Guts

After Jack had asked me to fake being Lisa’s boyfriend, I’m not going to lie, I was depressed. I avoided him and the guys for days. I played shows and went to my bunk and just ignored them. Jack begged me to talk to him but I was just too upset. I had so many thoughts running through my head and none of them were pleasant.

‘He is tired of you. He loves someone else. You’re worthless. No one will love you. It was all a lie. He was just upset and you were the first one he turned to.’

I eventually lost it and started drinking. I drank from the second I woke up until I fell asleep with a bottle in my hand. The guys tried to hide everything but I found it and drank it. I was on a binge and no one could stop me.

After a really bad night I locked myself in the bathroom and turned on my music and the shower. I stripped down to my boxers and just sat in the shower, hot water running down my body. I looked down and saw a shaving razor. Without a second thought, I smashed it against the shower door and broke it, causing the razor blades to fall out. Then I grabbed one and ran it across my thighs, just like I had done before.

However, this time I was so drunk I didn’t feel anything which meant I just cut deeper to try and feel. I just keep slicing and cutting until everything went black. To this day I don’t know if I passed out from being drunk or losing blood. The next thing I remember was waking up in a white room. There was beeping and a horrible smell. I had a headache and when I tried to rub my head, something got in my way. I looked down and had an IV in my arm.

The beeping got more frantic as I looked around and realized I was in a hospital room in a hospital gown. I tried to move but a burning in my leg caused me to fall. By this point the beeping was unbearable and group of nurses rushed in to try and calm me.

“Mr.Gaskarth, please calm down. You are in the hospital. You nearly died. You lost a lot of blood and need to rest.”
“Where.. where is Jack?” I asked frantically.
“He is right outside.” The nurse said and nodded to another one who left. She came back in with Jack.

He looked like shit. He had bags under his eyes and tears streaming down his face. “Lex.” He whispered. As soon as he said my name I lost it. He rushed to me and pulled me into his arms the best he could with all the wires I had connected to me. The nurses slipped out and left Jack and I alone.

“Lex I was so scared. You were asleep for 3 days. They had to give you blood transfusions and stiches. You were really touch and go. Damn it Alex I thought I had lost you too. When you didn’t come out of the bathroom I got so scared and broke down the door. Then you were laying against the door and all I saw was red, so much red. I thought you were gone. ALEX I CAN’T LOSE YOU!” he was practically yelling at me by this point and having a panic attack.

I pulled him against my chest. “I am so sorry Jack. I just, I lost it. I never should have. I was just so upset and had no one to talk to and I had my own demon to fight, which I clearly failed. I am so sorry though Jack. I shouldn’t have shut you out. I was just so upset that you asked to hide our relationship…”

Jack cut me off with a kiss. “Forget I ever asked. It was stupid and we shouldn’t have to hide who we are.”
“No Jack, I think it would be a good idea. You can see your niece and Lisa can have her family back. Just so long as we can be together is all I care about and your happiness.”
“Lex, no.”
“Yes Jack. We can stay together and just tease the fans. It would make both your and Lisa’s life easier. I want you happy Jack and I know you can’t be happy without your family.”
“Alex..” I cut him off and shook my head.
“No argument. I am very tired Jack. I love you.” He gave me a kiss and sat next to me as I fell asleep.

*2 Years Later*

“This is really happening?” Zack looked at all of us in shock. Matt nodded. We were all in shock and at a loss for words. We had just got the news that we would be headlining our own US and UK tour. It was the Love Like Tour. We had made it big and we couldn’t believe it.

I wrapped my arms around Jack’s neck and kissed him. He smiled into the kiss and kissed me back with as much passion. Rian cleared his throat and we pulled away from each other just as Lisa walked in. she smiled at all of us and sat down next to me.

“Okay so you have about 10 minutes before AP gets here to interview you and tomorrow it will be BryanStars.” Matt informed us. We nodded and just continued to look at each other in shock. None of us could believe this was happening.

