Life on the fast lane.
In search of something
I called up Ben and invited him over for dinner. Danny helped me in the kitchen which was a first.
The guys had a few beers and were joking and chatting in an all over very relaxed atmosphere.
I eyed Danny closely though because I wanted to find out if he could stick with just a few beers.
He must have noticed because when we were back alone in the kitchen he asked "And, did I fail your test?"
"You did not only pass, I would give you an outstanding for it" I joke then I get serious. "I am leaving tomorrow. You know that."
He leans against the wall pulling me close to his chest and sighs. "I know, it wouldn't work with us. But you should know I never forget what you did for me. Of all my friends and girlfriends you were the one that was by my side in the darkest of times I have yet experienced and I will be always grateful for that."
That was so not Danny, he could never stay serious saying something like that so I looked up in his eyes to check but there was no hint of irony in it, he meant what he just said.
"Danny, you are my friend and I will always be there for you, whenever you need me. Get that into your head." I knock on his forehead.
It was late when Ben was leaving. When we hugged goodbye at the door he whispered in my ear "Thanks for saving him."
I grabbed his neck and looked in his eyes "it's your turn now to look after him" I ordered and he gave me a silent nod.
Danny and I went to bed but it was an unspoken agreement we would not have sex, so we just lay there cuddled into each other listening to our heartbeats, caressing each others skin with our fingers and lips until the morning sun started to light up his room.
I got up and threw the few things I had brought in my bag then went down to the kitchen to make coffee. Danny joined me after a while and we had breakfast in silence. It wasn't uncomfortable though, it was just that we both knew it would be the last time and there was nothing left to say.
When I kissed him goodbye I cleared my throat saying "Don't disappoint me Danny, stay strong."
He kissed me back holding me in a tight grip "I can't promise you, but I will try, I have a memory now to hold on to." He smiled.
"Go, busgirl." he said, slightly pushing me away.
"See you round, Fucktard" I smiled back.
When I got back to my place I was trying to get on with my life and sort things out.
Since I came back from rehab there had been so much going on that I could not clear my mind and try to find out what I wanted to do with my future.
I get restless and stay up all nights walking around the apartment drinking too much coffee listening to the music of 'my bands'.
I don't find any answers I don't know what to do or where to go. It feels like a part of me is missing but I don't know where to look for it.
Steph finally gets annoyed with me. "Sit down here " she orders one morning. "What's wrong with you Easy, you have been pacing this apartment like a caged tiger now for days. You have to calm down.
I know you have been on the road now for a couple of month but you have to realise that this time is over now. You have to settle down you can't keep moving about constantly."
" I know this, Steph and you're right but it is not that easy. Actually I was thinking of going down to San Diego for a few days" I tell her guiltily.
"My god Easy, I think you have to decide if you're searching something or if you're not just running away from the truth." She sighs.
Maybe Steph is right but I just follow my gut feeling because my mind can't give me any answers. So I call up Vic because my promised visit is long overdue.
"Easy, how are you? So good to hear from you" his sweet voice calms me instantly.
"Vic, I'm fine thank you, look I was thinking of coming down to San Diego next week and was wondering if you guys would have the time to meet up."
"That is awesome Easy, how long can you stay with us? I will have the guest room ready for you."
"Actually I don't want to bother you, I will stay in a hotel and see you when you have time" I try to turn down his offer.
"Don't be crazy of course you can stay here. We want to spend as much time with you as possible and you promised to cook us dinner, remember?" He laughs.
"Oh, so it's just the food, is it? Has Mama Fuentes finally stopped cooking for her two babies?" I tease. "Okay, I'm so excited to see you next week, thanks for everything, got to go, luv you. Bye Vic."
So it was settled, I was going to San Diego visiting my favourite Mexicans. I couldn't wait for Monday to come so I was up early and packed my bag super fast. I took my time with breakfast though because I didn't want to stop for food on my way.
As it is only like a 120 miles distance I decided to not take the San Diego freeway but drive the pacific highway which would take a lot longer but give me fabulous views of the ocean.
As I drove along the coast with the windows open playing music, singing along to my favourite songs, I looked out to the ocean and felt such a longing, that I could not understand.
The pacific was the same ocean that hit my home soils shores. Maybe I should go back to Australia, who would miss me here anyway?
Everybody was so caught up in their own lives and in this moment I felt so lonely, that tears started to run down my face.
I had lost everything, my home, my country, my friends, my career, and gained nothing by coming here.
Notes
Bye Danny! :(
Hmm... so just finished this, lol. I am a fast reader I guess, I only just started it. :O I read the first installment but I'll just leave my overall feedback here.
Ugh, the struggle though. I mean, I'm happy that Easy figured herself out and realized who she wanted to be with... I'm just very biased with ATL though, lol. So I was kind of sad with how this one ended too, idk.
This one also made me sad with how much I felt like the band members took advantage of her. Again, in the end she was finally happy, but it was just sad how horribly AA treated her and then she went and helped the one member anyway, even though I personally just would have left him... like c'mon, she could've been paralyzed for real this time and she still gave that douche another chance. I just... it kind of saddened me how she did that. He seemed grateful, but still. Sigh...
But, again, I will look at this from a broader perspective: writing wise it was awesome, you did a great job with it. And there was kind of a live and learn lesson with it, so kudos to that.
The only thing I was left questioning was that, okay, so was her and Alex separating their official goodbye to each other? Because it just didn't seem like it to me, and that seemed like it was never totally resolved, just like, a final phone call or something with him probably would have been a bit more clarifying on that front. But in regards to her other relationship possibilities, at least they were closed off, or opened up in Alan's case. But that's the only question I was really left with, I think. Maybe I just didn't read that part the way I was supposed to, lol.
But, great job. Onto your new one. :D (Which, upon looking briefly, probably shouldn't take me long to comment on since it's still getting started. So expect another comment in a few moments, lol.)
1/8/17