Maybe Next May

It was the last class of the day and I was dreading it. I had to sit next to Alex and I knew I needed to ask him why he had lied to me the other day, I just didn't know how. As I walked in I saw Alex already sitting there just staring out the window. When I walked up and set my bag down his head snapped my way and he quickly dug through his bag. I sighed and put in my headphones just staring at the door waiting for the teacher to get here. That's when I felt a piece of paper slide past my arm. Really, this again?

I sighed and looked at him. Alex was playing with his pencil, pretending like everything was perfectly fine in Alexland, hell, it probably was. I looked down at the note and, after reading it, wanted to rip it up into a million little pieces.

Hey, are you alright? Sorry I didn't help. My girlfriend was there and she doesn't really like you for some reason. At least Zack helped you out, right?

I was going to kill him. What the living fuck made him think that it was okay to write this to me? I looked over at him and saw him glancing at me from the corner of his eye. I glared and him and started writing back.

DON'T TALK TO ME. I know you lied to me yesterday about the school being locked. Why the hell would you do that?

I passed it back to him and waited, truly annoyed at the point. I felt it slip back and looked down.

I'm sorry, I just wanted a reason to talk to you. I'm not sure why but you seemed kind of different.

Whatever, just stop talking to me. I'm not in the mood for your bullshit.

I then passed it back to him right when the teacher walked in. Thank god.
____________________________________

After school let out Rian and Cass said their goodbyes and walked out hand in hand, they're so cute together. I walked to my locker now that the hallways were cleared. I grabbed my skateboard and ran outside. As I was skating home I heard a car honking through my music so I pulled out a headphone and stopped, turning towards the sound.

Alex pulled up to the side of the pavement and got out of his car. I started to ride away but Alex caught the back of my board, making me fall backwards onto the hard cement. He then picked it up and smirked down at me.

"Dude, what the fuck?!"

"I need to talk to you."

"Yeah? Well you have a fucked up way of asking! Besides, I don't really want to talk to you."

I got up and grabbed for my board but he held it out of my reach.

"What the hell are you doing? Give that back!"

I grabbed for it again and before I knew it I had Alex pinned back against his car and my board was behind his back. I was looking into his eyes and realized something, they were a caramel color. I then noticed how our bodies were almost flushed with each other. I felt heat creeping to my cheeks and either Alex didn't notice or just didn't care.

"Not until you agree to hear me out."

Alex was so calm it was just pissing me off even more.

"Fine! Whatever! Just come over to mine, my mom isn't home anyways."

Alex gave me a grinned triumphantly then shot around to the drivers side. Wow, he is kind of cute. Wait, what the fuck Jack stop it! He's an ass! I glared at the ground as I slowly made my way to the passenger side and got in, glaring out the window. I know I'm acting like a kid but Alex just makes me so mad! I don't even understand why.

He pulled into my driveway and we both got out, walking up to the front door and going inside. I led him up to my room after dumping my bag and board near the front door. I took off my shoes before going in since I had carpet and it sucked to clean.

Alex followed my lead then came in to my room. For some reason I felt kind of self-conscious. This was the first time I had ever had anyone in my new room other than my mom. I had posters and album covers all over my walls. Any area's that didn't have them were family photos or photos of me with my old friends from my old school, or concert ticket stubs that were scattered around the walls. Alex looked at them all, his eyes soon landing on my guitar.

"You play?"

I just gave him a small nod then sat on my bed, motioning for him to take a seat next to me. He did and we just sat in a awkward silence. I decided that enough was enough and turned towards him with a glare.

"You know, you can't be a complete ass-hat one minute then the next act like you care. Life doesn't work like that Alex, chose one and stick with it. I'm getting real tired of this fake shit. Either the Alex I'm looking at right now is the real one or the one in the hallway is, take your pick."

He didn't say anything, just looked down at his hands like a todler getting yelled at by their mother.

"I'm sorry Jack. You just don't understand."

"Ha, I don't understand? Oh, I think I understand perfectly. You're popular, I'm not. You don't want to lose your title so you're a complete dick to people like me. Okay, well maybe you aren't, but it's not like you try to stop it either. You're so scared that you sink to their level. You have a pretty and popular girlfriend who seems like, at least in my eyes, a complete bitch. Yet, you don't want to lose her because she's popular, probably more so than you are because I'm sure she's slept with the whole school before she started dating you. Look, you came here to talk, so talk. Say what you wanted to say then get out."

After my long ass rant I just glared, waiting for him to say something, anything really. He took a deep breath then looked me straight in the eyes, his caramel ones starting into my brown.

"I'm sorry Jack, okay? I'm sorry. Maybe you do know more than you let on. Yes, I'm scared. I'm so fucking chicken shit that I can't even help out the poor people who get their ass's handed to them by Heath. He is a fucking dick alright? There isn't anything that I can do without loosing what I've worked so hard to get. This is high school! It's a fucking battle ground and I don't want to be one of the bodies left behind, alright? I'm too scared Jack. I'm so fucking sorry okay? I want to be your friend but Lisa hates you and Heath think's your gay. If I was caught hanging out with you, everything would turn to hell. I'm sorry"

I listened to it all, once he was done I thought about it for a minute before sighing and talking in a nicer, calmer voice to him.

"Alex, not everything is as black and white as you seem to think it is. Yeah, it's high school, but that's just it, it's HIGH SCHOOL. Who cares? We have one more year then we're out of here. We aren't going to see anyone from high school and if we do, who cares? What are they going to do? Zack helped out, he didn't seem to care what they thought of him anymore. You could too Alex. I know you're scared but, you need to try. At least think about it. Also, just so you know, I don't give a fuck about what Lisa or Heath think of me. Yeah, I'm gay. I'll fucking scream it from the rooftops, I don't care. That's just it, I don't care. You shouldn't either. You know what? It's you're life, make what you want out of it. I accept your apology, just don't talk to me unless you're going to be this Alex in front of everyone, alright?"

His eyes were as wide as dolls. He opened and closed his mouth a couple times before clearing his throat.

"Y-You're gay?"

"Yes Alex, I'm gay. Just leave if you aren't going to accept it."

He looked at me and nodded, then got up and walked to the door.

"By the way, I liked your drawing. You're a really good artist."

He then walked out and disappeared from sight. I waited until I heard the front door shut and his car drive off before I got up and shut my door. I then climbed back into bed and stared at the ceiling. There were only two thoughts in my head before I feel asleep that night.

I wonder if he is going to tell Heath about this.
and,
Why do I feel like crying?

Notes

Here you go! Don't kill me just yet! Sorry about taking forever, school is out now so I'll hopefully be uploading a lot more. Also, sorry about any errors there might be. Please comment and tell me if you like the story or not, I love reading them and they help me to continue writing. Just a little over 800 views and 38 subscribers!!! Thank you to everyone who voted, subscribed, viewed, and commented. You're all awesome! ~Anna :)