, I’ll fucking drink all I want. Drinking helps me sleep and helps me forget the pain. I just feel completely nothing! I wish I knew what to do; I just want to feel nothing, something to get me through life with minimum damage. Like how Alex made me feel, before all this Alex made me feel amazing! I need Alex. I feel so empty inside without him. Knowing there is no possible chance of us being together. It kills me inside because I know I need him but I know I can’t have him. I don’t want to keep getting hurt.

What am I saying? I sound like a fucking child! I need to man the fuck up and move on with my life! I don’t need Alex, I’m done with him. I want nothing to do with him. He knew how I felt about him, I fucking told him myself. He could have let me down easily instead of throwing a hissy fit and storming off. He could have told me how he left with his words! I still don’t understand?
When I kissed Alex he got a fucking boner, and then told me all of it meant nothing. How could that mean nothing?! How could you get a boner from a kiss and have it mean nothing? That’s one thing that doesn’t make sense. Alex was in and out, how was I suppose to know he was done with me? Maybe I shouldn’t have called him when he went away, he left to get sometime to think right? One stupid call and I end up alone. I honestly don’t know what to do at this point, my heart tells me to go back to Alex but I know if I do that I can get hurt.

I should man up! Okay so the love of your life doesn’t love you back, big deal!

This is nothing like I thought I was going to be. When Alex kissed me on the bed, we shared our feelings. I didn’t expect it to turn like this! I imagined us growing closer (If that was even possible) and our feelings growing stronger. I thought it could have actually blossomed into a relationship, we would finally be together and I would finally be happy!
Looks like things don’t always turn out the way you expected. Things never turn out the way I hope. Alex hit me just like heroine; I feel him coursing through my veins. I was trying to learn to live with the fact that he might not like me back. Then Alex told me he had feelings for me and he fucking started the fire back up again.

This is like an addiction I can’t seam to live without him, there’s no going clean. This feeling I have makes me feel like I can’t go on without him. I’m stuck with this addiction in me! All the people I dated, they where all distractions from Alex. I dated them so I wouldn’t think about Alex, it didn’t work one bit because all I could think was how I wished they where him. I had to do what it took to get me through the day, I’m just trying to fine my way back home.

I stopped dating random people because I knew it wasn’t working and all I was doing was hurting people when I broke it off. I was staying clean along the way because I was holding on for the real thing, my real love and not some person that I’m using to distract me from him. Dating those random people just made me love Alex more and see how special and unique he really is.

I just need time off from Alex, like a break so I can figure my life out. I can find someone better than Alex, he isn’t my true love. Fuck now I’m trying to lie to myself, I think after how many years I have kept to myself my love for Alex I can’t lie to myself. I really love him; he is the only person I want to be with. Alex not loving me back isn’t what hurts. What hurts is that we were together and he raised my hopes up. We weren’t even together for that long! It’s like having an awesome new guitar and then after one week the guitar breaks.
He made think that he had feeling for me back, and then totally turned on me. He lied to me, and then he calls me saying he actually does love me and everything he said was because he was scared. I don’t know what is the truth is anymore, I just know he lied and he still is lying to me. Did that whole week of us together mean nothing to him? I was having the best time of my life! I had him then and now I let him go; now I wish he knew that I can’t live if living is without him. ­I wish I could put an end to all this madness, it’s so stupid! I feel like my life is a plot to a dramatic romantic television series!

Where do I go from here? I cant’ sit here in the back of my car crying my whole life. I just want to go back home to Alex. I don’t want to be alone anymore and I don’t want to keep getting hurt!

My phone started ringing from my pocket; it scared me a little bit. I pulled it out to my pocket and answered it.

“H-Hello?”
“JACK! Jack, please come back! I”

I hung up the phone… My eyes started to burn and my vision got blurry. I blinked and felt a tear roll down my cheek. It was Alex, he called me…

I got in the front seat and started driving. I want to get as far away as possible; I’ll come back when I want to! I heard my phone ring again; nope I’m not answering it. Alex didn’t answer it when he ran away and I called him. So I’m not answering my phone see how he likes it! I don’t know where I’m going but I’ll find my way. I need to get over Alex, he doesnt love me and thats that. I'll fine a way to live with the fact that he will never love me, eventually.

Notes

....... So Jack has it all wrong, and is stupid because he wont listen!...... How do you feel about this?

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