Me Without You

It had been a week. A week since the pictures of Alex and I baby shopping had been released. A week since Matt had tried to smooth things over by releasing a video explaining the whole ordeal. A week since I had said more than any variant of hello to Jack or Alex. I spent most of my time writing review upon review for Fearless, checking out demos and sending off ideas for promotional material for the newer bands. I was trying to do anything that would keep my thoughts away from the twins or the wedding. Which was in exactly a month.
“Alright!” Jack yelled as he slammed the door of the house shut. “Get off your ass. I have an announcement.” I slid my laptop onto the coffee table and pulled my knees up onto my chest, staying on my spot on the couch despite my orders to stand. “Jasey.” I half smiled but didn’t say anything. “Fuck it woman! Why won’t you talk to me?” Jack screeched, throwing his coat over the armchair. “You’ve cooped yourself up, fucking silent, for a week now. We’ve just announced our break from touring to write and record the new album so we can be home with you when you have the twins.” Jack hesitated, hoping I’d reply with anything. “Tay is practically living at Alex’s now.” I must have sparked up at that because Jack’s face dropped. “Is that it? Is that what I have to do to get a reaction out of you now? Mention the thought of any one of us with another girl?” I picked at my nails, concentrating on them so I didn’t have to look Jack in the eye. “We’re getting married in a month. Married, Jasey. You and me. And yet you can’t fucking let Alex go.” Jack slammed down on the chair opposite the couch and stared me down. “Oh, and since you’ve been absent, might I add that Zack has a girlfriend now?” I crunched my teeth and Jack chuckled darkly. “See, god forbid anyone moves on. It’s me you’re about to commit to spending the rest of your life with and yet you still want them all to sit around and wait?” I could feel small bursts of emotion start to filter through the walls I had built up. I couldn’t stand it. “Mike’s dating again, he’s moving on. Zack’s gone. Alex is trying to finally start something serious with Tay. You wouldn’t know that if you’d bothered to come out of this damn shell and talk to someone. Or even then, you’d just try to stop it all. Alex and Tay, your two best friends and I bet you’d jump in the middle without hesitating. Just to keep Alex around.” I put my hands to my hair as the frustrated tears started to fall.
“I can’t lose anyone, Jack!” I screamed and I swear I could practically hear him grin.
“That. Emotion. Words.” He whispered gently. “Why is that so hard?”
“I can’t lose anyone.” I whimpered. “Not again.”

“No, that’s not funny, Jacob.” I laughed as my best friend kicked up a splash of water from a near-by puddle.
“It’s hilarious. What are you talking about?” He giggled as he kicked more icy liquid at me.
“Stop! You’re getting my tights wet!” I squeaked as another splash hit me. The older boy smiled and gave me a quick one armed hug as we carried on walking through the park.
“You’re dad thinks I’m trying to date you.” Jacob giggled, tossing his sandy hair to one side.
“Ew, that’s gross. You’re three years older than me.” I cringed at the thought of ever kissing the older friend.
“Yeah, but we’ve been best friends since you were five! People have older age gaps.”
“You’re fourteen. You start High School in a week. That’s yuck.” I giggled, my immature mind still fighting over boy germs. “Promise me you won’t forget me?” I asked Jacob as we rounded a corner.
“Of course I won’t. We’ve seen each other every day for six years. That’s not going to stop just because I change schools.” I smiled up at him and skipped alongside his larger strides.

I shook off the memory and cuddled back into the couch. The first day Jacob started his Freshman year was the last day he had ever spoken to me. From then on he ignored me. Even in my first year he pretended he didn’t know who I was. Of course, a senior couldn’t be best friends with a freshman. Losing Jacob had destroyed me. I doubted every promise anyone made to me from then on. An eleven year old girls mind is easily affected. He had lied to me, promised me he would never forget me and then pretended I had never existed. And soon after that my dad died. Another person who had promised me they’d never leave. And his death sent my mother mad. She hardly spoke, or if she did she was harsh and detached. So I turned to my oldest friend, Cara. We had known each other since Kindergarten. We made a pact that we would stick with each other through high school no matter what. But the moment she got a boyfriend she left me. Hardly spoke to me until all contact dropped completely. She had no time. Those people leaving must have done something to me deep down inside because from then on I couldn’t stand the thought of anyone leaving me again. I kept everyone close or entirely shut them off. No one could break my circle of friends, we were bullet proof. But then, of course, they left as well, didn’t they? Packed up and bussed off to be rock stars. Those events solidified my biggest downfall. My most affecting and dangerous flaw. My fear of being left alone. And now here I was again, with Alex possibly running off with Tay. I had seen what relationships do. They can take the person away entirely, like with Cara, and I couldn’t lose Alex. Zack had a girlfriend, he wouldn’t have time for me anymore. Rian had Cassadee, it would just be Jack and I. Who was I kidding, he was going to realise that I was a mistake and leave me too eventually. And no doubt Alex and Jack will take the twins with them. I wouldn’t be able to fight them. I’d lose everything.
I took a shaky breath and looked up at Jack who was wide eyed and concerned.
“I can’t lose anyone else.”

Notes

Hey! I know it's been a long time coming and I know that this chapter may seem a little out of left field but it has jumped to my attention that my intentions with Jasey weren't clear enough. So this is a little explanation on why Jasey acts the way she does I suppose. I'll clear it up more in the next chapter but this is a start. I hope you get where I'm going with her or kinds have an idea of the major flaw in her personality which defintely wasn't obvious enough!
I hope you're still enjoying the story!
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