None of us could believe it even as we were getting ready for the interview. We all just got pushed around in a daze. Lisa made sure we all got ready and prepared in time. Even as I sat in the chair for the interview to start, I felt like I was in a dream. It was so surreal.

After two hours of questions and jokes, we made it through the interview and the reality set it. WE HAD OUR OWN TOUR! We decided we wanted to go out and celebrate because we had about two days until we left for tour.

We went out to a nice restaurant. We invited Jack, Rian, Zack, and Lisa’s family out to celebrate with us. We were having a nice night when Lisa’s mom spoke up, “So Alex, you and Lisa have been together for quite a while now, when do I get some grandbabies?” as soon as those words left her mouth I nearly choked on my drink. The whole table went quiet and looked to us for an answer.

“Mom.” Lisa started to say but her mom cut her off.
“It’s a valid question.” Her mom said.
“I uhh need a second.” I muttered as I left the table and went to get some air.

I was outside having a panic attack when someone came up behind me and put their hand on my shoulder. I nearly jumped out of my skin until I realized it was just Jack.

“I nearly had a heart attack Jack.” I told him. He had this faraway look in his eyes.
“I’m sorry Lex. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“What’s wrong Jack?” I asked, concerned.
“Alex, it’s time.”

*Two Days Later*

“One minute mark, one minute.” The stage hand said as we lined up to go on stage. It was the first show of the tour and it was sold out. We had a full crowed and we were all on edge and jumpy. However when we got on stage all of that went away and we got lost in the music.

Jack was everywhere, Rian was killing it on the drums, and Zack was just trying to avoid Jack’s legs as he attempted to jump over him.

Forty five minutes into the show I nodded to everyone and they all stopped playing. A hush went over the crowd and they looked to us in confusion.

“I know you all have questions for us.” I said into the mic. “Well umm I have something to share with you all. You guys will be the first to know this secret.” The crowd cheered in anticipation. “Okay so I am going to bring out someone to help me with this. Lisa.” I said as she walked out on stage. The crowd cheered again. I swear I could tell them I killed a puppy and they would cheer.

“Okay so both Lisa and I have something to tell all of you.” I could practically hear the whispers of ‘She is pregnant. They are going to have a baby. Alex is going to be a daddy.’

“Before you all think so, she is not pregnant. You see I couldn’t be the father and she wouldn’t be pregnant from me because she is lesbian and I am gay.” The crowd gasp. “I am in love with Jack Barakat and we have been together since before we started touring. Lisa has a lovely girlfriend and they have been together for almost a year now.” I said as I walked to Jack and pulled him in for a kiss.

Now this kiss wasn’t like the little onstage kisses we teased the crowd with. No it was a full on, I am in love with you and always have been. Now I am not going to lie, we got some boo’s and hate, but over all we got love and support.

Since the news came out, we had numerous interviews and questions. Our social media went haywire and crashed Twitter for a while. Lisa’s family stopped talking to her again but she was so happy with her girlfriend that she didn’t even care. As for Jack’s family they weren’t happy he had lied but by this point his niece was so attached to him they couldn’t just separate them.

All in all coming out was easier than I ever dreamed it would be. Granted we got hate and people who didn’t understand but the amount of love was overwhelming. Jack and I could finally go out in public and hold hands and not worry about media seeing and exposing us. It was the best feeling in the world.

Notes

So um yeah. This is just as the title says, The End. I can't believe it. After all this time I have finally done what I set out to accomplish. I am really kinda sad about this. This was mi very first story and it's over. I knew from the start what I was going to do but now that it's here I don't know how I feel.

I just want to thank all of you guys who have read this. It means the world to me. Because of you guys I have started writing more. I hope you guys have enjoyed reading this as much as I love writing it. It has been quite a journey and now it's over.

I do have another story planned. It will be Jalex so be watching for that. Thank you guys again for being so amazing. I love all of you guys so much!

xoxo :*

I love you <3